Almost 20 weeks with #2 and single

[tinymumma]

I finally did it, bit the bullet and left my husband. We have a two year old and I'm 19+2. Our relationship has been rocky (putting it mildly) for the very beginning. I made excuse for emotional/ mental and financial abuse because I know why he is the way he is. However 3 years on and nothing has changed. He refuses to get help, rarely goes to work. We are broke, drowning in debt. I'm not allowed to talk unless it's about him and how he's feeling. We have completely different parenting styles and I have just reached the point of no return. Love isn't enough anymore. I do love this man, with all of my heart but I love him. Not this narcissistic, selfish, immature and irresponsible person he has become. I've tried and tried and now I'm tired. So emotionally drained that I find it so hard to function most days.
As sad as I am, I know this is the right decision for my children. The hardest part though, I swore to myself it would never be like this. That I would never be like this. I am a young mum (20 years old) and now a single mum of two. I was proud of the fact that I was still with the fat he of my children and now I feel like I have failed. Just another idiot girl who had children young and will be judged accordingly. Even though I don't drink or do drugs, I haven't been out since my son was born (I don't even want to). I'm a good mum and nothing like the stigma but this felt like the one thing I could prove to the world that I'm not a failure and now it's happened... The thought of being with anyone else makes me want to vomit, I only want him but I just can't do it anymore. I can't live the rest of my stressing about money, about whether I'm being lied to, having my kids watch Daddy yell and scream and sometimes push mummy around. I know I've done the right thing and that I will get through this but I just can't shake feeling like a failure.

 

[glong88]

Hugs honey xxx

I too never wanted to be that single mum but it happened after my first and now I'm happy with someone else and expecting number 2. We are here to support you xxx

 

[flipporama1]

You made the right choice. Don't look back! Your children deserve better They will be far better off with a happy Mom. Good luck hun!

 

[darkriver]

Hugs hun. Sometimes you have to make hard choices for your kids and your self. Its scary and overwhelming but leaving my ex husband is the best thing I have ever done.

 

[cnote]

You did the right thing, and you're the opposite of a failure. Failing is giving up on trying to make things better, which is perhaps what you would have done by staying in a toxic and abusive relationship. Break ups are hard, and even more so when we can't understand why someone wouldn't get their s**t together, or at least try. Don't overthink it right now, just keep moving forward, one foot after the next. It'll work out for the better.

 

[SleepyBaby]

Your not a failure! not even a little bit, to fail would be to see a problem and not react to it, avoid it or pretent it isnt there!

Im now single, #3 on the way, #1 has a different dad to #2 and #3 and if people want to judge me for it, well then so be it, im not going to lose sleep because someone i dont or barely know think ive gone about life the wrong way!

If my kids are happy then so am i !

You have been very brave tbh, leaving someone you love is as hard as it gets emotionally, esp while pregnant and here you are owning your issues and dealing with them! hold your head high!

Ive decided i dont need a man, at all, im happier just being me, getting the kids sorted my way, raising them my way, not having to argue over parenting styles makes being a mom so much easier!

Take time to be you, refind yourself and who you have become and it will get easier!
Hope your ok x

 

[tinymumma]

Thank to all so much xxx I had a rough night last night. He's had a life, suffered through things since he was born, that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. After all he's been through, he could have turned out a lot worse but at the end of the day, I can't keep making and giving him the excuses for his behaviour. He expect a every one else to fix him, when that's impossible. Regardless of what he thinks, I've done my best to support him, love and care for him and it was never enough. I've pushed myself down so far, just to build him up and its not fair. In the general day to day life (money, housekeeping, social life etc), I know it will be much easier than it was being with him. I can't let my heart overrule my head, especailly when it comes to my children's lives. I pray that one day, we can be together again but at the moment, I don't think that will ever happen. I've left once before and I went back too quickly. All the promises and changes ceased to exist once I got back. He is such an amazing man and could do so well for himself but he's so wrapped up in his past and own head that the reality he sees is polar opposite to what's really going on. I'm heartbroken but I know, this needs to happen. I just want to be happy. I want him to be happy as well but I couldn't do that. I need to focus on myself and my children, which if I'm honest, I haven't done for a long time. I can't be responsible for his actions anymore. I'm terrified he will kill himself when he realises I'm serious this time but I can't think about that right now. One foot in front of the other.
Thank you all again xxx It means a lot that I have support other than my mother and best friend xx

