Am i deserving... or should i be burned at the stake?

[Sam_1980]

Hello

Sorry to find each other on here...but hey, its good to have people to talk to and get advice, even if we are all speaking through a pc or laptop, what did they do years ago...send carrier pigeons haha

I wont drone on about my issues and attention seek, i'll be short (ish).
I'm 31, been trying to get pregnant for near 11 year...yes near eleven years - without medical intervention. I turned 30 last year and finally accepted that sadly it 'wasnt going to happen naturally'. So went to docs...turns out i ovulate normally (so the docs say), hubby SA excellent...so kinda in libdo. Got lap scheduled for this January, so hope i might finally find out what in the blazes is wrong with me. I need to face this...i need to face it..i need to confont the reason i have felt an imcomplete woman for over over 10 years.

So many of my friends and family have had their familes through-out the years and yet...here i STILL am..barren and broken hearted. I go through life...but i dont live life it that makes sense.

Anyway to get back to my reason for posting. I drink alcohol...usually twice a week, and (goodness forbid, I, SMOKE - take a deep breath - around 10 a day). In years goneby....i have given up for 8-9 months at a time and given up alcohol as well....my question, i guess is, because i continue to drink and smoke...do i deserve it...as i said i've given up all before...but 11-12 years later, am i pathetic desperate case to continue to even hope. Or should i give up all hopes of ever being a deserving mum.

 

[no_regrets_91]

Just cause you drink occasionally and smoke doesn't mean you d

eserve this less than anyone else. I am sure you will give up both when you get pregnant. For the time being look up what smoking can do to fertility and based on what you find then decide if you should quit now. FYI I never smoked until I started going through this now I have one or two when the stress starts to get to me. And you smoking is similar to be being stubborn about losing weight. I know it would help but food is my only comfort. I don't think it means u deserve it less than anyone else on here. Hang in there you will get your answers and your baby.

 

[Sam_1980]

Just cause you drink occasionally and smoke doesn't mean you d

eserve this less than anyone else. I am sure you will give up both when you get pregnant. For the time being look up what smoking can do to fertility and based on what you find then decide if you should quit now. FYI I never smoked until I started going through this now I have one or two when the stress starts to get to me. And you smoking is similar to be being stubborn about losing weight. I know it would help but food is my only comfort. I don't think it means u deserve it less than anyone else on here. Hang in there you will get your answers and your baby.

Hey there

Thank you for your reply, means alot, so thank you for taking the time. Without a doubt i would quit smoking and drinking altogether if i was blessed with a pregnancy, but lets be honest...after 11 years, its not going to happen

I've looked up the effect of smoking and drinking and fertility and OBVIOUSLY it isnt good, so i dare say because i havent given up completely it is hindering me. But i started TTC when i was near 19 years of age, i've always been a healthy weight, size 10, about 9 stone, i exercise 5 times a week, always have. So other than my disgusting (fairly low smoking and alcohol habits) why oh why hasnt it happened?!

I dont know your history, so feel free to share... i will be here, and i wish you all the best. Sam x

 

[harveydog]

Sam please don't give up, I nearly did after 9 years of trying, 3 failed ivf's and then my miracle came along naturally! He's now 6 1/2 months

I felt like i was flogging a dead horse!

I insisted on my checks re-done i.e. Ovulation & HSG, and they found I had developed a thyroid problem and one of my tubes had become blocked (was clear before ivf)

The only thing I did different 2 months prior was to take low dose aspirin and
sasmar lube after reading that fertility docs in London were prescribing aspirin
to their ivf patients who failed to implant after two goes.

I don't smoke but was a passive smoking if that counts, and I drank every other weekend.

I hope you get your little miracle soon

 

[no_regrets_91]

Just cause you drink occasionally and smoke doesn't mean you d

eserve this less than anyone else. I am sure you will give up both when you get pregnant. For the time being look up what smoking can do to fertility and based on what you find then decide if you should quit now. FYI I never smoked until I started going through this now I have one or two when the stress starts to get to me. And you smoking is similar to be being stubborn about losing weight. I know it would help but food is my only comfort. I don't think it means u deserve it less than anyone else on here. Hang in there you will get your answers and your baby.

