Alone and feeling really down

[DragoPanda]

I have been living and working in a foreign country for over 2 years and I am completely alone. I have a crappy useless bf and he is probably not even taking this relationship seriously because that's how it feels to me! I came home and just cried until I could barely breathe. I felt like my whole has fallen apart, I have no friends here anymore. I have kept my pregnancy a secret from the expat community here so I can't even really have proper conversations anymore. It is really hard to explain why I am doing nothing every weekend and why I am leaving suddenly midway through a work contract, etc. I hate keeping it secret but at the same time I feel like it's too special to share with just anyone! People would also ask questions that I really don't know how to answer without making myself look bad. Today I just thought WHAT the heck is going on with my life? It's falling apart! I know logically that is not exactly true, but things are just going in a direction that ... Oh! I just don't know

 

[Kacie]

Oh hun,

Is there a way that you can get back to friends and family so you are not alone throughout the pregnancy? That feeling of being alone can be so hard.. especially when you want to share your precious bump and not hide it. Lots of love and hugs, I hope things work out for you very soon.

We are always here

xxx

 

[DragoPanda]

thank you, i am heading home in about 10 weeks and I cannot wait to get out of here. It's like work and everything are obstacles i have to overcome to get home. then i can be comfortable and eat "real" food and take a real shower or a bath (all of which I am deprived of here). i don't have many friends back home but at least the ones i do i will be able to see. plus i will be able to start preparing my baby's things which will be super exciting ^^

 

[purpledahlia]

Sorry your feeling down. Why cant you tell people your pregnant?

Did you mean to post this in single parents? Might get more appropriate replies in the pregnancy section.

 

[DragoPanda]

hi, yes I did mean to post in single parents because a big part of why i am depressed is because i am not married and basically doing this by myself.
I don't tell people because my parents asked me not to post things on Facebook until they have had time to get used to the idea and tell people back home. That was the main reason. I have to speak to my mom again about that cos i dont think i should keep it a secret anymore, its a bit ridiculous.

 

[whoops]

Hey love - I was in a very similar situation. Moved home when I was 10 weeks pregnant so that I could get a job. Kept the reason why secret for absolutely ages - only told my extended family when I was 16 weeks gone, and didn't 'announce' it on Facebook til after my 20 week scan.

It's horrible while you're keeping it a secret - even now I feel uncomfortable about being too brazen about my pregnancy. What I found lovely though is that once I shared the news, everybody around me got so excited about the baby.

Once I started showing, I found it weird as well. I got so used to my pregnancy being something kind of private and secret that the fact that everybody could see by looking at me took some getting used to.

It's a tough time, but it's also amazing.

 

[emilio.oh.oh]

I really feel for you. It's such a hard situation to deal with nevermind not being able to talk about it to anyone and being away from home. Definately speak to your mum and tell her you need to start sharing the news. When you do, people will be so happy for you and so supportive it will take your mind off all the other things going on.
10 weeks probably feels like a lifetime away right now, but it will fly by. Just keep yourself busy and start talking about it to people. Remember there's a lot of people going through difficult situations here and we've all got each others back. Also remember, THIS IS A GREAT THING! You're going to have a baby!! They're a blessing! Be happy! And start thinking about the end result. It will be ok. xxx

 

[DragoPanda]

thanks so much for your replies. i have told one more expat so far lol. i am starting to think about making a little nursery back home and what colors to paint my wall and things like that - it makes me feel better ^^
I am handing in my resignation letter at work today. next week school closes and then i teach winter school for 3 weeks. Then school opens for one week (but I don't have ti be here cos im using my paid vacation) and its Spring break and I fly out of here! Very very soon I will be done with this job and my feelings about leaving have improved. At this moment I don't care as much about the bf since this past weekend as he just blatantly lied to me about something which was the last straw for me. I know my baby will bring me more joy than I can imagine because even now he is able to make me feel such incredible feelings of love that make me want to shout it out to the world!
As for people seeing my bump as it grows, that is weird for me too but what the heck, I'm pregnant! lol I think I should just walk around proudly like Mother Hen lol. I just hope I can stay optimistic but I pray all the time and I think it helps me ^^