 

[Rymel12]

Stay strong, you made a really tough, but good decision for your family. Im a therapist who works with abused women (and men) for my job and I know how hard the decision to leave can be. And with a baby on the way, it really complicates things and there's a chance that with the birth of another child the abuse could have gotten worse even than it already has been. So leaving now while pregnant was a good move for you and your kids. A lot of men like yours had hard lives and don't know how to love properly as they had bad examples of it. You definitely don't want to expose your kids to this to continue the cycle in their adult lives. It's not too late to turn it around. If you ever need support, you can always private message me. Hang in there! You're definitey not a failure!

 

[Tryingagain3]

I was with my ex for 11 years. And he was awful to me most of the time. He's great with his kids but our relationship was awful really. I was totally miserable. Leaving him was the hardest thing I ever did I was so scared.. but my kids and me are a million times happier now!!! I'm now been with the absolute love of my life for nearly 4 years and we have an almost perfect relationship. Things may seem hard now love and your feeling like you've failed but you haven't. In fact you your a very strong woman and a great mum for doing what you know is right even though its hard. In the end you will be so much happier your only 20 you have your whole life ahead of you and you deserve a man that is going to treat you how you deserve!! You will love again and you will be happier! Good luck!! X

 

[Faffalina]

Please don't worry about what other people think. You have this one chance at life and you have to make decisions that are right for you. Parenting is easier when you aren't constantly trying to repair a broken relationship, or fuming with anger over his latest selfishness!

I left the father of my first child and have not looked back. I was happy alone (and now with somebody else) and my daughter enjoys a good relationship with her dad.

Take care

 

[aj2124]

I think single mom are especially aware of the pressure that society places on them. But your age does not decide what kind of parent you will be. Be willing to learn from and take advice from other parents. Focus on the things you have influence over. The way people judge you is not one of those. I'll be praying for you and your child

 

[nicem815]

I finally did it, bit the bullet and left my husband. We have a two year old and I'm 19+2. Our relationship has been rocky (putting it mildly) for the very beginning. I made excuse for emotional/ mental and financial abuse because I know why he is the way he is. However 3 years on and nothing has changed. He refuses to get help, rarely goes to work. We are broke, drowning in debt. I'm not allowed to talk unless it's about him and how he's feeling. We have completely different parenting styles and I have just reached the point of no return. Love isn't enough anymore. I do love this man, with all of my heart but I love him. Not this narcissistic, selfish, immature and irresponsible person he has become. I've tried and tried and now I'm tired. So emotionally drained that I find it so hard to function most days.
As sad as I am, I know this is the right decision for my children. The hardest part though, I swore to myself it would never be like this. That I would never be like this. I am a young mum (20 years old) and now a single mum of two. I was proud of the fact that I was still with the fat he of my children and now I feel like I have failed. Just another idiot girl who had children young and will be judged accordingly. Even though I don't drink or do drugs, I haven't been out since my son was born (I don't even want to). I'm a good mum and nothing like the stigma but this felt like the one thing I could prove to the world that I'm not a failure and now it's happened... The thought of being with anyone else makes me want to vomit, I only want him but I just can't do it anymore. I can't live the rest of my stressing about money, about whether I'm being lied to, having my kids watch Daddy yell and scream and sometimes push mummy around. I know I've done the right thing and that I will get through this but I just can't shake feeling like a failure.

Hi sweetie--you are NOT A failure. You did the right thing by being a STRONG MOMMA and walking away from a situation that is unhealthy for you and your babies. Being a young mother is nothing to be ashamed of-you are taking care of your babies! Try not to worry about anyone judging you. Those people don't matter.

 

[arturia]

Hi Tiny, I'm sad for you and the final complete end of your marriage, but it will be ok. You'll recover. Your son and your new little one will be better for your leaving. You will put yourself back together, and have laughter and smiles again. You'll take control of the debt one way or another and you'll make a better life for your little family.

I know you can do it.