Advice on FOB please :-)

[Dezireey]

Just need some answers really as I can't make a decision at all or make head nor tail of my own problems lately.*

FOB comes to see me and LO about once every two or three weeks, it is like pulling teeth though and I have had enough. He was not around for my pregnancy, not at the birth, he just basically said he didn't want kids and then buggered off. He has a lot of issues, a LOT. Brain injury from work, leg that won't heal from being broken, crap job, aspergers,etc he's a real mess. About a month ago I broke down and told him I missed him, he hugged me and told me he's no good, he's single because no-one should put up with his problems etc etc. I just think it's an excuse but that's another story. Now today he was going to come over and chop wood for me for our fire to keep me and LO warm. I bought a saw for the wood on his advice and he was supposed to do this nearly three weeks ago. He works night shifts, so he has some time in the mornings free. I have had to nag him ( which I hate doing) well today was another excuse about the rain and not being able to do it in the rain. I mean this guy lives up the road from us, literally 5 mins away. When I challenge him or tell him to eff off, he defends himself, tells me to stop being daft, stop assuming things, stop thinking he can't be bothered. He doesn't ignore me he keeps saying he will do things and eventually he comes over in his own sweet time. Now what I would like to do is ignore him, cut him dead and get on with our lives but I'm not sure this is best for LO. Best for me, yes as it makes it difficult to get over him when I keep seeing him. Do I just grit my teeth and let him come see LO when he wants to and just let him organise it even if it's months in between? or do I throw in the towel and say enough is enough. He blames his behaviour on his conditions and says he also can't mind read if I'm pissed off and that he doesn't mean to upset me??*

I'm at a loss at what to do with him as the fact he comes to see us and communicates all the time is good isn't it?*

Oh blah! men.

 

[Ceejay123]

Maybe give him an ultimatum? Tell him you're fed up of you and your LO being messed around, and your LO needs to see him more often... Else hes going to be a stranger. If he really cares that much he'll buck up and put some time in.. Then that way your LO won't resent you at all for stopping him? Iykwim? Some dads would give anything to see their child every day but cant - Winds me up when you get those that only want to bother every few weeks -.-. Hope it works out one way or the other x

 

[omfgski]

..

 

[littlegenes]

I would text him and ask him to come and see you and LO in the next few days when your free- if he doesn't turn up I would give him one more chance and then tell him not to bother contacting you again.

RE getting over him- maybe try and find someone else? You probably have a "hole" that needs to be filled by a man (I know I do) and he obviously isn't the one so maybe its time to find one who is.

 

[MommaAlexis]

Also, I wouldn't ask him to do the wood myself as that sets him up to be the one doing the "man's jobs" around your home and ten times more difficult to move on. I keep interactions with my ex strictly business. Update him, ask him when he'll be there, ask if he has any questions, hang up. If it turns towards your relationship I'd just say it's not relevant.

 

[lemontree12]

What's are his feelings towards your little boy? I remember in posts you saying he used to only ask about you. If that is the case I would cut ties.
There's so many opinions on what's best for the child, some
Think having a father around no matter if rhu are useless is the best choice. Personally I feel strongly that unless they are a positive influence then I'd rather nothing, I feel if tour happy then your child's happy, I know from my own situation that when fob cut all ties Iv been much happier because there's not arguments, mind games, empty promises, we know where we stand. If he was to want access I doubt I will willing allow this without much thought, I only want positive people around and I don't think he xan give my daughter what she needs from a father. My parents split when I was 4, my dad walked in and out of our life's, and although I would of wondered what he was like I would of prefered he stayed out, my memories of my dad where being upset Becuase he let us down, fighting for his attention and resenting my mum because of the lies he told me
About her.I feel if I just had her level of parenting it would of been better, my mum always said she would never stop us seeing our dad but I wish she did. I think having that role of a father figure taught me the wrong ways about relationships hench why I put up with shit from fob.
It's such a hard question Because only you can make the decision. Mayb you should talk to him see what his intentions are, your little boy is so young he won't be remember. I always have said that I would give up with fob when my little girl is old enough to remember either meeting him or him letting her down, there's something not natural about introducing a child to her dad after him
Walking out.
Xxxx
Do what you feel is right for both of you, you both need to be happy. A happy mummy makes a happy baby xxxx

 

[Dezireey]

He's just been over. Things were a bit tense but as he left he reached for a long hug. He is slowly just getting used to LO but he's not really a man that likes children much so he's not exactly hugging LO senseless or getting involved much. I think I will just see how things go. If I had a time machine and went into the future and could ask my boy about the importance of his dad, if he wants to see him be with him etc it would give answers. At the moment I'm treating it as if he would want his dad around so im making a decision for him at the moment. If my LO in the future would never give a toss I'd just cut contact with FOB and never look back. It's a tough call isn't it.