Advice pleaaaase?

[proudmomm2be]

Hey guys, i havent been on in a while and was pretty new when i was last on but i see alot of you have had your babys or is just about due Well congrats

what has everyone been up to?

Alot has happened with me.
became homeschooled till i can get my GED
I moved in with FOB, (thts why i havent been on bc he has no computer tht works)
Got Engaged
Then my mom told me we have to get married or shes going to press charges against the FOB.... so even though we wanted to wait a couple years im scheduled to get marrried on the 16th....
it sucks... i love him and i do want to be with him.. just im not ready for tht strong of a commitment on top of a baby....
Well any advice?

-Ashley

 

[mayb_baby]

Welcome back :wave:
Hi hunn and congrats all seems to be going well for you well apart from the whole being pressured to get wed

press charges against the FOB
Are you under age?

If your over 16 your mum cannot press charges you’re the only one capable of doing so

 

[proudmomm2be]

Thankss
&& im 16 and he just turned 20 so yea lol it sucks

 

[snapex]

Thankss
&& im 16 and he just turned 20 so yea lol it sucks

I thought the age limit was different in America? obviously not.

Hmm not sure what I could really say to that. You could try talking to your mum and making her see that you are getting married only what with being so young having a baby is a lot to handle without that too.
plus forgive me for asking but isn't the age limit for getting married over 18 or something in America and most places?. If so how does she suppose you do what she ask's of? she clearly doesn't like your partner and seems to me wouldn't approve of the marriage despite forcing you into it.
sorry for the questions, just a little confused. But yeah, I'd try talking to your mum one on one.

other than than congrats on getting engaged and the birth of your baby

 

[holly2234]

Firstly Congrats! But just a suggestion that you could maybe talk to your mum about. I wear a wedding ring and an engagement ring but my OH and i are just engaged. We will be getting married soon though. But the reason i wear the wedding ring is because it not only keeps men im not interested in very far away, it solves the problems of that horrible "young single mother" stigma which is definitely not true. Maybe suggest that to your mum as a temporary solution until you do feel ready?

 

[EffyKat]

Congratulations! I agree with Holly2234, I hope everything sorts itself out! x

 

[proudmomm2be]

Thankss
&& im 16 and he just turned 20 so yea lol it sucks

I thought the age limit was different in America? obviously not.

Hmm not sure what I could really say to that. You could try talking to your mum and making her see that you are getting married only what with being so young having a baby is a lot to handle without that too.
plus forgive me for asking but isn't the age limit for getting married over 18 or something in America and most places?. If so how does she suppose you do what she ask's of? she clearly doesn't like your partner and seems to me wouldn't approve of the marriage despite forcing you into it.
sorry for the questions, just a little confused. But yeah, I'd try talking to your mum one on one.

other than than congrats on getting engaged and the birth of your baby

Well i have to have their permission to get married... and shes the one forcing me... and as far as the whole talking to her thing.... ive tried that for a month now... and already got her to move the date to the 16th she just doesnt approve of me being pregnant... at first she was so nice then she just turned into this mean over controlling person... ive talked with her so many times and she said well its either you do as i say or ur boyfriend goes to jail... which isnt fair at all... its like blackmail... but she is my parent and she can do what she wants... i just wish i could have more say in my life..

 

[proudmomm2be]

Firstly Congrats! But just a suggestion that you could maybe talk to your mum about. I wear a wedding ring and an engagement ring but my OH and i are just engaged. We will be getting married soon though. But the reason i wear the wedding ring is because it not only keeps men im not interested in very far away, it solves the problems of that horrible "young single mother" stigma which is definitely not true. Maybe suggest that to your mum as a temporary solution until you do feel ready?

thanks that is a great idea but i already tried tht.. idk what her problem is at first i thought it was bc shes religious... so i tried to tell her tht i would just wear a ring so every one thinks im married... but she wouldnt go for tht.

so then we tried the whole Jareds(FOB) mom adopting me thing tht made her even more mad. so now were not speaking. the last thing she said to me was either your butt is there at that church on the 16th or jared will be a registered sex offender, and will be in jail. so i then said ok fine i will be there but after that i want nothing to do with you... which was a little harsh but shes in the wrong not me.

 

[holly2234]

Well im all out of suggestions now and i dont know what you can do other than test her nerve and see what she does if you dont go to the church, or go ahead with it and possibly regret it or possibly be the best thing of your life. You know your mum better than anyone so you know the likely outcome of what she really means and what she says to scare you.

 

[FayDanielle]

I dont know how your mum can press charges when you consented to having sex with him?
xx

 

[Pixxie]

I don't understand your mum, the FOB is sticking around, you are engaged, but she still threatening legal action that will result in your baby being without a daddy?

