Am I Never Allowed To Be Happy.

[~ Vicky ~]

I'm having a bad few days . This last month or so i've been so happy. I've taken control of my life and pregnancy, i've moved on from Gav and started dating a lovely new guy and i've generally been in such a good place and enjoying life again. Until now.

A couple of days ago I heard a rumour that Gav is engaged again. I shrugged it off as a 'whatever, he can do what he likes' kinda thing and it was fine. But today my best friend said to me 'I don't know how to tell you this, but look at Gav's profile pic on facebook'.

It's only tiny but it's him in his RAF uniform stood with his girlfriend who is wearing a white dress has her hair all done up and is holding a bouquet of flowers.

I'm not saying it's definitely a wedding picture but he wouldn't be allowed to wear his RAF uniform like that unless he has permission for a special occasion I believe (he asked about it because he wanted to wear it when we got married).

But either way, I burst into tears when I saw it. I hate how it's effected me so much. How can one single picture, that could be completely innocent set me back so much? I feel awful too for betraying Ryan in a sense because I assured him I was over Gav and ready to move on and what not.

I'm resenting Gav so much for putting me in this position. It's kind of like the final straw of him not wanting to be in Ava's life. I mean i've said I don't want him to be and I'm happy with my decision but a tiny part of me hoped he'd come to his senses before she is born.

I just can't stop crying and I feel so bad because Ava's been kicking like mad and I wanted her to stop, because everytime she did it was bringing flashes of that picture up.

I hate him. I hate him, hate him, hate him.

 

[mBLACK]

I'm sorry dear.. We all break down sometimes wishing that things had turned out differently. It happens to everybody, you aren't betraying your OH - feelings don't just die, moving on doesn't mean you stop loving somebody. It just means that you are able to accept the fact that for some reason it didn't work and can't work at this point in time - & being able to open your heart to let somebody else in. All of our ex's hold a special place in our memories. Trust me, it will get easier. Just give it a little more time.. it's his loss, he will be missing out on the most important thing in the world.

 

[Younglutonmum]

I know what you mean when you say despite him not wanting to be involved you couldn't help but hope he'd come to his senses. I was this way with Stuart for a long time!

I think us single mummys will always have setbacks like this to be honest but in time we'll get stronger, we really will

I wish there was more I could say to you.

Just remember that although it may not feel like it right now, you really are better off without him sweetie. You're a beautiful lady inside & out & he's totally missing out on you & Ava ( fab name by the way )

Trust me, when you're holding Ava in your arms you're gonna have this overwhelming urge to want to protect her from the bad people in life & that includes your knob of an ex!!

xxxxx

 

[~ Vicky ~]

I also forgot to say in my original post, he blocked my mobile phone via the IMEI I assume. Last year my phone broke so he gave me his old one. He's never asked for it back and I didn't think he'd want it, but my phone is now completely unusable. I didn't even realise until this afternoon when I went to check it and noticed it was off, so I turned it on and it wouldn't let me - said inactive. Tried a different SIM Card tonight and it still didn't work.

It's a cheek because i've asked him countless times, NICELY to send back a couple of my things and he hasn't done.

He's a moron.

I just feel so stupid for being so effected by a simple picture and a RUMOUR. It really is pathetic. I just want to be happy and happy with my little girl yet I keep thinking in my head 'If I wasn't expecting you I could've cut him off completely'.

How horrible is that? I love her already I don't resent her in the slightest but these things creep up on me.

 

[Younglutonmum]

I also forgot to say in my original post, he blocked my mobile phone via the IMEI I assume. Last year my phone broke so he gave me his old one. He's never asked for it back and I didn't think he'd want it, but my phone is now completely unusable. I didn't even realise until this afternoon when I went to check it and noticed it was off, so I turned it on and it wouldn't let me - said inactive. Tried a different SIM Card tonight and it still didn't work.

It's a cheek because i've asked him countless times, NICELY to send back a couple of my things and he hasn't done.

He's a moron.

I just feel so stupid for being so effected by a simple picture and a RUMOUR. It really is pathetic. I just want to be happy and happy with my little girl yet I keep thinking in my head 'If I wasn't expecting you I could've cut him off completely'.

How horrible is that? I love her already I don't resent her in the slightest but these things creep up on me.

What a twat blocking your phone like that!! Like seriously what does that achieve!! What a bloody child!!

It's normal to feel that if you weren't expecting LO then you'd have him outta your life completley. The same thoughts used to creep into my head from time to time aswell. Once you're holding Ava though them thoughts will be looooong gone I promise!!

My ex is also a toss pot but at least I got Maya out of him

xxxx

 

[Elli21]

I think Mary said it perfectly...

 

[LilFlower08]

If im honest all the ladies on here are giving you what you need right now...

support, honesty and guidance.
His ways of trying to manipulate and break you emotional show one ting and one thing only... he cares.

He knows your in control of yourself your pregnancy and you life as a whole. Jealous?? I think so... otherwise he'd walk away and stop all forms of contact or "sticking his oar in" as my mum wud say...

If he had got what he really wanted by leaving you and Ava and not having the hard responsibility he'd have taken it and run...

Just think about it.... I would say somebody has been asked to leave but doesn't want to go... (him)

Missed his chance love... You'll come out on top. FACT! xxx

 

[~ Vicky ~]

Nah, he doesn't care. He started cheating on me (he works away in the RAF) and I didn't know, then I found out I was expecting Ava and I told him expecting him to be happy (we weren't 'trying' but we'd spoken about it and weren't using contraception), but he wasn't the first thing he told me to do was get rid. I thought it was strange so I snooped on him and found out about the other girl. I confronted him and after he finally admitted it he chose her and said he doesn't want anything to do with the baby.

I've gone through it all on my own, trying to get involved. He just doesn't care. A month ago I sent him an email outlining everything saying fine i'll do it alone it'll be better for the baby in the long run and he didn't even acknowledge it.

He's well and truly moved on and what happened the other day proved that. I haven't heard from him at all in about 6 weeks, maybe longer.

It makes me so mad - so many Dads don't get to see their children and protest for their rights yet he has a beautiful baby girl due in 3 months and he's refusing to acknowledge her.

Anyways, I feel okay now. I'm still upset over the situation but i'm giving him what he wants (even though he can't see it) by getting so upset over him.

Head held high and all that.

 

[babezone]

aww sorry ur feelin crappy hun x x x x

 

[Newt]

aww hun I am sorry. It's understandable your upset, you have every right.
Things will get easier though little consolation right now that huh?

 

[nikky0907]

Of course it's going to affect you,it affects me FOR you! I can't tell wether or not he married her but it's the ultimate low!

Plus,not to mention childish of him to block your phone!
I've seen you grow so strong hun,you're still that person.Don't let him get to you...You are building a great life for yourself and little Ava.I think everyone is very proud of you and you should be too,whats most important you little girl will be proud of you too and she has someone great to look up to in years to come.

 

[~ Vicky ~]

Thanks Amy

 

[sweetsammi]

Im so sorry huni he's briingin back all these emotions again, its so unfair...and totally undertsandable after all, that should have been u, so its gonna be a big shock to see. You have every right to be angry and upet..but all i can say is hes a twat and ur well rid- i know thats no help whatsoever..but despite how much hurt he has caused u..he has given u the most amazing gift ever. And guess wot? He's lost her You should be proud of how far uv come after whats hes put u through, ur an amzin women Vick. xx