advice?

[Munchkinn_]

So me and FOB split up when i was around 8weeks pregnant, when we found out i was pregnant.
He told me 'go doctors get it sorted'
I have not seen him since.
He had a new girlfriend within days.
His family all say 'his going to be there'
We have spoke ocasionally over facebook email and text.

now im coming towards the end of my pregnancy i have really had enough.
Im only 17. (18 next month) His 20.
I am so angry and hurt that i dont think he deserves to be in the babys life.
His asked me to lie to csa and say i dont know whos babys dad is, the jobcentre told me other day if i dont ring csa theres a chance my benifets could get stoped which i personally don't think is fair that bubs and me get no money, its not our fault he cant own up to his own responsibilities.

i dont think its fair that him and most his family have pretty much ignored me for the majourity of this pregancy, would i be wrong not letting them see bubs? cos i personally think there going to make things more stressful.. or do i just wait and see if he pulls his socks up

such a hard dilema has anyone got any advive or had a similar situation?

 

[Kacie]

It makes no difference to benefits whether you go to CSA or not so I don't know why they would say that to you??? very odd

any money that FOB gives you for maintenance is not taken from your benefits.. benefits are paid at the same rate regardless. And every organisation I know hates the CSA because it is a pretty useless system! I'd still go through them if he stays in your baby's life but don't expect a great deal from them as it is so easy for dad's to hide or say they're unemployed to get out of paying.

It's up to you what you want to do.. I work on the assumption that, if the dad wants to be there and makes the effort then that's fine but he has to pay his bit. If he ups and goes he doesn't get lots of second chances as I don't want to see my baby's heart breaking everytime i have to come up with an excuse as to why he can't make it to see her this week.

Personally though I would make sure that you register the birth without him on the certificate as he has far too many legal rights if you do put him on the certificate.
(may sound harsh but it's the way the law works in uk.. if he is on the certificate he has joint responsibility and therefore all the same rights as u, meaning if he didn't give baby back for any reason then the police wouldn't force him to). So it's just a way to cover yourself.

I hope things work out ok for you xx

 

[cluelessnow]

You need to think about yourself and the baby. That means financially as well so don't feel bad about getting him to do his bit. Don't feel bad if you cut his family out as they seem to have with you. If they contact you, then you can decide later.