I'm sorry I don't really have any advice since I don't know how the laws work over there. From what I gather though you're under the age of consent so she would be getting him done for statutory rape? Have you spoke to FOB's mum to see what she suggests? I'm wondering if since you are 16 and you are actually in a relationship how far your mum would be able to take this, since you are less than a year away from your states age of consent I don't think she would get very far but I could be very wrong.

Do you think she would actually get him sent to jail if she could?

I would talk to FOB's mum xxx

 

[proudmomm2be]

Well im all out of suggestions now and i dont know what you can do other than test her nerve and see what she does if you dont go to the church, or go ahead with it and possibly regret it or possibly be the best thing of your life. You know your mum better than anyone so you know the likely outcome of what she really means and what she says to scare you.

yea your right and i knew that its just it so hard... no one should have to be forced into something like that its a wonderful thing (getting married) and i believe you should be the one to decide if you want to get married or not....

 

[Pixxie]

I dont know how your mum can press charges when you consented to having sex with him?
xx

The age of consent in her state is 17, so she is under age and it would be classed as statutory rape xx

 

[vhal_x]

Check the laws for your area, it may or may not tell you if she can even do that to you. Sometimes as long as you consented to sex it can prevent him from being put on the sex offender's register and can save him from jail, but sometimes if you say you consented it's not just him, but both of you, who will be put on the register (or so I've heard anyway, and of course that may only be UK), so read up and search around hun, good luck anyway and big xx​

 

[proudmomm2be]

I don't understand your mum, the FOB is sticking around, you are engaged, but she still threatening legal action that will result in your baby being without a daddy?

I'm sorry I don't really have any advice since I don't know how the laws work over there. From what I gather though you're under the age of consent so she would be getting him done for statutory rape? Have you spoke to FOB's mum to see what she suggests? I'm wondering if since you are 16 and you are actually in a relationship how far your mum would be able to take this, since you are less than a year away from your states age of consent I don't think she would get very far but I could be very wrong.

Do you think she would actually get him sent to jail if she could?

I would talk to FOB's mum xxx

yea i dont really understand her actions either any normal human being would leave us be and be proud tht hes sticking aroung and supporting me and our baby but shes not ....

&His mom just suggests that we try to push it off as far as we can but she doesnt want her son to be n jail either so were all torn here... i know my mom and she will do it... shes not afraid to ruin my life and even her future grandchilds life... shes selfish and yea ughhhh ...lol

 

[holly2234]

Well im all out of suggestions now and i dont know what you can do other than test her nerve and see what she does if you dont go to the church, or go ahead with it and possibly regret it or possibly be the best thing of your life. You know your mum better than anyone so you know the likely outcome of what she really means and what she says to scare you.

yea your right and i knew that its just it so hard... no one should have to be forced into something like that its a wonderful thing (getting married) and i believe you should be the one to decide if you want to get married or not....

Youre right it should happen when you want it to and you shouldnt have a huge cloud hanging over the day youll remember for the rest of your life. Maybe dont turn up at the wedding and if she really does press charges and they can put him in jail, tell the police you lied about your age or he isnt the father. Obviously neither are true but it should keep a dad for your baby which is most important. But im not too sure on the laws in your state and i dont know how saying either of those things could come back and bite you in the future.

 

[JoJo16]

tell your mum shes not invited to the wedding!! i suppose she would wana see proof so that would rule out pretending u got married. you shouldnt get married because shes forced you if shes religious at all she should know that u want to get married because u love each other not because shes forcing you. sorry for what your going through but congrats on the pregnancy x

 

[MissMamma]

Maybe pretend to get really into the idea but say and tell her you want to plan it, then plan a big fake wedding! Then she'll think you're married, you'll know you're not then when you're both ready to do it properly you can! Wouldn't your mum be surprised

EDIT: Sorry i think i might of just confused your life with a film!

 

[18singlemom2b]

Thankss
&& im 16 and he just turned 20 so yea lol it sucks

that's terribly unfair..i'm sorry. in all honestly i'm 18 and the FOB is 39 years old. it isn't illegal but it's a lot more wrong than your age difference...haha. the law doesn't always make sense to me..

 

[Burchy314]

I just looked up statutory rape lays for where you are and it says

Aggravated criminal sexual abuse is sexual penetration with a victim between age 13 and 17 by an offender at least five years older.

You two are only 4 years apart so it shouldn't count, but I could be wrong.

Also if she does end up taking him to court all you need to tell the judge is about how she is forcing you to get married and the only reason she is pressing charges is because you refused. The court will see it as she is only doing this to save her reputation and will most likely be on your side and he will be fine. I hope that helped.

The website I found it on is https://www.cga.ct.gov/2003/olrdata/jud/rpt/2003-r-0376.htm

If you want more information you can message me because my OH is REALLY good with the law and I can talk to him about it more.