Am I being harsh???

[suzanne108]

FOB text this morning just generally asking how I was. So I replied that I was fine blah blah...just the usual.

Anyway, he then said that he was "proud of me" for being so good about this and that I was coping well. This is the second time he's said this, first time it really riled me but I ignored it. So this time was the second time and I decided if its gonna be a regular thing for him to say then maybe I should mention that I don't appreciate it. It really annoys me - and I'm off work with high blood pressure lol, don't need him making it any higher!!!!

So I text "Can you please stop saying you're proud of me"

He said "I'm saying it because you said it would be difficult since you can't take your tablets" (he's referring to anti depressants which I was on before I found out I was pregnant).

I replied "I know you're only trying to be nice but the hardest thing I have had to deal with is the crap from you and your mum. So I'm sure you understand why I get annoyed when you say you are 'proud' of me."

He replied saying he understood.

Anyway when I told my mum she called me heartless lol, she was laughing as she said it. She's totally on my side and thinks he's been an idiot, but she can see that he's now trying to make an effort. He is making a teensy tiny effort but when he says things like that it makes me mad. What exactly does he have to be proud of???!!!!!

Do you think I'm being harsh???

 

[asacia]

I can understand why you feel that way, but I can understand that he isn't saying it to be cruel. Hopefully he'll not say things like that again, but if he does, just remind him calmly that it doesn't help how you feel.

 

[lou_w34]

No you wernt being harsh, if it upsets you when he says it, then its only fair that you explain why it upsets you, and ask him to stop. If he took it well, then maybe its showing he really is willing to make an effort.

I dont think he was saying it to be nasty, you no what men are like, they can never say anything right heehee

 

[suzanne108]

Thanks. I think I said it in the nicest way I possibly could at the time (it sounded nice-ish in my head!)

I can totally see that he's trying to make the effort and he probably doesn't really know what to say to me.

I should maybe just have ignored his comment and forgot about it but I thought if he keeps saying it I'm gonna blow lol!!

 

[lou_w34]

Its better to get it out in the open, then to one day blow up at him, and him having no idea what he did wrong, that way he knows not to do it again

 

[teal]

I don't think you were being harsh. I think it's better that you told him you didn't appreciate it so he knows not to say it! xx

 

[purpledahlia]

yeah i dont think it was harsh, better he knows it annoys you so he can stop saying it! x

 

[tinkabells]

Yeah my FOB kept saying to me he was proud of me for being a single mum and that i will be a brilliant mum extra, i told him for go fourth and mulitply, but then again his doing that all over our area and i used a lovely c word that i would always call him, when he got on my tits, so i no where ya coming from and told him to ya no xxx

 

[xxannxx]

I don't think you sounded harsh at all. If he was trying to make effort and be nice, then good, but your right to say if something he says upsets you. Also, my twisted mind would wonder, if maybe he keeps bringing up your anti-depressants knowing it upsets you??? Hopefully, i'm wrong though, and he's realised he's been in the wrong.

 

[suzanne108]

To be honest I don't think he's clever enough to bring up the ADs to upset me!

Its just strange cos I hate the fact he's popped up all of a sudden expecting me to be all nicey nice....nothing he says will ever be right. Although I will probably have to keep my mouth shut once bubs is here! xx

 

[vac_uk]

Nah ur not being harsh, he has no right bringing up the subject of you'tablets' as hopefully you'llnot need them again after being off them so long- and hes hardly proud of u for that since he doesnt particuarly show much concern for u in other areas... ur not being harsh - being harsh woudl be not sending him a reply-at least u replied xx