advice please!! Young mums.

[tubby]

hello, i thought this would be an ideal place to post my problem.

I am 19 and have been in a stable relationship for 4years. Everything seems perfect. We both have good paid jobs and are discussing having a baby as we have been doing for quite some time now. I have pcos so my chances of having a baby are lowered and wondering if i should take my chances at the young age whilst im still fit and healthy enough for a child?

I don't have any people to ask in person so, any young mums or people who have been in the same situation as me, please help me out. Im wondering, how much it costs and how much you should expect to have to fully cater for a new born baby. Is it easy or is it a constant strugle? What was your experience like? How are things now? How did the family re act?

Sorry it seems a little much all in one post, id rather just get it all out at once Any advice and help is truly appreciated.

Thank you very much, Tubby x

 

[Mervs Mum]

I was 19 and like you when we TTC #1 and in a stable relationship - we were married and owned our own home and still very much in love.

I wont lie to you at times it was hard but of course at the same time it was rewarding too. I felt at times I was missing out - my mates were off to uni or working and out clubbing with their friends and partners and generally doing what 19 and 20 year olds do.

We divorced when my DD was just 2. It had an enormous effect on her and while I wouldnt give her up for the world, if I had my time over I wouldnt be in such a rush to TTC. I'd enjoy 'us' for longer. Enjoy living together, travelling together, having the money for new cars and spending time with each other. Having a baby definately ties you down which is fine if you are ready to be tied down and have done your 'living'. I thought I was ready but with hindsight I wasnt.

Financially we struggled. I was the main wage earner and I was all set to go straight back to work but when she was born I didnt want to. So things changed and we had a lot less money. That definitely took it's toll and was a factor in the split.

Even though I was married my mum was gutted when I said I was pregnant. She was 23 when she had me and she felt she had missed out. My dad was fine and when she came they were obviously thrilled. My dad has been like a dad to her when her dad decided he didnt want to bother with her anymore - she's really close to my mum too.

So probably not what you wanted to hear but it's how it was for me. I was 33 (and remarried) when we TTC#2 and I do feel better prepared this time and I genuinely am ready to settle down. I made up for what I missed out on after. Fortunately I have a supportive family who helped me do the things I wanted to do when I was a single mum.

No doubt there will be people with good stories to tell but mine wasnt so great but still no regrets.

 

[AP]

I started TTC at 21, so maybe not as young, but i do ditto what the previous poster said. My relationship too, was fine and dandy - believe me, it took the turn for the worst this week. We both admit that perhaps we still should have had some 'us' time. I dont regret having my lil girl now, but, I do believe its not a do or die situation, I realise now TTC shouldnt be rushed - theres no reason to rush into it, even just waiting out another year or so could make all the difference chick.

 

[bunnyg82]

Hey sweetie, just wanted to say that me and my hubby were married at 19 and although we didn't want children at that time, we certainly would have felt mature enough and so if you feel ready, it may be worth starting now with your pcos. As long as you know that it's not always easy (which I am sure you are) and really do feel ready, there's no reason not to go for it xx

 

[Deeper Blue]

Hey babe, I'm not in your situation, but theres a good thread in the Baby and Toddler section of the forum that you may find useful.

https://www.babyandbump.com/baby-to...-mum-being-teen-mum-uk-us-21st-28th-june.html

x

 

[tubby]

thank you for your replies, i really appreciate the help.

Mervs Mum: Thanks for your story its really given me an insight however, im sorry to hear about what happened and i hope you're all good and healthy

SB22: Same to you really, sorry about whats happened this week lovely i hope everything gets sorted.

So thanks again everyone

 

[xCherylx]

Hiya I had Jack when I was 19 and we had known each other for 2 years but only got together the night Jack was conceived ! Luckily for us we truly are soulmates!! As I know alot of girls in my year at school are single mums now only 2 out of 8 are with the dads and 1 is even divorced :S
How much it costs: Totally depends on the individual - I was lucky at the time to have student loans and would splash out on anything and everything! Although as Jack got older I quickly realised it was not needed as he would prefer to play with a milk carton or spoon rather that the ridiculously price toys I brought him. I probably spend £20 a week on Jack for nappies wipes and food for him.
Coping with a Newborn: It is very difficult dealing with the lack of sleep which I totally did not expect! Every 3-4 hours is very tiring and can cause a huge amount of arguments surrounding the lack of sleep However it is probably the easiest time as you are not running around after them
How did the family react: My dad didn't speak to me for a week, and my mum was a little shocked however she was 2 years younger than me when she was pregnant so understood completely. My family was amazing and were very excited and supportive
Now:I love my little family and we are even moving to a new country so we can get our own place and live a better live out there, I could not imagine a live without my little boy, he is so funny and I love him so much. Me and OH argue of course but it is more like bickering (sp?) but it is simply because we are tired, due to Jack teething we still aren't getting a full night sleep. But we'll get there and we never look back and never regret anything x

