Alone and pregnant...

[Lilyjaden]

Since the day I found out I was pregnant its been very hard. Especially with the father of my child. I'm now 6 months pregnant dealing with all the changes that's going on with me and the stress of what's going to happen after my baby is born. The father has decided not to be around for me but will for the baby. Throughout our whole relationship he be littled me, calls me names and says our problems are all my fault. His anger has been an issue since day one. When I was about 3 months pregnant he said I was annoying and did not want to be with me anymore. For the sake of the child I begged him to change his mind which he did. We were okay and he acted as if the argument never happened. He told me numerous times how much he loves me and how he even wanted to get married. How he was just angry when he said all the things he had said and that it was my fault because I was annoying. Up until about a month a ago he stopped being around, would go out all weekend and hardly contact me while he was out. *We fought on and off about this. I did not say he can't go out at all. I understand that I'm not such an exciting person when I'm pregnant but is it to much to ask for to message me while he is out. I'm the one at home being pregnant while he's out doing what he wants and not once did I complain about it. He then ask for a "break" because he cannot deal with me anymore. He says I'm annoying and constantly complaining. Is it to much to ask for for his love and support ? A week passes and he messages me one day about having his clothes ready because he was gunna pick them up. I washed them, folded them and had them ready when he came. Today he came here because i asked him to so we can talk, he yelled and cursed at me because some of his clothes were missing and apparently it's my responsibility to take care of his clothes when he stayed at my house.*
He also says I do nothing for him but when his mother kicked him out I offered him to stay with my family and I. When he asks for something I got it for him, when his back or feet hurt I had to massage them or I wouldn't hear the end of it. If I didn't want to have sex or perform a sexual favor for him. He would pout *and sit there upset.*
Well today we were talking in his car and he starts to raise his voice and I was crying, refusing to get out of the car until he agreed to work on us. We talked for about an hour. During that time he demanded I get out of the car or he would throw me out. Finally he drove off. He said "f*** you walk back home from (the place he was staying at not his own place )." a block away from my house I begged him to please calm down and talk to me. He stopped the car again and tried to throw me out. Again he came in the car and put it in drive and I put it in park. He held up his fist as if he was gunna punch me and said not to touch his car again. He drove and that's when I finally gave up and told him to stop the car and he pushed me out while he were on the road.*
What infuriates me is that no one tells him he is wrong about anything. Apparently I'm the one who needs helps because I'm selfish for wanting him around all the time during my pregnancy, which I did not. Just to be supportive, *love me and treat me right. Since we found out he claims his life is going to change not mine and he's going to have all the responsibility. I'm the one carrying the child, I'm the one who is going to go to school to pursue what I want to do in life, and I'm the one who has to start preparing for her alone. He has told me today that he has to many bills to pay and is running low on money. I've spoken to my doctor and she has said it is both physical and emotional abuse. I still have hope that he will change one day and realize what he is doing. Has anyone gone through this at all? Or just has an opinion. I've never been so confused and hurt in my life. With all his anger and the physical stuff I've endured I'm worried for my child and I. He's been on medication for his anger And depression but stopped taking it. He told me he does not care about me and does not want to be with me until I change myself. I'm sorry if I'm all over the place with this. I'm very upset and haven't thought straight in months. I'm just looking forward to starting classes this fall and preparing for my daughter. I feel as if now her and I aren't important enough for him to be around. People keep telling me constantly if he can't *deal with me being hormonal and pregnant that's he's a child and *he will change and grow up sooner or later but I feel like he won't and I'm dealing with the constant struggle of wanting to work this out or just giving up completely.*

 

[emeraldbaby]

He is an abuser. It's a hard truth to swallow when you love them, I know. Abusers frequently get worse when their partners get pregnant. I know you want the fairytale family for your little one, but she is better off with out him , and better off with a mummy who feels safe and is free from such stress. Being around such a influence (BD)) will affect your daughter emotionally, mentally and likely physically. SHE has a right to be safe.

I am also 6 months pregnant. I have left my abusive husband. And while I am very sad my child won't have a 'normal' family, I could not let him live through what I've had to. He will have a calm, happy life oblivious to adult issues. There is no use wishing that BD is different, he won't change, everything he does is justified and it's everybody elses fault.

I feel for you, and some days you will feel lonelier than others, but when your LO arrives you will know that keeping her and yourself safe has been well worth it.
You are strong!
All the best x

 

[Lilyjaden]

He is an abuser. It's a hard truth to swallow when you love them, I know. Abusers frequently get worse when their partners get pregnant. I know you want the fairytale family for your little one, but she is better off with out him , and better off with a mummy who feels safe and is free from such stress. Being around such a influence (BD)) will affect your daughter emotionally, mentally and likely physically. SHE has a right to be safe.

