Already grieving, am I normal?

[AlwaysPraying]

I've posted my story if you want to search for it, please go ahead. I've noticed that I'm already grieving my baby, but I'm still pregnant with a live fetus. Baby is suffering from a rare sickness. Strangely they say baby will go to term, but may not live much past that. There's so much waiting they have to do to find out anything more. I feel like I'm carrying this ill baby that shouldn't be. And I feel so guilty for feeling like that. I just wish that the baby were healthy, I hate to say, but I wish I were never pregnant. I guess I'm trying to protect myself with all this. The longer it goes on the more attached I become. I am already resenting feeling pregnant, I hate that I have bad feelings towards my baby. I love her immensely, but it's just causing so much tragedy, it's heartbreaking. One moment I feel like she's already gone, the next I want to stick it out to the bitter end in hopes that something could be done.

I really just don't know if what I'm feeling is normal or not. Not to mention what's happening is extremely rare and the drs seem to be having a hard time figuring it all out too. Why couldn't it just be a normal average sad problem?

 

[CarCam]

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I cannot relate directly, but please know that your feelings are normal.

 

[babytots]

hi hun i wasn't in the same situation but found out 4 days before i gave birth to jessica she had passed away and from the moment i found out i started griefing so yes i would say its normal hunni.

its only normal you wanting to protect yourself sweetheart you've been given some terrible news and are having to make the hardest desicion of your life its going to be hard and your going to go through so many emotions while you deal with it.

coming your way hunni. i really wish there was more i could do to help. x

 

[superp123]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. It is a very uncertain situation and I cannot imagine what it's like for you at this time. I'm know there's not a lot to be said that will make you feel better, but I wanted to let you know that I'll be thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers. We're all here to listen if you need. Sending loads of
P

 

[bklove]

I'm sorry you have to deal with this as well. I think it is normal to have such mixed feelings as you want to be attached, and you can't help it as its growing inside you, but at the same time you don't want to be because of the possibilities of what is to come. I can only encourage you to keep talking, writing, and really getting out your feelings good and bad, however you feel safe, and just dealing with things one day at a time. My thoughts and prayers are with you for the best resolution.

 

[AlwaysPraying]

Thanks everyone. Your words are all very encouraging. Its just hard going through something that's so foreign. I'm always scared to deal with things in the wrong way and end up hurting myself more. One moment I'm grieving my babies passing the next I'm hoping for a miracle. It was weird all last week I was hoping God would intervene and I'd have a miscarriage. I even said that I hoped my procedure tomorrow would kick start one. (please don't judge me for such awful feelings). But then when I think about going in tomorrow I just feel like I did this whole pregnancy, that I hoped to heck that I don't start bleeding. It's just so weird. I guess I'm worried that I'm going to end up waiting so long and carrying this baby so long and it will only end up in worse heartbreak then anyways.

 

[Shelby2007]

Sweetie you are just preparing yourself for the worst.. and there isnt anything wrong with that.. I cant imagine what you are going through.. it must be soo hard

I had a mmc.. and cant imagine giving birth to a sleeping angel.. so I understand where you are coming from.. I hope things start looking up for you??

What is the rare sickness.. what can the doctors do for you and the baby?? Just curiuos.. you dont have to answer..

 

[bklove]

Thanks for being so honest and open, and I don't think any of us judge you, I know I don't, you're in a tough position and I get that. Whats the proceedure about you're having done? And all things work together for good, even if it doesn't seem that way to us at the time. and more .

 

[nervouspains]

Hi AlwaysPraying,

I hope you got my email on hotmail xx

 

[soulsister]

Sweetie

I just wanted to say that we had to "interrupt" a pregnancy at 23 weeks last year as our baby was diagnosed with an extremely rare and fatal syndrome that would not have seen him go to term. He was basically considered incompatible with life. It was an impossible decision, and not one that was made easily, but it was made with love.

We found out something was wrong at 20 weeks and I too wished that I could just have him leave me by way of a miscarriage, but that wasnt the case.

I dont think its wrong for you to be greiving already, you are not grieving for the little one inside you at the mo, but you are grieving fo what should have been , i,e, a healthy little bean. This is very common.

Anway, I wont drag on to long, but please be sure that whatever happens, and whatever the outcome, its ok to grieve. You will grieve now, and later, but you will be ok.

I wish you so much strength and peace at this difficult time.

Lauraxxx

 

[AlwaysPraying]

Thank you all. That's a good way to think about my grieving, that I'm grieving all the "what could have beens, and should have beens". I'm so sad that my baby is suffering, that we are suffering. It sounds like a similar story, they said today that this is (right now) possibly a "not compatable with life" rarity as well. They are calling it a lethal abnormality as it stands.