Am I being unreasonable? :/

[fuffyburra]

Well it's our anniversary on Wednesday and Samuel just took overtime for that night, even though he knows I'm working the day and I can't get out of it, and I also REALLY need the money for rent, driving test, etc.

His argument is it's £200 a shift for overtime and it doesn't come around very often. Fair enough. But the money he earns he's putting towards a lads holiday in March, even though he just had one in January, and when I asked if we could have a holiday this year he told me we couldn't afford it, and while we're at it we can't afford to do anything for our anniversary either.

I was so angry I just got out of the car and walked off cos I thought I might actually punch him til he cried. So now I feel like poop He went out with some friends last night after work as well, so he was cream crackered for the whole of the one day I get to see him in nearly a week (because of work), and as he's working a night on Wednesday he's gonna sleep in til about 2 or 3 on Thursday, then be sleepy and grouchy the rest of the time he's up. Brilliant.

Am I beng a bit harsh? I guess I feel unappreciated, and maybe I'm just mad and need some time to calm down and see things clearly, but to me it seems completely unfair!

Sorry to rant girls, I'm just livid right now!! Needed to talk to someone as my mum thinks I'm being unreasonable, but she thinks Samuel's perfect lol. xx

 

[Deeper Blue]

May be worth while telling him why your pissed? I know men can be really dim sometimes when it comes to other peoples feelings so let him know you think he's being unfair and try and come to a compromise? Get him to make you a slap up meal next time he's off and just celebrate your anniversary a little later?

 

[fuffyburra]

We talked about it at his house, and I'd accepted that he was working and everything, but in the car I asked if we could go on holiday sometime and he said no, and then I asked if we could do something for our anniversary and he said no we can't afford it. So he does know why I'm mad GRRRR.

 

[fuffyburra]

I decided not to talk to him too much about it at the time in case I got too angry at him and made it worse. I'll try and compromise later when I've calmed down!

 

[Deeper Blue]

Seems a bit rubbish that he's saving for nights out and not holidays for the two of you How about you save up on your own so you can go on a girlie holiday with friends? Maybe if you say you'll go without him if doesn't want to come he'll change his tune

 

[Elli21]

I can understand why your upset, you're not getting to see him on your anniversary
But hun, (i hope this comes out right) you have the rest of your lives to tell eachother you love one another.

Maybe hes really hoping to put the money towards spoiling you and he wants it to be a surprise??

 

[plutosblue]

The best thing you can do is talk to him when you have calmed down, explain why your mad. Men (as deeper blue has said) can be a little dim

If he respects you he will put your feelings into concideration, but I think once men get a bee in their bonnet about doing something they will do it regardless

Maybe he is planning a surprise for you and that is why he is being so harsh? Or maybe you can discuss saving so you can go away together.

 

[fuffyburra]

Maybe he is planning a surprise for you and that is why he is being so harsh?

He does do that quite a lot, he did it for our holiday in December. He even had work lie to me and put fake shifts on the rotas so I wouldn't guess lol. But then I don't want to assume that's what's happening because I'll only end up uset again if I get my hopes up and it doesn't happen If you know what I mean?
However, at the same time I can't believe he'd do anything that would hurt me without explaining it and being more understanding. It's just not like him to be mean about anything :/ So I'm confused! I think he's just always so good to me that when he does do something even remotely mean it shocks me more than it should! lol
I've calmed down a bit now, but he's left his phone at home so I can't ring him lol xx

 

[plutosblue]

He does do that quite a lot, he did it for our holiday in December. He even had work lie to me and put fake shifts on the rotas so I wouldn't guess lol. But then I don't want to assume that's what's happening because I'll only end up uset again if I get my hopes up and it doesn't happen If you know what I mean?
However, at the same time I can't believe he'd do anything that would hurt me without explaining it and being more understanding. It's just not like him to be mean about anything :/ So I'm confused! I think he's just always so good to me that when he does do something even remotely mean it shocks me more than it should! lol
I've calmed down a bit now, but he's left his phone at home so I can't ring him lol xx

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww that is so sweet

I wish my OH was that inventive, all his surprises I figure out!!!

 

[fuffyburra]

Haha I'd already guessed at Frankfurt, but then I thought nooooooooooo way would he be able to get time off work for me, it's IMPOSSIBLE to get time off around Christmas! I couldn't believe he'd managed it lol
I'm really good at guessing surprises, and he's not usually very good at lying haha, which I really hate because it kinda takes the joy out of it if I know what's coming Ah well, the thought's there ^_^

 

[calm]

I don't think that acceptable at all. You are not being harsh in the slightest. For him to be able to afford holidays with mates and not with you, that's just awful ditto the anniversary thing. I don't get your mum either. I would certainly put him straight, you are worth a lot more than that X

 

[fuffyburra]

Haha thanks Calm, I thought that as well! He did take me on two holidays last year, but it's not really the point. To be able to afford to go out last night, but not take me anywhere for our anniversary doesn't seem quite right :S Words shall be had tomorrow!

 

[amyclaire]

If he is genuinly being like this and isnt planning anything... and says you cant do anything, whilst saving for a lads holiday and not just using a little bit of that money for your anniversary... then yes, harsh.
Obviously if he is planning something, which i really hope.. then its ok.. but i think he needs to learn at what point just to say look dont get mad and upset, im planning for us but its going to be a surprise.
Its true, men can be so dim about realising theyve done something wrong :s
Its not even necessarily amount the money and going somewhere nice, even if you just picked a night (even if it wasnt your anniversary night to compromise about the overtime thing) and then he cooked for you or something.

Hope you get it all sorted xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[kintenda]

Honestly babe, I would be upset too. However, it might be that he feels he wants to go with his mates because you went away together 2x iykwim? Saying that, I'd be upset if my OH went away without me and then we couldn't go away together.
He might be planning a surprise, you never know. However (and I'm not saying this to upset you) perhaps he isn't as worried about celebrating your anniversary on the night and he might be thinking you can do it another night?
Hope it's sorted out soon. xxx

 

[lovehearts]

Awww fuffy sorry to hear he is being a typical male and forgetting how much anniversarys mean to us girls. OH did it on ours last year - got in from work and then went to play footie with him mates men!

with regard to the holiday i have been there - when i had been with OH a year and a half i really REALLY wanted to go on holiday with him and he said he couldnt afford it. i had some money saved up but it wouldnt have been enough. Anyway his mates were going away and he was gutted about it so i lent him the money so he could go away with them (i must have been stupid lol) and you know my holiday in may is the FIRST abroad holiday we have had together in 4 and a half years!!

i think they just lack the part of the brain which makes them turn the situation around. Like when i want to do something i think how would i feel if OH did it to me...im pretty sure he never thinks like that!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[fuffyburra]

He met me at work today for lunch, and when I bought it up he said "just trust me, okay?" so I'm guessing he might have something planned after all. I don't get why he had to be so mean about it though :/ I've probably made a mountain out of a molehill again and when I asked about the holidays he said we could afford one, and we could go on the road trip I wanted to go on AS WELL. I mean, wha?! Confusing much?! He said no yesterday, but today there's no problem lol. Ah well. We shall have to see

 

[fuffyburra]

Thanks so much for your help by the way, you're all always here for me when I have my stoopid moments. Which is quite often to be honest! XD You're the best xx

 

[plutosblue]

Thats us

The best crew in the land, I think I shall go get my supercape on hehe

 

[fuffyburra]

Supercape and a ninja outfit? Nice

 

[calm]

I am very glad things are not as they seemed, hope he has a super surprise in stall X