Advice on "Name Stealing"

[deekey1016]

Hey everyone, I apologize ahead of time for the lengthy post. Anyways, me and my husband have just started TTC 2 months ago but we haven't told anyone in the family yet. We have had our first boy name picked out for YEARS. It was my grandfather's name and I've always loved it and it's the only name me and my husband have ever agreed on. Over a year ago, me, my sister, and SIL were discussing names and I honestly was trying to claim it when I mentioned it and felt a sigh of relief when she seemed uninterested in it.

On Easter, my brother and his wife announced they are expecting their 3rd child this September. I asked if they had any names in mind and my brother said "our name" if it's a boy. I honestly felt like I was kicked in the gut. After he said that my instant reaction was, "Noooo that's what we've wanted to use for so long" and him and his wife just kind of laughed it off and said what a coincidence and maybe our family will just have 2 babies with that name. My brother also joked that if I am pregnant with a boy before his wife gives birth than I can claim the name. That felt like another kick in the chest because we are trying, he just doesn't know it.

Now, I know I have no right to claim the name, especially with it being our grandfathers name. I'm not angry either because all of their kids have family names and I don't think they honestly "stole" it. I may sound ridiculous but when I imagine my family in the future, I ALWAYS see a boy with that name. I cannot imagine not using that name.

While I understand they are not aware of the baby's sex yet, nor am I pregnant, hypothetically if all these things fall into place and they have a boy with "my name" and one day (hopefully soon) I'm pregnant with a boy, do I just go ahead and stick with the name? A big part of me says HELL YES because the thought of any other boy name just devastates me. But I would HATE for my child to be compared to their child. My brother has always been "the golden child" in the entire family so I feel like it would happen.

Ughhhhhh. Yes I know I should chill out at least until they know the sex of their baby. But what would you do??

 

[Mumtodogs]

I don't have any advise I'm afraid! It would depend how close you all are as to if you can get away with 2 babies with the same name in the family.

8 years ago my brother and his wife had a boy and named him after my Dad. I had always assumed that I would do that, I mentioned it at the time and they offered not to, but I told them not to be daft, who was to say I'd ever have a family, and even if I did who was to say I'd have a boy etc.... so they used the name.

8 years later I'm about to have a son and the only name I want to use is my Dad's. I can't think of a single other one that fits. I'm too close to my brother really to also use it. I've also ran the idea past other family members who think it's strange.

Such a shame.

 

[modified]

My sister done this to me. My first boy was always going to be Charlie after my grandfather.

... I now have a nephew who will be 3 this year called Charlie

Luckily, I don't agree that a name can be stolen and whilst it was a bit of an "oh, damn" moment when I found out... truth is, she gave birth to a boy first so who am I to deny her her favourite name? My grandad is still honoured, just not by myself or my child We'll be using Charles as a middle name if we ever have a boy

 

[Rickles]

It's already been an issue in our family (with both boys and girls names). We've gone with whoever has the sex first - takes the name.

Now SIL is due 2 weeks before me, I'm having an elective c-section, so will be one week after her...

In the interests of family harmony, and given how close together these babies are due, we're both finding out the sex at 16 weeks and then going to have a chat

We both like Charlie and Freddie, we've agreed they can take Charlie, we'll take Freddie (or Dylan - my first choice). But if we have a girl, then they can have either, we're stopping at 2. Whereas they want a Charlie and a Freddie if pos and this is their first (or probably 2 or 3)...

So I guess, I would have a chat with your brother, you can't stop him/ ask him not to use the name - you may never have a boy after all - but I think you can tell him you intend to use the name as well. I would be tempted to use it as a middle name, then let the boy decide which of his names he wants to use.

xx

 

[deekey1016]

Thank you everyone. Fingers crossed that they're having a girl!! (Is that horrible of me??!)

 

[Maybe1daysoon]

I DO believe a name can be stolen but ONLY if both parties are pregnant and it's not a family name, after all (I'm assuming) that's your brother's grandpa too. Good luck.

 

[lovelylaura]

I would have still used my boy name even if my sister had used it, she has been pregnant the same time as me twice! But i don't see her much and family would have just had to get over the fact that there would be 2 boys with this name.

 

[JJKCB]

I guess im lucky as my brother is only just 18 and my brother and sister in law both despise children (to the point of being sterilised) so I dont have much to worry about

is their not a variant you could use? example:

Charles = Chase
John = Jack
James = Jamie/Jim
Henry = Harry

 

[RubyRainbows]

Luckily, I don't agree that a name can be stolen and whilst it was a bit of an "oh, damn" moment when I found out... truth is, she gave birth to a boy first so who am I to deny her her favourite name? My grandad is still honoured, just not by myself or my child We'll be using Charles as a middle name if we ever have a boy

I agree with this. My brother & his wife unknowingly named their daughter a name very similar to the name me & my OH had wholeheartedly loved & agreed on. They didn't "steal" it bc they didn't know - but we were briefly disappointed (my OH still kind of is). But I decided it's silly to dwell on it. I'm thrilled my niece has a beautiful name that I love!! I may never even have a daughter someday - and if I do - i'm just going to have to search and search until I fall in love with another name. Even though there is a slight variation, I wouldn't want my child to have a similar name to my brother's daughter. I think it would seem like I copied it.

Sucks though! Hopefully they wont use *your name* and you will get to claim it!! Lots of baby dust for a BFP!!

 

[emyandpotato]

Just wait until you're pregnant, you may find that you like all new names, I did! You may also never have a boy, or you're boy may not suit the name, or you may not have a boy for a while and by then your tastes have changed. If it's still the only name for him when and if he's born then use it without regret. The two of them would probably enjoy sharing a name anyway!

 

[deekey1016]

Thank you everybody for your responses. By the way, the name is Leo so there really aren't any variations to choose from. I guess I'll just have to suck it up if they have a boy.

 

[JJKCB]

you could use a long version

Leon
Leonard
Leopold
Leonardo

or your could switch syllables ollie

or you could use it for a girl instead

Leonora
Leona
Cleo