alone and depressed

[Rhio92]

Hi everyone, thought I'd come visit this board seeing as I'm a single Mum-to-be
I don't know what this will turn out like, I've just got loads of thoughts running through my head, so ignore if you need to
Basically, I got with FOB last September, and we were really really happy. Fell pregnant Feb/March time, and he promised he'd stick by me and the baby. I used to get texts all the time from him saying how much he loved his little family and wanted to marry me some day, and how much he was looking forward to the 3 of us being together. Which made me the happiest girl in the world.
But, at the end of Septemer he finished me I know the majority of teen relationships don't workout, but I (naively) thought we'd be part of the minority that do. I mean, I loved him so much, don't know what went wrong
Now, he's being a complete dick. He's told his Mum I'm not letting him be involved with the baby (when I've done nothing but encourage him to be), he won't buy anything for his son, leaving it to me when he works full time, and I'm a student with no income. I have to rely on my Mum, which I hate because it's not fair on her, she has enough money worries as it is now she's stopped receiving child benefit for me, she works full time on minimum wage, and is has me, my brother and now my unborn child to look after.
Yet, after all this, FOB insists he will be at the birth. And that the baby will have his surname, his dad's name as his middle name, and he will agree to a first name (I know names aren't the most important thing, but you know...) Just don't know what to do.... Then he say's he probably won't have anything to do with the baby anyway, and won't pay anything towards him I told him I'd get CSA onto him, but don't know how that works. And he said he'd deny paternity How could I deal with that? I know for certain that he's the Dad (he's the only person I've EVER had with, let alone at the time of conception ) And I'm also pretty certain that he knows that too...
Eurghhhhh Just so stuck... Feel so depressed and alone... Can't believe after what we had, it's turned to this. I love him so much and miss him like crazy, I still cry every night even though it's been over a month, trying to stay strong for Baby, want to do the right thing for my son, none of this is his fault and I don't want him to suffer. Scared I'm slipping into a true depression (I've suffered in the past), feel so guilty about the pressure I'm putting on my Mum, even though she swears that it's ok, that she will always be there for me and Baby and she'd do anything for us. God, I love her, I'm lucky to have such a loving and caring family (that includes my Dad, step mum, rest of extended family and even my little brother

Sorry that went a bit long... Feeling better now though, writing all this shit down, with the rain hammering down and being cozy in bed. Plus I love the smilies
Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated Sorry, it's a bit Me! Me! Me! x

 

[teal]

Huge hugs

Don't feel pressured into giving the baby his surname. I hate that men assume the baby will have their name. My situation is different because I have no contact with my ex but I gave my son my surname and even if FOB had been around I still would have done that. Even if you put his name on the birth certificate your son can still have your name.

If he's going to deny paternity, not be around, not support your baby then he doesn't deserve the baby to have his surname!

I don't claim child support but I'm sure if he denies paternity he'll have to do a dna test so they'll get him in the end anyway - might just take a bit longer.

I'm not too sure about what benefits you'd be entitled to while living with your mum but I'm sure someone who knows will reply soon.

I know easier said than done but try not relax and take care of you.

The girls here are fab and you'll get a lot of support xx

 

[gemabee]

awwww hun big hugs... he sounds like an arse
it makes my blood boil how these men are happy to try nd make our journey through pregnancy nd into parenthood so much harder!
when it comes to csa / denyin parentage / etc... feel free to pm... i'm always happy to talk to someone if they need it
xx

 

[luckdragon]

awww chick, i had this exact same thing (except the father told me to get rid of my baby)
then when he went on about her name i just gave her mine anyway and didnt listen to him!!

You can go with the csa even if he isnt on the birth certificate!! i get £60 a week out of my ex

hope your ok, it is a bit lonely, but once your baby comes you will be sooooo busy and it's so rewarding doing it on your own your own way xxxxx

 

[angelkatelyn]

If ur 16or over u can get job seekers until 29weddks preg then income support. Asp for csa they will make him take a dna to prove it. If he refuses they take him 2 court and get it that way. Trust me he wont get out of it. You'll hav to forgive spelling mistakes im on my phone and half my screens broken. Hopeits readable x

 

[Rhio92]

Thanks for your advice everyone
Thinking now of just cutting all contact, changing my mobile number and not even bothering to tell him when the baby is born, but not sure if that's the right thing to do or not
Nice to know I'm not alone on here, really appreciate your responses xx

 

[xSophieBx]

Sounds abit like me.. I fell pregnant early on in the relationship, moved in with him etc and then at 7months pregnant after months of rows he told me he didnt love me anymore and he couldnt stand to look at me so I moved back home with my mum. He has tried getting back with me since then but too much stuff has gone on and I will NEVER trust him again for wot he done to me. U need to apply for income support when ur 27weeks I think it is.. thats only like £54 until the babies here and then it goes up to £65 a week and u can claim child tax credit too which I get £67 a week but its just gone down to £65 and then I think it goes down to £55 when the babies a year old.. & then child benefit which is £20 a week, & then u can still go thru csa just will take longer cos they'll have to get paternity test, but I wouldnt worry bout that right now cos when the babies here he might actually grow up and change his mind! My fob told me that he'd always support me and lily no matter wot.. well she got to 2months old and he still wasnt paying nething 4 her so Ive gone thru CSA now! I hate men... Ive got so much hatred towards fob.. I know this is gonna sound mean & I hate myself for even saying this but wen I fell pregnant I had a gut instinct that I didnt want the baby and he told me there was noway I was getting rid of the baby & then he went & treated me the way he did so I think thats y I hate him so dam much. But now Ive got my lily I would NEVER b without her.. I suffered with depression when I was pregnant, and then I had a traumatic birth and was stuck in hospital for a week, had continuous shit from fob and I couldn't do nething without crying so I went to the docs and got diagnosed with PND & put on tablets & I feel like my old self now its amazing. So If u ever feel depressed again(once the babies here) get urself to the doctors straight away cos if they catch it early its alot easier. Feel free to pm me if u want someone to talk to I know how u feel. Stay strong for the baby thou cos once u hold him in ur arms nothing else will matter xxxx

 

[Novbaby08]

If I were you I'd give the baby your last name, and leave him off the bc. Name it what YOU want. If he isn't there his opinion isn't needed. This is YOUR son not his. And if he isn't going to have anything to do with the baby then who cares what he thinks. I know you love him, and I've been in your place, except much earlier in my pregnancy. But I have I was sure I was going to marry my ex, he was the sweetest guy even when I told him I might be pregnant, within a week after getting a positive test he left me. But really you can do it, it seems bad now but it will get better. And I'm sure your probably stressed with all his bullshit. But like I said it get better. I spent my pregnancy bitter as hell. On a complete war path over my ex and the way him and his family treated me. But in the end when I finally had my baby I realized who cares what he thinks anyways hes the one missing out not me. Hes walking away empty handed he lost.
My daughter is almost 2 he hasn't seen her since she was 13 months old. And I couldnt be happier with how things are, he doesnt call, write nothing.
But before I did care.
Don't worry its also partially hormones as well. And he was your first, but there are programs and such that can help you with financial stuff. And let him deny paternity all he wants, most guys do, doesnt mean he'll go on not paying im sure theres some way a paternity test can be ordered.

 

[luckdragon]

god i hate men!! hugs to all. Mwah xxxxxxxxx

 

[Lovemyfamilyx]

Rhi, i think i know you... did you go to Aldercar sch?? Msg me if you can

 

[Rhio92]

Rhi, i think i know you... did you go to Aldercar sch?? Msg me if you can

It won't let me PM you But, yeah, I was at Aldercar Finished y11 in 2009. Were you there? xx