Hey there

Thank you for your reply, means alot, so thank you for taking the time. Without a doubt i would quit smoking and drinking altogether if i was blessed with a pregnancy, but lets be honest...after 11 years, its not going to happen

I've looked up the effect of smoking and drinking and fertility and OBVIOUSLY it isnt good, so i dare say because i havent given up completely it is hindering me. But i started TTC when i was near 19 years of age, i've always been a healthy weight, size 10, about 9 stone, i exercise 5 times a week, always have. So other than my disgusting (fairly low smoking and alcohol habits) why oh why hasnt it happened?!

I dont know your history, so feel free to share... i will be here, and i wish you all the best. Sam x

I agree that 11 years is a very long time but you were trying naturally all that time maybe all you need is a little help. it could be that you have blocked tubes or your eggs aren't in good enough condition (clomid can help this) maybe it is a problem with the sperm penitrating the egg in this case icsi should solve it. and since I take it that you live in the uk the cost shouldnt be a problem right?

I have severe pcos I don't ovulate at all, haven't since I was 13ish but i have been ttc since april of 2009 I am only 20 so I still have time but I because I never get periods I knew that I would need help so after 2 yrs of trying I saw my obgyn and she then refered me to an re. I don't respond to any of the pills so as soon as af gets here (induced by pills) I should be able to start injectables and since those are so expensive we are combining it with iui to maximise our chances. if I don't get pregnant this cycle I am going to focus on losing at least 25lbs and try injectables again then if that doesn't work we will decide on ovarian drilling, ivf, or embryo adoption. either way we will need to save up.

so that is my story. I had practically given up but then after thinking about it I want this way to bad to be able to just let it go. So i will continue until I find a way but for me getting pregnant is the only option. I hope you get your answers and remember there is always a way. don't give up hope. I wrote a long post about that in my blog feel free to read it it might help.

 

[Sam_1980]

Sam please don't give up, I nearly did after 9 years of trying, 3 failed ivf's and then my miracle came along naturally! He's now 6 1/2 months

I felt like i was flogging a dead horse!

I insisted on my checks re-done i.e. Ovulation & HSG, and they found I had developed a thyroid problem and one of my tubes had become blocked (was clear before ivf)

The only thing I did different 2 months prior was to take low dose aspirin and
sasmar lube after reading that fertility docs in London were prescribing aspirin
to their ivf patients who failed to implant after two goes.

I don't smoke but was a passive smoking if that counts, and I drank every other weekend.

I hope you get your little miracle soon

Hello HarveyDog

Thank so much you for your reply and your kind word of advice, and for your little boy wow, i understand your "miracle"...congratulations and i mean that from botton of my heart. Keep me informed, all the best, Sam x

 

[Sam_1980]

[QUOh


TE=harveydog;14302274]Sam please don't give up, I nearly did after 9 years of trying, 3 failed ivf's and then my miracle came along naturally! He's now 6 1/2 months

I felt like i was flogging a dead horse!

I insisted on my checks re-done i.e. Ovulation & HSG, and they found I had hellodeveloped a thyroid problem and one of my tubes had become blocked (was clear before ivf)

The only thing I did different 2 months prior was to take low dose aspirin and
sasmar lube after reading that fertility docs in London were prescribing aspirin
to their ivf patients who failed to implant after two goes.

I don't smoke but was a passive smoking if that counts, and I drank every other weekend.

I hope you get your little miracle soon[/QUOTE]

Hello HarveyDog

Thank you for taking time to reply and respond to my post. Your son, wow what a beautiful angel and i wish you nothing but the best, i need an other post....

 

[SabrinaKat]

Hi,

I was told in my mid-20s that due to PCOS it would be very difficult for me to have children, and when my partner died suddenly when I was 26, I pushed the idea of marriage and children far away; even at 33, when I met somebody else, I told him that I figured I couldn't have children and we married a few years ago -- I gave up using contraception at 40 and got pregnant within two months, but sadly mc'ed. I felt like a complete failure -- it is one thing to be told you can't have children, another to get pregnant and lose the baby.