 

[Mervs Mum]

Thanks Tubby. We are all fine and dandy now and it's all part of the rich tapestry of life

Good luck with everything you choose x

 

[Catastrophe]

I don't have any advice for you since my situation is completely different but just wanted to say that it sounds like you have a damn good head on your shoulders and will cope whatever you decide is best for you.

Good luck with everything

 

[tubby]

Once again thank you for the replies. I didn't know what to expect as i have asked this question on yahoo answers and got negative and abusive ignorant answers.

So thank you very much. Good luck to everyone

 

[tidgypom]

y

 

[Mervs Mum]

Yahoo answers seems to be somewhere for trolls to bash people. You've come to a friendly forum. People here will give honest opinions, even when they might not be the answer people are necessarily hoping for, but on the whole you will find constructive genuine advice.

 

[tasha41]

I'm 19 & I had my daughter in March. You can have a baby with a small budget, you can have a baby with a big budget.. it's just about being resourceful Your life will change entirely; I don't sleep in (uninterrupted) EVER anymore.. I don't get to eat always when dinner is hot & fresh on the table.. I have to bring Elyse into the bathroom while I shower.. even if I can afford to do some things I still can't because I have a baby to bring with me everywhere.

Elyse wasn't planned and my parents were pretty disappointed & upset, but they got over it and while they weren't very impressed with ME and I got quite a bit of flack from my father... they helped me as much as they could for the sake of their granddaughter (who they are absolutely in love with now).

I wouldn't say having a baby is hard or that it is easy. Caring for your baby isn't something that just comes to you as soon as they're born, you have to learn how. Every baby is different, they all have their own little personalities and preferences.. I'd say it was hardest when she was younger (when I was still new at being a mom and trying to recover all at once-but my recovery has been long & I had a c-section so maybe not typical).

Overall the experience has been amazing though. I'm so different now, and I've never loved anyone as much as I love my daughter. She's starting to be a lot of fun to play with as she's more interactive now. I'm much closer with my family and I've gained an entire new family (OH's family) in this all. While I don't get to go out and have fun with my friends really.. I have a lot of fun with my family now. I'm really looking forward to the future with my little family... and praying that everything works out because I love the 2 of them (Elyse & OH) so much!!

I do wish I would have waited to have a baby though. I wish I had school done, I wish I had my house bought, I wish I had a steady job with health benefits and/or a pension, I wish I had gotten to experience more things (travelling mainly, but there are a few other things too I guess), I wish I got to enjoy OH all for myself for awhile longer, I wish we were married... that's all that comes to me right now but I've never regretted having Elyse for one second.

 

[achekh8707]

I was 19 when Emma was born. She was not planned though. In a few short words, yes it is expensive, yes it is extremely emotionally hard, but it is still the most rewarding thing you can possibly do. If you go into it knowing that you need to be careful with your relationship while pregnant and when you have a newborn it will help you survive. I don't see the need to rush though. I know for a fact that even if I had waited until now to have a kid (at 21 now) instead of 19 I would be significantly more mature than I was at that time.

 

[Blob]

Hey, we didnt TTC our first baby, like you we had been together a while (5years) For me JUST NOW its perfect we are SOOO happy together I have totally no idea how much it costs i had lots of savings and now i have not much ha ha!! My OH works and i am now a SAHM We are planning our second.

I do even now wonder god what could i be doing right now, but then i was never one to go out and cant think of ANYTHING better than sitting in the park with my baby girl!! We're planning on getting married next year and sometimes i do think about how young we are and although i know we are right together i wonder if it would have been better to have met slightly older and experienced more of life..

But i wouldnt change anything i have i love my family and i'm so happy i cant wait to add to it!!!