Am I in for trouble later?

[Aphy]

We have a 4.5 week old baby boy who I exclusively breast feed. He is not a big fan of sleeping in his camping cot which I keep next to the bed so often he ends up sleeping in my arms in bed with me and dh. Some nights I can get him to sleep in the cot if he is really tired/asleep when I put him in. Personally I also prefer having him in bed with me cause that way both him and I actually sleep better; he sometimes sleeps for a whole 4-5 hour stretch while usually it's 3 hours so I get more sleep his way (not always but every little bit helps). People are telling me that I am creating a problem for us later down the line with regards to getting him out of our bed. What is the experience of moms with older kids who did he same thing? Did you struggle to move them eventually into their cribs/own rooms/out of your beds? Our plan isn't to keep him in bed with us,we do want him to get used to his cot as we will eventually be moving him to his own room but want to know if I shouldn't be encouraging the same bed cuddling as I have been doing

 

[Mummafrog]

I chose to bed share and breastfeed exclusively with my first after much research and deciding the benefits for her outweighed the risks and it felt like the natural and safest thing for us. It regulates their breathing, temp and heart rate and is easy to do safely.
We stayed that way till about 14 months until gently starting to do the first half of the night in her own room once she was gaurunteed to do a big stretch, we started by me lying on her bed and still feeding her to sleep and sneaking away and she'd come in with us at some point. When we weaned at 18m it helped for daddy to do bed time and sometimes she'd sleep through and other times she'd come in the bed still. She's 3 now and mostly sleeps through in her room but sometimes needs someone and we're fine with that this was all led by her with no tears and now bed time is extremely easy as her needs have always been met, just a story and she rolls over to sleep.

Trust your instincts and do what feels right for you

 

[_Meep_]

My first hardly ever slept in her own bed as a baby. She had her own room with a cot when she turned 1, but always ended up in our bed at some point during the night. It wasn't until she was almost 2 that we moved her into a toddler bed, but she has never once even got out of it (she's 3 now). Occasionally she will cry in the night and end up in our room but 90% of the time she sleeps through and has done for many months. So certainly, being close and held as a baby while she slept didn't do any harm. It's actually completely natural in my opinion. Why should a tiny baby, new to the world outside of its mother, want/have to sleep alone?!

 

[MindUtopia]

That's exactly what we did and no trouble at all. It was lovely actually and I suspect we got more sleep and had less stress around sleep than our friends who didn't bedshare. We always planned to bedshare and have a big family bed, so it wasn't like something that just happened by accident and it wasn't something we were eager to stop until it didn't work for us anymore. I hoped to at least do it until 1, but it worked well, so we just kept going. Our daughter slept with us in our bed til she was 2. Then we made her a little floor bed in our room next to our bed and she slept there (she was getting too big for us all to fit well in the family bed by then and we'd stopped sleeping as well as we had, but she still wasn't ready to sleep on her own all night). She did start out in her own room from 8 months (because I didn't feel safe leaving her on a bed unattended once she was mobile in case she crawled off, which nearly happened one time). But then she would come in when she woke during the night and once she was walking she would get up and just walk in on her own and get in bed. That worked for us and we carried on until she decided she wanted to sleep all night in her own room. That was at 3.5 and she started sleeping in her room and that was that. Now I don't mean to say that as in, you'll be stuck sleeping together until your baby is 3! That was our choice that we made well before she was born to keep doing it as long as it worked well for everyone. It may not work for you that long and you may find something else is better. But my point is just that even after 3.5 years of so called 'bad habits,' mine easily and happily transitioned when the time came and it was no big deal. In the meantime, we all got lots more sleep and it was lovely to have her close by. I don't think there's any reason to do anything different if what you're doing now is working. The early weeks and months especially are so tough. Get as much sleep as you can however you can get it.

 

[loeylo]

Personally it isn't for me having a wee one in bed. Our daughter was right beside us in a swinging crib until 5 months, it would have been longer but she was pulling herself around using the bars and it felt unsafe, we needed something larger for her to sleep in. There wasn't enough space in our room for a full sized cot so she went into her own room, using the angelcare baby monitor in her cot. She had her cot converted to a toddler bed at 15 months, using a bed rail to stop her falling out, and we removed the bed rail recently.
I'm of the opinion that everyone sleeps in their own bed. My dd slept through the night from 4 weeks, she's only been up if we are going through a regression, she's teething, or she isn't well.
Our bed is our area and I think it would have impacted on our relationship if our daughter had been in bed with us. It's the only time we had to reconnect and be a couple again. Not to mention she was sick a lot and it's far easier to change cot bedding than it is to change a double bed!

 

[WackyMumof2]

OP, it depends how you personally view the situation. Do you enjoy co-sleeping and aren't too stressed about when baby transitions to his own bed or are you like me and fall asleep feeding? I HATE co-sleeping as I like my space and falling asleep feeding with DS2 meant he was still co-sleeping with us until 6. I had to put him on a 4 week camp to break that habit because I used to put him back to bed (he used to wake me) until he realized if he ninjaed if and didn't disturb me, there was nothing I could do until I woke up in the morning. I co-sleep with DS3 2 for the same habit and on occasion I can get him sleeping in his cot. But we've had a very cold Winter too so he's wanted the extra warmth from me rather than bedding. I am HOPING come Summer he will want his own bed because it will be too hot to be snuggled into me but we will see.