My husband and I decided to try IVF, but I had to make some significant life-style changes -- I did continue to drink and smoke, but lost 3 stone over 2010 by healthy eating and gentle exercise (walking, exercise bike); my GP started me on metformin and we began the IVF blood work, which showed that I had underactive thyroid, which explained alot about why my cycles were erratic (21 to 44 days) and my weight almost refused to shift. In May of this year, we re-did our bloods in preparation for IVF and my GP doubled my thyroid medication, I had a perfect 28 day cycle and we waited for my next period to begin the hormone treatment -- I became pregnant naturally and am now 27wks+ and all the scans, etc., seem to show a healthy little boy. I was 43 when I conceived and will be 44 when he is delivered in February. Please do NOT give up hope -- ask your doctor to do some routine blood work, it could be something as silly as my underactive thyroid and my IVF (now, not needed) think I NEVER had PCOS, but thyroid problems (but that also could have changed over the past 20 years also...)

oh, and I quit smoking in January-March in preparation for IVF as I felt it would be silly to spend all that money on IVF and still smoke, but I admit I miss it. As for drink, I didn't realise that I was pregnant, but thought I had the flu, so wasn't actually drinking too much in the few weeks in-between -- maybe try and cut down to a few cigarettes when you drink (but don't start drinking at 10am!) and then put a pound coin in a jar for every pack of cigarettes you don't buy and that might give you some motivation as well....

YOU do deserve to be a mum, so prehaps a project to focus on instead? I learned to knit (which also meant I couldn't smoke)....

best wishes

 

[rosebud_01_99]

hi there,

ive been ttc for 16yrs and dont smoke but do drink at weekends and until recetly was very overweight , i lost 8stone in the last 2yrs but so far it hasnt helped my rotten pcos ovaries. i have had 8 ivfs and only had 3 miscarriages to show for it, we are facing living the rest of our life childless now, i have some frozen embies left but once i have used them next yr i dont think i will go any furthur as we are just so tired of it all, i mean im on immune treatment each time as well as using my own eggs i also tired donor eggs , nothing works for me, we looked into surrogacy but its a huge issue in ireland to do this and unless the law changes we wont be able to go that route, i was refused adoption as i have backpain issues, so we feel like parenthood is denied to us despite trying absolutly everything, but at least we can say we didnt give up without a fight i suppose, although that is cold comfort. rosebud

 

[Sam_1980]

Thank you all for replying, it is much appreciated, i will have you in my thoughts, i'm sorry that you are going through this, i wish i could help us all in getting our baba's. I wouldnt wish this hell on anyone. No one really understands unless they have gone through it themselves, this site is amazing, i feel better for just having vented

I feel such a failure, a nobody, sometimes i even think that i'd be better off dead, but hey i must continue to put a brave face on...onwards and upwards as they say.

On a positive note i'm looking forward to my lap, finally, i might have some answers. If the outlook is bad then i suppose i'll just need to carry on regardless. I'm surprised i havent had a nervous breakdown by now..all those years spent hoping "maybe this month" only to be disappointed by the red stain on my knickers...i still get my hopes up to this day...why do i do it to myself lol!! I'm going to stop smoking completely by the new year, that way i can rest assured that it isnt the smoking thats stopping me from being a mum.

Rosebud you have been through the mill, and how awful that you were turned down for adoption because of back troubles...the system is all wrong eh. Well done on losing all that weight...even though it hasnt helped your pesky ovaries i bet you feel better in yourself!

 

[cooch]

Your lap is the next big step, however having had one recently. Please say to them before the op that if they find endometriosis that they remove it there and then. Otherwise they just leave it. xx

 

[Jokerette]

You don't deserve this at all and please dont get down on yourself thinking that LTTTC is your fault due to drinking or smoking you want and deserve a baby and that is all that matters . I'm sending loads of baby dust your way, and good thoughts, and virtual hugs. It is inspirational reading some of the comments above about women getting their BFP after 9 years and I hope you get yours soon too. Everyone who wants a baby should be able to have one.

 

[harveydog]

Sam - thank you for your kind words

I believe good things come to those that wait and you have waited soo long! When your little miracle comes along he/she will be amazing

Keep thinking positive and if you feel the next step is assistance then go for it. I've done iui and ivf so I'll try and help you as much as I can if you private message me.

