HopefulCookie
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- Jul 30, 2012
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Some background as to why I'm ranting: I've told everyone I know I want to be team yellow but couldn't help myself and found out and wanted to keep it my own little secret and make it a surprise for the family since its the first gandchild in my own family.
Who I shared my so called secret with:
A close friend of mine who is pregnant along with me and we're sharing our experiences. She knows no one in my circle so I don't have to worry about her spreading my so called secret.
My parents - My mother desperately wanted to know so she constantly pestered me to tell her once I found out. Honestly I didn't want to tell my mother, she keeps wanting me to have sons While I want/prefer daughters. I threatened her that if she spilled the beans that I'd become a big pain in the tush for her. I wasn't keen on telling my dad since he tends to spill it but surprisingly he's kept mum about it. Also he was suffering from oral cancer (never smoked a day in his life) and I feared I'd regret not telling him. Thankfully he's being treated and is doing much better.
Who I didn't want to tell:
My mother in law - she tends to spill the beans and she did. She told her kids what we're having. I didn't want to tell her but DH made me tell her, because my parents knew so then his mother HAD to know. She also kept pestering us to tell her.
My siblings and their wives - My brothers who are older than me told not to have kids until I was settled and had a career. Neither brother has a kid of their own for their own reasons and I never tell them why they don't have kids or why they want them if and when they do. Its their business not mine.
My brother-in-law and sister-in-law. BIL told my husband the same reason not to start a family as my brothers. SIL told me the same thing that I should be my husband's support and work to support him even though she herself had kids right away after marriage and while her DH was unemployed and she was 19. Also both BIL and SIL did not go around announcing what they were having or even if they were even having a kid at all. They were hush hush about their stuff.
These guys all made sure to tell me not to have kids yet and somehow now they deserve to know everything about this child and have a say how this child is raised.
Now the part that hurts me most. My husband didn't want to know since he can't keep things to himself, then when he found I knew. He pestered me to tell him, so I did and asked him to keep it to himself since I wanted it to be a surprise. Today he blurts what we're having in front of my brother and his wife and then tried covering up but was unsuccessful. YET when his brother was going to have a kid, HE knew, HE also knew that it was going to be a boy and not once did he tell me this because he was told by his brother not to pass this info on. His brother lives in another country soooo no way was I going to find out unless my DH told me which he did not. I found out about the news when baby was born. How nice. DH makes me tell his mother who then tells the rest of the inlaws and then tells me its not a big deal because their family and says I should just go ahead and tell my siblings because now his siblings know. WTF? If I had wanted to tell them I would have done so myself and would have done that long ago but I didnt want to hence making him swear he'd keep his mouth shut. I feel I can't trust him with something so basic. I feel hurt. Am I being irrational? This was supposed to be something for us to surprise them with.
Gosh can't anything be a surprise/special/secret/our own to keep? Both DH and I are the youngest in our families and always told what to do and how to do it. Its unfair we have to tell them everything and follow what they think is right.
Who I shared my so called secret with:
A close friend of mine who is pregnant along with me and we're sharing our experiences. She knows no one in my circle so I don't have to worry about her spreading my so called secret.
My parents - My mother desperately wanted to know so she constantly pestered me to tell her once I found out. Honestly I didn't want to tell my mother, she keeps wanting me to have sons While I want/prefer daughters. I threatened her that if she spilled the beans that I'd become a big pain in the tush for her. I wasn't keen on telling my dad since he tends to spill it but surprisingly he's kept mum about it. Also he was suffering from oral cancer (never smoked a day in his life) and I feared I'd regret not telling him. Thankfully he's being treated and is doing much better.
Who I didn't want to tell:
My mother in law - she tends to spill the beans and she did. She told her kids what we're having. I didn't want to tell her but DH made me tell her, because my parents knew so then his mother HAD to know. She also kept pestering us to tell her.
My siblings and their wives - My brothers who are older than me told not to have kids until I was settled and had a career. Neither brother has a kid of their own for their own reasons and I never tell them why they don't have kids or why they want them if and when they do. Its their business not mine.
My brother-in-law and sister-in-law. BIL told my husband the same reason not to start a family as my brothers. SIL told me the same thing that I should be my husband's support and work to support him even though she herself had kids right away after marriage and while her DH was unemployed and she was 19. Also both BIL and SIL did not go around announcing what they were having or even if they were even having a kid at all. They were hush hush about their stuff.
These guys all made sure to tell me not to have kids yet and somehow now they deserve to know everything about this child and have a say how this child is raised.
Now the part that hurts me most. My husband didn't want to know since he can't keep things to himself, then when he found I knew. He pestered me to tell him, so I did and asked him to keep it to himself since I wanted it to be a surprise. Today he blurts what we're having in front of my brother and his wife and then tried covering up but was unsuccessful. YET when his brother was going to have a kid, HE knew, HE also knew that it was going to be a boy and not once did he tell me this because he was told by his brother not to pass this info on. His brother lives in another country soooo no way was I going to find out unless my DH told me which he did not. I found out about the news when baby was born. How nice. DH makes me tell his mother who then tells the rest of the inlaws and then tells me its not a big deal because their family and says I should just go ahead and tell my siblings because now his siblings know. WTF? If I had wanted to tell them I would have done so myself and would have done that long ago but I didnt want to hence making him swear he'd keep his mouth shut. I feel I can't trust him with something so basic. I feel hurt. Am I being irrational? This was supposed to be something for us to surprise them with.
Gosh can't anything be a surprise/special/secret/our own to keep? Both DH and I are the youngest in our families and always told what to do and how to do it. Its unfair we have to tell them everything and follow what they think is right.
if you had found but kept it to yourself no one else would be none the wiser. But people shouldn't be pressuring you to tell them it's up to you when you tell. 
xx
