advice wanted for friend - her kids dad playing nasty with police :(

[DizzyMoo]

Hi all just wanted some advice really or some crafty but legal ways of helping her.. She doesn't know i'm asking so i wont mention names but i want to go round & give her some advice or ideas .
Anyway ... she has 2 girls to her ex (M) whilst they originally agreed maintenance without csa as i advised her things got nasty when she met someone else & she ended up having to go through csa which because M was on a decent wage they kinda stumped him for a lot of money. Anyway as things have gone on she is now single again & is getting a lot of shit from him in the way that he is now involving police against her in a way to get custody of the 2 girls. Now my friend does have a temper & can go nuts & be abusive physically & verbally when he provokes her but in the last few wks he has phoned police saying she is harassing him & she got a warning from them, & now he has contacted them again saying she has made threats to kill him & that he is now in fear of his life causing her to spend a full day at the police station yet again .. Thing is where as i believe she may of said alsorts to him he is provoking her by throwing custody battles at her, whilst he constantly harrasses her , he takes the girls & then suddenly turns up where she is & dumps them on her, he doesn't pay when he says he will, He rings her for no reason & abuses her & or he just doesnt take the kids full stop, She knows her temper needs to calm down but with the way things are im scared for her he may win in court. She is not a bad mum to the girls & she cares for them fine so its not like they aren't cared for, But he is obviously doing this to get at her & use it against her in court.
What's the chances of this going against her? I dont believe for a moment she has made real threats to kill , more likely in the heat of the moment she has said " you dare do xyz & ill bloody kill ya " & hes taken it to far.
She has tried to stop contact & told him to go through courts but when she did this he told a female friend of his where she lived & she went round to my friends & they got into a physical fight outside her house ( the girls were with the dad at the time so he knew fine well she would react as they weren't there ) My friend actually floored the girl senseless & then this girl contacted the police!! Its not on but what can i advise her to do . Its like they are just setting her up & yes she is at some fault but i cant help but think i'd as mad as her too if my ex was playing nasty like him.

Sorry its long but any advice appreciated x

 

[babybaillie]

I think she should stop all contact with her ex completely. Do all talking through lawyers for the time being. Arrange some sort of access where the 2 do not need to see each other. She really needs to calm down and think about whats going to happen in the long run. Courts dont take kids from the mum unless they think she could harm the child. and its a very last resort. I would advise her to get some serious advice on this. I presume the kids are happy at home with mum? she really needs to put a lot of space between her ex and her in order to settle things. Being viloent and abusive isnt the way to react. she should try the silent treatment if she can..... its a hard one, but being viloent etc could play right into his hand!!

 

[Kimboowee]

I agree with above - play violent and he stands a better chance. What about anger management or something? Surely if anything does go to court it'll be admitting she has problems but she's trying to sort them out

 

[sophxx]

If she's playing violent he stands a lot better chance weather he's makeing her do it or not! She needs to stop all contact change her number keep a record of what he says record the converstations if he does get them number! If he comes to the house don't answer the door ring the police! Arrange a center where he has set times to see the girls supervised then she doesnt have to see him! And not rise to him as hard as it mite be! X

 

[Welshcob]

What a nightmare! But shes making it worse for herself. Even if he is setting her up (having been there myself) I think she needs to do ALL she can to avoid an confrontation. Maybe if she focusses on that this is the reaction he is looking for, that might prevent her letting rip. Also focus on that, by letting rip she may lose the children. I think this would have a major sobering effect on her temper...at least it would me. x

 

[DizzyMoo]

cheers ladies, ive seen her today & tried to find out more info.

She's always had a temper but i dnt mean she just goes nuts for no reason lol ..
Kids are perfectly fine with mum & cared for , nothing even remotely worrying there. Its just him trying to get as much as he can to fire at her in court, Apparently she was released without charge for the threatening to kill as he couldn't prove it, she had offered her phone to say he was harrassing her with the 400 missed calls in 2wks , yep 400!!

She has i think at the mo stopped all contact & has said go through a solicitor, so we'll see what happens.