am I doing the right thing by reducing contact?

[ukgirl23]

my ex was given 5 days contact in court supervised with my father during the contact he..


. Let our 4 year old climb up on the dining table next to him, then he fell off and smacked his head on a fridge.
. Didn't talk to the kids very much or engage with them in activities.
. My daughter's hair needs clipping back at the front but he just bunched it into a pony tain on her forehead and took her out like it.
. Played on the xbox with my daughter who is 6 from 10am -3pm while my son who is 4 just sat and watched for the whole day.
. When the kids played lego he played next to them in silence, when they got bored and when to the guitar he stayed playing with the lego, when they went to do something else he went and played guitar and ignored them.
. Didn't hold the 4 year's old hand on a very windy day near the edge of the lake, or watch him properly.
. At he sealife center he didnt talk to the kids until he saw my dad was filming him then he very quickly crouched down and started pointing at the animals.
. Stared into space when they argued and ignored them.
and fed them junk food to keep them happy and quiet, they came home with food all over their faces and clothes and not willing to eat anything proper.

his visitation was from 10-3 for 5 days, his next contact is coming up and I'm thinking of reducing his hours, but CAFCASS told me to give him as much time as possible with them to see wiht he gets bored, but I dont want to use my kids as an experiment and put them at risk so I am suggesting 11-3 this time and 10-1.30 on one of the days as our son as a speech therapy appointment, there is a long waiting list and my son starts school in september so the 1 to 1 sessions wont be available to him after summer so it's not like I can turn it down...

Do you think I am making a mistake by cutting his hours down? will they use it against me in court?

 

[Dezireey]

I think it probably is better if you talk to him face to face and tell him he needs to change and update his parenting skills asap. Rather than just cut hours immediately, try and resolve the issue someway. He appears to not take his kids seriously at all, education is usually a better start than prevention.

 

[ukgirl23]

I can not talk to him face to face, he was abusive to me in every way you can imagine so I have been told not to be near him at all.. which is why my dad is supervising the visits for me x

 

[Dezireey]

Then perhaps either get your dad to talk to him or write him a letter? He needs to be made aware that what he is doing is wrong. I would try to get him to understand first that his parenting is crap before suddenly cutting hours, he may retaliate nastily by the sounds of him (if that is his character) so tread carefully. I hope it works out for you, whichever option you choose. Sometimes I'm glad my FOB has nothing to do with my LO as some FOB's havent a clue.

 

[ukgirl23]

thank you, you are right I will email him and try to talk to him xx

 

[Ceejay123]

Id definitely say talk to him or warn him! That way if he carries on you can reduce contact without him having anything to throw at you x

 

[ukgirl23]

well I emailed him, I told him that I didnt blame him for not being great at parenting as he hadnt been around for almost 3 years and told him I wasnt critising him as a parent, then I told him I was worried about the kids and explained all my reasons ...

That was before lunch.... he hasnt replied, I feel like he wont reply.

 

[Dezireey]

If he doesn't or won't reply, the next step would be another e-mail ( wait a few days) to say if he doesn't reply with some suggestions for improvement of his parenting then you will have to 'consider' reducing contact as he is obviously not taking your concerns seriously. Keep these e-mails stored and it shows if he becomes difficult that you tried communicating with him first but he ignored you etc.

 

[ukgirl23]

well it is friday now, so he's probably going to be drunk and out with his mates until sunday so I wont hear from him until at least monday now... when he has nothing else to do.. lol