Ahhh I just want to scream :(

[kiki04]

Its been awhile since I came here... I needed to focus on the positive things in life again... but, here I am just a few days from the dreaded 1st bday in heaven for Hadlee and I have become CONSUMED with everything and anything to do with her all over again. On the internet, I look at things like March of Dimes, FB pages like angel wings, I have it figured out to the day as of now she would have been (if born on due date) 6 months and 17 days old... probably about 17 lbs, most likely bald with a little bit of light brown hair and brown eyes like her big sister. I am feeling nervous about going to spend her bday IN A CEMETARY!!! Who the eff should EVER have to celebrate their childs first bday in a cemetary This in turn is making me DESPERATE for my rainbow and it just isnt happening. We have been TTC since dec now and my cycles have gone insane. I am currently on cd48 and have NOT even ovulated yet Never in my life have my cycles been like this, until nov 2011, one month before we started ttc. I have had ONE normal cycle since then.. the rest are a good 60 days long, and this current one will be longer as my LP is about 13 days so even if I ovulated today it would go past 60 days. UGH! WTF?!

Sorry just needed to moan a bit today.

 

[Pinkorblue11]

I'm so sorry

I'm only a month out from my loss but when I get the urge to scream, I do it. Go to my car, blast the music and scream til I'm hoarse. I hope your cycle sorts itself our soon.

 

[Andypanda6570]

Krissy, I know just how you feel, believe me. I just know great things will happen for you and believe me Hadlee will we watching They want the best for their mommy's , I know this. Stay strong and just know so many love you. You are such a great friend to so many and so thoughtful so please know we all are here for you , all the time.. XOXOXX

 

[jennijunni]

lots of hugs! My 1 year anniversary is coming up too, it has been on my mind so much. Thinking of you.

 

[lch28]

I'm so sorry hun =[
i lost my daughter at 23 weeks in February. it has consumed my every thought. i can't imagine how i will feel on her birthday. my due date is coming up on june 24th. i am so sorry your cycles are weird. i have not ovulated since my loss. =[ it is hard because we just want our rainbows. hang in there

 

[Nikki_d72]

Oh Krissy hun, I came back here to look for something and saw your post. I'm so sorry, I will be thinking of you all day. It's bound to throw you back there again, it probably needs to happen. All I can say is do what feels right for you (or as right as it can be, I know celebrating Hadlee in the cemetary is never what you would have planned or wanted) and let the emotion flow as it needs to. I wish you as gentle a day as possible, floaty kisses to Hadlee, she will be proud of her lovely family. xxxx