Am I right to feel this way?

[kwieda]

I hadn't gotten my period in about three months and had no positive tests. I saw the doctor and I had a yeast infection. Pregnancy test were negative and all others test were good as well. A few weeks later still no period but I continued to test and one of the last times I tested I only had a very faint line, but then two more tests came up negative. I decided to wait again since the doctor did pretty much nothing with my concerns. two more weeks go by and I lost a large clumps of tissue along with a lot of back pain that I could feel very intensely all the way down to my legs. This is what I and 2 others believe was an early miscarriage. I continued to loose pieces of tissue and varying amounts of blood over the next two weeks. What has been most difficult is not being able to talk to anyone about it. Unfortunately specific family members have been under a lot of stress lately and my husband and I have decided to keep this to ourselves for the time being. I'm really having a hard time with this because many of the people around me are currently having their own issues and I just want to scream "What about me?" "What about my baby???" but they just dont know and its killing me internally not to say anything. As far as they know I have no reason to be moody or sad. I guess I'm looking for someone who also dealt with this without being able to tell anyone what happened. I feel selfish for thinking this way but I dont know how else to feel.

 

[karoolia]

I didn't tell anyone at first. When I did share I was pleasantly surprised and overwhelmed by all the love and support I received. So many women (friends and relatives) told me their own stories. One thing my aunt said to me was that my pain does not change her pain or her story so talking to her or anyone else would not make their situation worse, but gives them a chance to make mine better. I'm not sure what your relatives are going through, but I will say that I found talking to others to be very helpful and healing (as much as healing is possible).

As for your question, no you aren't wrong to feel the way you do. It is completely natural. I felt like screaming at the world for daring to go on with normal life when my world was shattering. I have felt the same way after deaths of close family members. It's harder when no one knows though because then you have to pretend like everything is fine. On the day of my D&C my manager made me find my own replacement for work. It felt so unfair, but she didn't know why I couldn't work and I didn't want to share. Totally not her fault, but I felt so upset (and angry, if I'm honest) over it.

I'm so sorry for your loss, even if you weren't sure about a pregnancy, it is still devastating and never easy.

 

[momwithbabies]

I’m sorry about your loss. I agree 100% with Karoolia about letting others in on the pain. It’s too hard to keep the grief all locked up inside you, so telling others helps with the process. Anytime that I try to hide my pain, it eventually comes out in some way, shape or form. And usually, it’s not in a good way (depression, alcoholism, etc).

Some people will not know what to say or how to react, but they will at least know what you’re going through. Please take care.

 

[flou]

I agree with the other ladies that you have to talk to others. I have only opened up to a few people about my miscarriages but each time it has felt like a weight is lifted. I wish I could be honest with more people and maybe one day I will be. You will never forget your baby or the pain of a miscarriage but it does get easier as time goes by. How you are feeling is completely normal. Just be kind to yourself and give yourself time to heal. Take care xxx

 

[minties]

You may not have had a miscarriage. Your lining can come out like that for other reasons.