Advice on OH-turned out to be V long Sorry!!

[zowiey]

Right, I have written this out 3 times so far today, and deleted it every time.

We have been ttc for 20 months now, and have just started the basic tests. I have had my bloods come back, and they came back ok. Hubby has been really dragging his feet over his sample, this has been really frustrating me so much and last night it came to a head. He said he didn't want to have a baby any more, that we should accept it isn't going to happen and forget it! Obviously I was distraught, and left and went to my mums, he rang me loads and text saying he was sorry.

When I came home this morning, he broke down and admitted he desperately wants us to have a baby, but as my initial bloods have come back clear, he has convinced himself it's him with the problem! He doesn't want to let me down, I've told him that regardless I would never think he has let me down, but now I'm so worried about him, what if his results do show a problem? I don't think he will cope. He never gets down about anything, and is normally so upbeat and positive, in 10 years I've never seen him this way, and I really don't know the best way to support him.

Does anyone have any advice? I really don't know what to do?

Sorry for this being so long!!

 

[sparkle83]

just reassure him that you love him, and you'd be proud of him for having the nerve to find out. theres a fair chance it could be incompatibilty, tubal issues or just unexplained, it doesnt necessarily mean its male factor.

how about trying the at home one? if its all fine, he'll probably be better about having it done properly

 

[zowiey]

Exactly, I've told him that regardless of my bloods coming back ok, it doesn't mean its not me! But I hate that he feels like it's one of us, Like its a blame that needs to be laid somewhere, it just upsets me, that I really don't care who it is, I just want to move forward, and for us to do that he needs to do his test!

 

[kelly brown]

just reassure him that you love him, and you'd be proud of him for having the nerve to find out. theres a fair chance it could be incompatibilty, tubal issues or just unexplained, it doesnt necessarily mean its male factor.

how about trying the at home one? if its all fine, he'll probably be better about having it done properly

where do you get the at home ones from x

 

[jojo-m]

I think most men are terrified of that test, like it somehow threatens their masculinity. My hubby has one booked for in a couple of weeks and I'm scared he won't turn up, he didn't even come to our first fs appointment because he was busy at work!

I think your both talking about it now so maybe getting all fears out into the open will be good for the both of you! and besides which, like I keep telling my oh, there is plenty can be done to help a poor sperm sample!!! vitamins, less alcohol etc... its not impossible!

Good luck to you both xx

 

[Charlie19]

Hi zowiey,

I knw how you feel babe,

My husband felt exactly the same, and it turned out that we do have a "male factor" and he still feels insecure. Everyday I just reassure him that I love him this is "our" problem not his and that I will never leave him or blame him.

Is so difficult as we were together 10years before we started TTC and 2 years into it I now am pleased to know that I can be a support to him after all the years he supported me. He will never be comfortable giving a sperm sample but I will never be comfortable having a smear test !!


We are hoping to start IVF/ICSI next month and if that doesn't work we will deal with that I am sure.

Try to put yourself in his shoes, it cuts in to the macho gene and makes them feel like less of a man its had to cope with especially when they are the "strong" one. Its your turn to support him !! my friend tells me that is what a patnership is about !!

good luck sweetie, i hope you OH is a bit better this week, spoil him rotten and make him feel like a man !!

Love Charlie 19

 

[Jemao]

I was worrid my man would react like this too. Fortunately our doc has given us the paper work to get my day two and day 21 tests done as and when and he has to take his same in around the same time. The we get all the results back at the same time
I wasworrid about suggesting he he get tested but he said it first. I considored the at home one which I found online. Can get them on most sites where you buy hpt and opk from.
A crimes of mine did the home test which showed low sperm and the docs test prooved it.
Your man am sure is worried if there is a problem that you may think he isesser of a man which obviously is not true!!
Try the home test and reasure him that it's for the best he is checked and it may also stop the need for you to get tested further.

Good luck and baby dust to you xx

 

[kelly brown]

thinks it a man thing xxx