I am also 6 months pregnant. I have left my abusive husband. And while I am very sad my child won't have a 'normal' family, I could not let him live through what I've had to. He will have a calm, happy life oblivious to adult issues. There is no use wishing that BD is different, he won't change, everything he does is justified and it's everybody elses fault.

I feel for you, and some days you will feel lonelier than others, but when your LO arrives you will know that keeping her and yourself safe has been well worth it.
You are strong!
All the best x

Thank you so much for replying. I am I'm okay when he doesn't contact me. It's just hard to believe someone could act cruel when you're pregnancy with their child.

 

[emeraldbaby]

No problem. I understand how it is. I was in denial for so long, and sometimes I still catch myself trying to find some goodness in my BD that isn't there. I was brainwashed and trapped by fear, but now I'm away from the situation things are so much clearer. Since leaving I receive abusive calls and messages from him and he says things that are appalling, it just confirms to me I made the right decision to leave. It hurts to realise my husband never loved me, but abusers don't know how to love... they can't look past themselves. I am seeing a counsellor to help me recover, I recommend you do the same. Our babies deserve the best from us. By leaving these men we have shown our children that their welfare is number 1.
x

 

[Mummy1995]

It'll be okay

 

[resursval]

Since the day I found out I was pregnant its been very hard. Especially with the father of my child. I'm now 6 months pregnant dealing with all the changes that's going on with me and the stress of what's going to happen after my baby is born. The father has decided not to be around for me but will for the baby. Throughout our whole relationship he be littled me, calls me names and says our problems are all my fault. His anger has been an issue since day one. When I was about 3 months pregnant he said I was annoying and did not want to be with me anymore. For the sake of the child I begged him to change his mind which he did. We were okay and he acted as if the argument never happened. He told me numerous times how much he loves me and how he even wanted to get married. How he was just angry when he said all the things he had said and that it was my fault because I was annoying. Up until about a month a ago he stopped being around, would go out all weekend and hardly contact me while he was out. *We fought on and off about this. I did not say he can't go out at all. I understand that I'm not such an exciting person when I'm pregnant but is it to much to ask for to message me while he is out. I'm the one at home being pregnant while he's out doing what he wants and not once did I complain about it. He then ask for a "break" because he cannot deal with me anymore. He says I'm annoying and constantly complaining. Is it to much to ask for for his love and support ? A week passes and he messages me one day about having his clothes ready because he was gunna pick them up. I washed them, folded them and had them ready when he came. Today he came here because i asked him to so we can talk, he yelled and cursed at me because some of his clothes were missing and apparently it's my responsibility to take care of his clothes when he stayed at my house.*
He also says I do nothing for him but when his mother kicked him out I offered him to stay with my family and I. When he asks for something I got it for him, when his back or feet hurt I had to massage them or I wouldn't hear the end of it. If I didn't want to have sex or perform a sexual favor for him. He would pout *and sit there upset.*
Well today we were talking in his car and he starts to raise his voice and I was crying, refusing to get out of the car until he agreed to work on us. We talked for about an hour. During that time he demanded I get out of the car or he would throw me out. Finally he drove off. He said "f*** you walk back home from (the place he was staying at not his own place )." a block away from my house I begged him to please calm down and talk to me. He stopped the car again and tried to throw me out. Again he came in the car and put it in drive and I put it in park. He held up his fist as if he was gunna punch me and said not to touch his car again. He drove and that's when I finally gave up and told him to stop the car and he pushed me out while he were on the road.*
What infuriates me is that no one tells him he is wrong about anything. Apparently I'm the one who needs helps because I'm selfish for wanting him around all the time during my pregnancy, which I did not. Just to be supportive, *love me and treat me right. Since we found out he claims his life is going to change not mine and he's going to have all the responsibility. I'm the one carrying the child, I'm the one who is going to go to school to pursue what I want to do in life, and I'm the one who has to start preparing for her alone. He has told me today that he has to many bills to pay and is running low on money. I've spoken to my doctor and she has said it is both physical and emotional abuse. I still have hope that he will change one day and realize what he is doing. Has anyone gone through this at all? Or just has an opinion. I've never been so confused and hurt in my life. With all his anger and the physical stuff I've endured I'm worried for my child and I. He's been on medication for his anger And depression but stopped taking it. He told me he does not care about me and does not want to be with me until I change myself. I'm sorry if I'm all over the place with this. I'm very upset and haven't thought straight in months. I'm just looking forward to starting classes this fall and preparing for my daughter. I feel as if now her and I aren't important enough for him to be around. People keep telling me constantly if he can't *deal with me being hormonal and pregnant that's he's a child and *he will change and grow up sooner or later but I feel like he won't and I'm dealing with the constant struggle of wanting to work this out or just giving up completely.*

My FOB is no saint. He more or less asked me to chose between him and my daughter and I chose, obviously, my daughter. Then I could have both but I realized it was to a price of my personality and that I didn't want my gem around such a person so I let him go. Best decision ever.