Afraid I might be joining the ranks of single parents...

[CeliaM]

I'm so upset... my husband told me this morning he's seriously considering leaving me. I don't want him to, but we've been having marraige problems for a while now. I've not talked to friends about the issues we're having, I'm too embarrassed because it's got a lot to do with the lack of passion in our love life. He'd be happy with sex everyday, and completely satisfied with once every 1-2 weeks. He's also way more into experimenting with different things that I'm just not comfortable with. It's always been this way with us, but moreso since we've started having kids. He says sex is his #1 issue, and I feel like I've completely failed him. Yet part of me is just angry that I do so much for him and the family in other ways, and none of that seems to count for much. Is something wrong with me that my sex drive is so low? The kids are busy, and at the end of the day I'm tired. I try to do what I can to keep him happy, but he's angry that it lack passion, and that he always initiates.

So, since we decided to have kids, I stopped taking courses in university where I had planned on going into teaching. I was lisensed for opticianry as well, but since being a stay-at-home-mom, I've let my lisence expire and it's not something that I could make much of a living at anyways. I have nothing to fall back on, and have 3 little children. How can I possibly make it on my own? I find it hard now taking care of things, and that's without having to earn a living, and having a husband to help out in the evenings.

I'm scared. I'm scared that this will be hard on the kids.

 

[lilyd]

His children and his wife should be his number one issue, not sex. How pathetic and selfish of him, not to mention immature.

You have not failed him and you should not let him make you feel a failure. You are raising 3 children and running a home. If he showed you appreciation rather than anger, I'm sure it would help.

If he thinks he is going to find a woman who thinks sex should be valued more highly than their partner or family then I think he is (thankfully) mistaken.

 

[babybaillie]

Im so sorry hun. Thats sad. Its no wonder u dont fancy it much, with kiddies running around it is a killer for d old love life.

Why dont u try and get sum time alone see if u cant rekindle d love. Or even get away just d 2 of u for a nite. Make an effort. If its worth saving, u may as well give it 100% Make time for just the 2 of u is just as important as family time.

I hope u sort things out xx

 

[Dinoslass]

I agree that you should not feel like you failed him. Especially with little children and a household you can be so knackered at the end of the day. Plus I think that everyone's sex life has periods of having more and having less sex.
Him wanting to break up a marriage for lack of sex (in the period of little children) makes him sound a bit lame, sorry.
The idea of being on your own might be scary but I am sure you are strong enough to manage. I wish you good luck anyways, because you must be feeling very mixed up. Must be so awful to live in insecurity about your marriage ending.

 

[CeliaM]

Thanks ladies, glad to hear from others that I'm not the one who's failing here. I know a good sex life is really important to him, but I also think it's selfish of him to be so demanding in that department. I do so much trying to keep everyone healthy and happy. He works hard too, providing for the family, but while at the end of the day I'm spent, he's wanting sex. I think I'll make a post in the relationships forum to see how other folks cope with mismatched sex drives. He's always making it seem like I'm the freak for not wanting it alot, when I think I do fall in the realm of normal!

If he leaves me for this, I think eventually he'd want to come back as he'll see that I have a heck of a lot more value than he credits me for. I'm just so scared to go it alone.

 

[purpledahlia]

i agree with the ladies, hope he comes to his senses. hugs! x

 

[honey08]

agree with the others!

 

[tinkabells]

They just dont realise what we go through day to day, and they think after cooking cleaning running around with the kids, doing the washing ironing, shopping the list goes on and on and on, wonder why were so bloody knackered and last thing on our mind is to get naked and thrash around under the covers, or just lay there while his on top and make a few noises just to make them feel better, they have no idea, but hope things work out for you xxx

 

[Ash_P]

I agree with what the others say, Ur running a house and looking after 3 kids. Im sure at the end of the day sex is the last thing on ur mind.
Something I always say is Foreplay is all day, not just once u hit the bed. If he cant make u feel special and wanted throughout the day, and valued for the things u do, then why would u wanna lye there and have sex with him.

Try and keep strong, if u do have to go it alone, U WILL cope, its scary but u will find a way of getting through it. Try sitting down and having a chat and see where that gets u.

Good luck, I hope everything works out for you and the kids x