Am I doing the right thing?

[BrandiCanucks]

My husband has been severely depressed and suicidal lately and I've been trying desperately to get him some help, to no avail. After a big blow up last night where he, again, threatened suicide and threatened to hit me (he's hit and choked me only ONCE before), I decided it was time to try again to get him help. Our doctor has refused, his family brushes him off as being attention-seeking, and so tonight I gave him an ultimatum: Go to the hospital and talk to someone. Get a referral and then come home, or the kids and I are leaving until you do.

He's been sleeping for more than 16 hours a day, hides in his basement, doesn't eat, has gained a ton of weight, then there's the suicide threats, and all our doctor says is to go to the emergency room. He refuses. He is too proud to admit he needs help. He's become angry and violent lately, which is NOT him at all. He has never been an angry or violent person, and he's changing rapidly. He's yelling at the kids for simple things like my son poops in the potty instead of the toilet, or my daughter is wearing her 4th pair of clothes that day. He degrades me and tells me I'm a drama queen, and that I was happy when I found that he wants to die because it caused drama in my life. He calls me a piece of s**t, threatens to hit me, threatens to call Children's Aid on me...and so much more.

BUT IT ISN'T HIM!!! He's so severely depressed that he's becoming angry. he blames his depression on me and no one will help him. I'm just watching him get worse and worse. So, tonight, I called the police on him out of desperation. I wanted them to take him to a hospital so he could talk to someone and get a referral to a psychiatrist. He admitted to being depressed and admitted it was escalating, but refused to admit to being suicidal, so they couldn't take him to the hospital. In the end, it was decided that it was best for him to leave. As he left, I told him that he will not see his kids again until he gets some help, and not to bother coming home until he does. I told him if he needs clean clothes, I'll take some to wherever he is staying, but I will not allow him around my kids until he gets some help.

I don't want to take my kids away from him, and I feel horrible threatening it, but I feel like, at the moment, it's the right motivation to get him help. I just hope I don't throw him over the edge into suicide by taking them away.

 

[Laura2919]

This is probably best in Home life and relationships hun but I will answer with what I think.

You say he isnt violent but he has hit and choked you once before? Once is enough for me. I wouldnt want to be with someone who could do that. If he doesnt want to get help you cant force him to. If you and his children are not enough for him to want to get help then I am afraid walking away is the best choice. I'd never want to put my children at risk of his mood swings. Shouting because your son went on the potty instead of the toilet, thats not good, that will only have a negative effect on your kids.

You cant make him get help he has to do it because deep down he knows he does. I'd say dont let him back until he does.

 

[kirst1805]

Totally agree with Laura on this hun.

XX

 

[ZombieQueen]

I agree once is one time too many.

But i can tell you that depression is extremely hard, sometimes using force to try to get the person help only makes things worse.. I'm suffering severely and the only reason I've reached out is because my love for my child is stronger than my desire to escape.. my husband has decided he no longer wants to be with me, he yells and gets angry when I'm too upset to get out of bed, this causes more self pity and frustration, if I didn't have this child who needed me, i wouldn't go to a doctor just to avoid more judgement than I already feel I'm getting from the one person i trusted to help me. Also, I am not a violent person, I've always had a bigger heart than my emotions could handle, I could never.even hurt a spider, but since sinking into this darkness, I am so angry, hurt and alone, i feel so bitter toward my husband for not holding me, helping me and for not being there for me that I lay in bed at night and i just want to reach over and start hitting him out of his peaceful sleep.

A bit of a rant there, I just wanted to say that I need someone to help me in a nurturing way and not. Forceful one.. I need someone to hold my hand and tell me I can make it through if I try, even if i don't believe it, when you're so lost and so alone feeling, its often the little things that help. He's probably scared of being judged, of feeling like more of a failure, and now he's probably beating himself up over the thought of losing you and the kids.. this is just my thoughts on the matter,I could be completely wrong.. i wish you the best.