 

[thexfadingpat]

No problems at all here. My oldest coslept until about 8 months with us, when he decided that he didn't want to be in our bed anymore (he wouldn't sleep and just played around). We switched him to the crib in his room and he did pretty good with only waking once a night to nurse. Then around 14 months we put him on a floor bed and he now sleeps 11 hours straight there.

 

[xdxxtx]

I cosleep with my babies when they need to... At 3-4 months old, they've all slept much sounder and didn't mind being put down in their bassinets (when asleep). I'd rather get a good night's sleep than have a baby who self soothes and sleeps perfectly in their own bed. lol. At 4-7 months old (depending on the baby, this is when they've started sleeping 8-10 hours during the night), I've moved them out of my room and into the crib. I use the pick-up-put-down method as soon as my babies are sleeping 8 hours during the night in preparation for moving them out of my room. I don't like to share my room with a baby any longer than I need to because I just don't sleep well with a baby in my room, and it's important for my kids to have me well rested and not grumpy. But I've made all of these transitions starting with four babies who were all held all night for at the first 2-3 months of their lives, and I didn't struggle any more than friends who did NOT hold their babies to sleep. I think you're doing just fine!

 

[Smiler82]

Our almost four year old co slept with us and is now a brilliant sleeper. I wouldn't say it has always been an easy thing to do but ultimately I think for us it was worth it and the right thing to do. I don't know if it made a difference but one thing I always did was read him a story, give him his night time milk etc all in his room. He always started the night in his own room and in his own cot. There was a period of time when he was really little that he'd last all of five minutes in his cot before going into our bed, but over time that increased and we could get to midnight or later before bringing him in.
When it was time for him to get his own bed we talked about it a lot before we did it so that he was prepared. We made a big deal of seeing his cousins' bedrooms and how they had their own beds etc etc. We took him bed shopping, let him choose his sheets etc. Then once he was in his own bed that was it. Honestly - not once since he got his own bed has he asked to come back into our bed! I couldn't believe it. HOWEVER we certainly spent many nights getting into his bed...which was ok to start with because we could fit (and to be honest, I wasn't really ready to give up the snuggles) but as he got older it got more uncomfortable. So again, we talked a lot about how he needed to sleep on his own, he could have a hand to hold but no more us getting in with him. Of course he protested and we had a few nights where he was upset that we wouldn't come in with him anymore, but we never left him alone if he was upset. Now we are at a point where we hold his hand when he gets into bed, then that's it. He gets lots of praise every morning for being such a good sleeper and he proudly tells people that when he wakes up in the night, "I just turn over and go back to sleep!"

I think you just need to decide what is right for you - it's not a problem if you are happy with the situation. The very gradual approach that we've taken was the right thing to do for us and for our son but I know it's not for everyone. We are currently struggling with DS2 but that's more to do with reflux/dairy intolerance issues and so on. I think we will need to take a different approach with him - perhaps have a mattress in our room first or something. You know your family best, you know your child best. Do what makes you happy and don't worry about what anyone else says Your baby is SO very young still - google the fourth trimester if you haven't already x

 

[Aphy]

Thanks so much ladies for all the inputs and perspectives!

 

[minties]

Primates sleep with, and hold their babies, constantly. It's natural and normal. I've bedshared with Emma from birth. We are all happy!

 

[Bevziibubble]

^ Same here. It's totally normal for babies to be attached to their parents and want to be close to them, especially at night

 

[noon_child]

Babies that young don't do things out of habit, they do them for survival, and being close to you ensures they survive. You can always revisit the idea as LO gets older if you start to be less happy with it, but IMO those early weeks are just all about doing whatever you can to get through it.

 

[Perplexed]

I don't think you would be teaching him to constantly be with you because as others said, he already wants and needs you. We didn't co sleep with our baby girl but our lives would have been much easier if we did. We started bringing her into our bed (even though she slept in her own room) whenever she woke up at night from maybe 8 months on. It helped so much and we all slept so much better. Our baby boy slept in a co-sleeping cot and transitioned into the nursery much easier than our daughter did, but we did cosleep on nights that he wasn't settled. I do allow them in our bed now if they need to. They usually only join in the morning. But at my kids age, it is our choice to allow them to sleep with us.

However, at your baby's age it's absolutely normal and I wouldn't worry. There are ways to encourage your little ones to sleep independently when they're older. But for right now, whatever makes your nights easier is the right way to go.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Not at all. My 3yr old slept with me until last year she transitioned on her own. Baby v slept with me holding her till 2 mth's now she sleeps in cot next to us. Again she transitioned by herself x

 

[Aphy]

Thanks so much for your inputs Ladies! It's really reassuring and i will keep doing whatever is necessary to keep my lb happy