Af got me yesterday, and having a hard time

[ces2008]

I'm having a hard time right now. Last cycle was cycle 3 on Clomid,and AF just got me yesterday. My cycle was a wierd one for me. I had a 13 day LP! The longest I've ever had was 11, and that was only 2 out of the last 10. So out of 10 cycles charting, my LP has only been higher then 10 on 3 of them. Its consistently 10 or lower.
So, I'm following through with the plan my OBGYN and I decided on if I didnt get pregnant last cycle. I have an appt with him Monday afternoon to discuss if my LP is a problem. So, Clomid is on hold this cycle.
To top it off, 4 pregnancies have been confirmed to me. 1 is from a very close friend who has had 2 miscarriages and had decided she wasnt going to have a baby. That she couldnt handle the pain anymore. Another is from a woman I met on here, and became friends on facebook. I am extremely excited for both of them.
The problem I am having is the other 2. One, is a new coworker. She has 3 kids already, and is pregnant with her 4th. And she's pissed about it. She was gonna make an appt to get her tubes tied. Says her husband did it on purpose so he didnt have to get a job. Makes me sad!
The other is someone Ive know for years. She is not 100% mentally competent. I love her to death, but she cant take care of herself. She "accidentally" got pregnant with a guy shes been with all of 3 or 4 months. Its hard to see someone who literally cant work and cant take care of herself having a baby!
I know this makes me sound bad. I know I sound like a horrible person. But I cant help but feel the way I do. Im trying so hard to keep a smile on my face and pretend Im happy for them. All I feel like doing is screaming and crying!
Am I the only one who feels this way? Does it make me a bad person?

 

[Molae06]

I feel this way all the time. And no, if this made you a bad person, I would be a terrible person.

 

[ces2008]

thanks for the reply! glad im not the only one. feeling that way makes me feel like a horrible person! just kinda down today!

 

[Myshelsong]

You are not a bad person. You are not even remotely bad, you are perfectly normal in your feelings.

We have been trying since June 2011 and I have never gotten a BFP.
Since we have started trying my 3 friends at work all have had successful pregnancies and delivered happy healthy babies. One of them just had their second baby last month .... and the baby shower is tomorrow.

I am going to fake sick and not go. I just cant handle it, I just took a test this morning and another BFN. There is only so much one person can endure before they snap and steal someone else baby for a minute or two, so best to stay away I say.

 

[weebubba]

You have just put into words how I'm feeling too! I'm assuming lots of us feel this way sometimes. It doesn't make us bad just human!

 

[ces2008]

Thanks everyone. Its nice to know Im not the only one who feels this way. Just having a hard time! Thanks for all the support! We have been TTC since June 2011 with absolutley no BFP!

 

[missy545]

If it makes you feel any better, I was jealous of a co-worker who had an unplanned pregnancy but is now going through hell because it was ectopic and had to be removed. Of course I want her to just be healthy, but I couldn't help but think at least she got pregnant. And that made me feel like a really bad, small person. But none of us are. Its ok to be jealous and sometimes we will just feel that way. I think as long as you don't say anything to the person, it'd ok. I really think its normal.