I wish you all the best

 

[Sam_1980]

Hello

Reading the replies from you all has brough tears to my eyes, honestly thank you so much for all the kind words, so much appreciated. Its good to talk to people, my family and friends really dont understand. They prefer not to talk about it and to be honest i kind of prefer it that way. When baby talk is going on i used to join in and say i was too young to think about having kids (while secretly screaming inside) and putting a brave face on, now i just keep quiet and feel like the barren one far removed from the "normal" women out there. I've always been a positive person, and not let it worry me too much, i thought i had accepted it, but now that i've been to the doctors and i'm moving on to treatment like the lap and dye, i am going out of my head, floating between rage and pity for myself ARGH lol i havent felt this bad in all the years i didnt really bother about it!! Now i'm also panicking incase i'm menopausal, my periods used to be every 28-30 days but these few months they've been every 26 days and very light...man alive i'm going outta my mind HURRY UP LAP so i can get my sanity back

On a different note, i woke up to snow this morning and had to trudge through it to work...too dangerous to take the car oh and i havent had a ciggie since yesterday...5 pats on the back to me

Thank you all again and i'll be thinking of us all and wishing for big bellies for us. I'll keep you informed of my treatment.

 

[heathette]

Hi Sam,

I've just read your thread and can really really relate to you

Myself and hubby are due to start injecting for ICSI (at long last) just after Christmas, after trying for nearly 4 years we finally went to docs a year ago and it turns out hubby's swimmers were 'lazy'.. So IVF it has to be. But I too smoke and love my pinot grigio. I have cut down on ciggies, and will certainly give up both once I start injections and shots and for certain if our embie sticks and IVF goes to plan. But we have found our baby making journey very stressful and very upsetting. I have 6 close friends ALL with baby bumps at the moment, and know many more that are expecting, it seems like theres another announcement on facebook everyday. The odd glass of pinot grigio when out for a meal with hubby and a ciggie are my vices, but they make me happy. Hubby has done everything to improve his swimmers - he is a professional athlete so doesn't smoke or drink, he gave up caffeine and takes vitamins everyday. We both eat super healthily, I exercise, take my vitamins, I'm small but a healthy 8 stone, 5ft1. But I hold my hands up and admit, the odd glass of wine snuggled on the sofa in the evening with my cats and husband is heaven to me. And through all the stress and heartache infertility has caused us so far, why should I begrudge myself this. You shouldn't either hun, but you definitely should be patting yourself on the back if you do cut down, even just by one a day - I have, and i'm proud of myself, you should be too. As a fellow smoker, one less a day may seem pathetic to non smokers but I understand it's a step nevertheless. Wishing you all the luck for your lap

Sending baby dust to you all girlies..

xxx

 

[Sam_1980]

Hi Heathette

Sorry to hear about your problems, but thats great that you start ICSI soon.
It sounds like you have everything going for you since it is only your husbands "lazy" sperm to deal with and not a whole host of other problems, fingers crossed that this hell will be over for you soon, i'll keep you in my thoughts

I dont know much about the ICSI process, but feel free to chat to me more about it.
Is so hard putting a brave face on when surrounded by pregnant woman. A part of you is really really happy but also another part of you dies inside when you think of your own struggles...its just so unfair. I know we have a lot of other things to be thankful for...but still, when you have a womb that refuses to be filled, its just heartbreaking

I dont feel so pathetic now for wanting something so bad and not being able to quit smoking completely yet in order to get it. Every article you read about TTC screams how bad smoking is for ferility. Truth is, i feel so hard done by having to give up smoking and drinking (i know that sounds awful terrible and shocking), but i am soo heathly just like you in other ways. I exercise 3 times a week, i'm 5'4 and 9 stone...eat organic meat and veg only, drink 3 litres of water a day, take multi-vits the lot....but of course i smoke therefore that MUST be the reason or at least be majorly contributing to it...well according to the way the docs look at you when you're honest and confess to smoking 10 sometimes more a day!! I know it wouldnt hurt to stop smoking and i will for sure so at least i can say i've tried everything

I'm not usually one of those people who begrudge and say "oh look at that heroin/alcoholic/cannibas addict that has 5 kids to different blokes"...but come on, surely that says something!!! I suppose i'm just trying to justify myself lol...only right thing to do is stop and i WILL one day...possibly on my deathbed Joking aside, you are right even 1 less a day is a good step to take. Oh well onwards and upwards eh