Advice very much needed

[angelpkj]

won't go on and into it but my ex is not allowed to see our son untill he sorts his act out

i've come away with my son for 6 weeks to give my ex time to think and make a start on sorting his life out only to find out he's carrying on as he is and hasn't changed

i will be comming home soon and he knows this,he will then start asking and asking and asking to see our son

he's not the sort of person you'd want or trust looking after your child infact hes the very sort of person you'd want to protect your child from

he says he will take me to court if he has too,althought im confident once they find out stuff about him they won't allow visits
i've also been told they wont stop a father seeing his child no matter what

i just want a clean break and him not to be around,its not down to resentment as i am/have been willing to write up terms and conditions he needs to meet in order to see his son (nothing over the top basic stuff like not being drugged up when you see him!!!)

but he's not willing to meet these therms

he asked me to send him pictures of our son while hes sortin his life out,so i did
he emailed me back full of abuse so i told him thats that i wont be sending him anymore pictures if i get a reply like that

is there anything i can do to keep him away from my son?what if it goes to court?he's on the birth certificate

 

[Seraphim]

Sorry I don't know, but wanted to send you

 

[angelpkj]

bump!

 

[Strawberrymum]

I guess the only thing you could do is fight for it. Or you could offer supervised visits at yours or a mutual place and have you and another person you trust there.

 

[xoxsarahxox]

It would all depend on what it is that he has done that makes you want to keep your son away. If you genuinely have concerns about contact then when or if he takes you to court, stick to your guns and DO NOT under any circumstance agree to the contact if it un supervised even if you solicitor tells you it's the best option, do not do it. Ask for a full cafcass report. These people are there t safeguard children and they will do an assessment on your child and the father, if he is as bad as you believe he is they will pick up on this and there findings wil be reported back to the courts. Just do what yourngut instincts tell you to. I have been fighting through court now with my ex for 3 years and have seen and heard it all :/ x

 

[angelpkj]

thank you!!

his parents were on my side but now have made friends with their son so are turning on me
they said they do not wish to see my son if i refuse to let his daddy see him

talk about cuttin their nose off to spite ther face!

but anyway i have saved every single message off them with them being very un-civil

last sat one of my FOBS friends took his 8 week old baby round to my ex's house at 3am on a sat night while FOB and his friends were having a drug fueled party

i told FOBS mum as it seems she never believes me
her response was pathetic
she said it was FOBS house so he could do what he wants and invite who he wants round
she just avoided the whole point of my ex had a baby at his house while everyone was on drugs


i've saved them messages tho so happy as this is surely somethin to prove what fob and his parents are like

i dont think it'll go court as theres 2 much shit on him i have pics of him holding drugs and his dealer will not want this going public,plus fob has another child so wont want shit gettin stirred up with that
but just incase i want to be prepared as it makes me worry alot "what ifs" xx

 

[angelpkj]

well he somehow got hold of my new number and txt me saying he was lettin me know the soliciters letters will be going to my mums and he will see me in court and its his word agaisnt mine

scared

he has turned so many people agaisnt me with his lies
dispite the proof i have i am still scared the judge will side with him


i will settle with FOB seeing my son at my mums house for an hour a week or twice a week if i have too but i really dont want him around,what do i do when my sons older n wants to know why FOB only sees him around people and never alone etc

 

[manhead]

im sorry to say this, if he takes u to court for contact he will get it, he might get supervised contact the judge sees it that a child should know their father, its a lengthy process he might get bored of going to court every couple of month and not stick at it, fingers crossed he gets bored, as for the messages he sends you keep them for your solicitor to see them

 

[cluelessnow]

It would all depend on what it is that he has done that makes you want to keep your son away. If you genuinely have concerns about contact then when or if he takes you to court, stick to your guns and DO NOT under any circumstance agree to the contact if it un supervised even if you solicitor tells you it's the best option, do not do it. Ask for a full cafcass report. These people are there t safeguard children and they will do an assessment on your child and the father, if he is as bad as you believe he is they will pick up on this and there findings wil be reported back to the courts. Just do what yourngut instincts tell you to. I have been fighting through court now with my ex for 3 years and have seen and heard it all :/ x

I agree with xoxsarahxox - it sounds like he's getting tough on you and you need to be prepared to fight back. I'm no expert and I'm not sure what's done to make you so scared of having him around but I guess the more proof you have that he's an unfit father the better especially if he's ever physically, emotionally or verbally abusive to you or your son (or in his presence). But stick to your guns - the more you do, the more he'd show his true colours and the more you'd be able to use it against him. Note down times and dates of when incidences happen just in case you're asked to provide examples. If there are witnesses, get a statement and contact details from them for proof. Good luck

 

[Paton]

agree with sarah and cluelessnow.. just be prepared to stand up for your LO and fight it out. Courts are a lengthy and expensive process (for him as he's making the application). You may find it's all threats on his side because he'll hate the court process just as much as you) and with the amount of evidence you have they will see you are purely protecting your LO by not wanting there to be contact. If he takes you to court you will be contacted by cafcass and they will ask you all of your concerns about him.. so tell them and they will make a full report to pass over to the judge.

Yes it is true that contact is almost always rewarded but it is the level of contact and the circumstances surrounding it that you need to address.. you need it to be with strict supervision when he is not on drugs. If he can't agree to that or stick to it then he'll be breaching all court orders anyway.

Just take it as it comes and don't worry about the rest.. always good to keep hold of the conversations you've had and evidence regarding drugs and the lack of care over LO's welfare around drugs..

you'll be fine, just stick by your LO and don't settle because you feel you have to. Judges sometimes try to pressurise the mothers into giving in (it makes their life easier if a case is settled quickly regardless of the outcome). So don't feel threatened or bad if they try and push you into it and u still say no.. stand your ground and they'll realise that you are doing the best for your LO.

Having said that this may well be empty threats and he doesn't bother taking it to court.

Best advise i had going through this was pay attention to what is on paper and let everything else go over your head.

xxx
xx