Am I wrong?

[Becky]

Earlier this week I get a text from Lukes sister saying

'I have asked Luke if him and Jacob want to stay at ours this weekend hope this is alright'

firstly NO because J has only met his sister twice and has never been to hers before so its all new smells and surroundings for him secondly no way is Luke having him for the whole weekend he doesnt even know how to steralise a bottle and thirdly Jacob moved into his own room only a few days ago which has had an impact on his routine and him going away so soon might mess it up completely

then Luke texts me saying 'Can I have Jacob this weekend?' so I tell a little fib and say I have plans and that he can possibly have him Sunday but he has to be back by 7 for bed. the reply was 'No im having him friday to sunday' No way is he having him that long he hasnt seen him since the end of January he doesnt know him anymore

We had a slight arguement shall we say because apparently I was just being selfish! And said he wants him at least Saturday night which I have also said no to based all of the same grounds as I mentioned before but still saying he can have him Sunday

He is now saying about how me not letting him have him overnight will make look bad if he takes me to court blah blah blah and how he has a right to see his son and is coming to get him Saturday whether I like it or not.

Am I wrong for saying no? can he really hold it against me? Im am sooo worried that he will try and steal him or something I dunno why but it makes me feel sick everytime he has him!

Sorry for ranting on I just needed to let it all out x

UPDATE - he just text saying ok ill have him sunday but can you make sure you pack a few changes of clothes and a towell for him im not convinced he isnt going to bring him back I dunno what to do

 

[pinkbow]

hey i jus notced ur thread, and think u are totally right in standing ur ground!!! well done u!! hehe

also if he does go to court for custody, all he is entitled to is 1 day a week thru courts so he is def better off 2 compromise with u etc!! ud think he think more of his son and his routine and not try to upset it! Also the courts would kno ur not bein spiteful etc as ur thinkin of ur son which is a great thing, he is priority so u dont need to worry! he cant steal him from u hun

hope this helps, and good luck with it all

 

[Becky]

thank you I kinda knew deep down but he does such a good job of making me feel shit! x

 

[princess_bump]

honey i have no idea what its like but i think you're doing a fab job and making excellent compromise. he can't steal him sweetie, he hasn't seem him since jan and you're doing an amazing job of looking after him x

 

[xarlenex]

You're completely in the right. Maybe once he establishes regular contact for a while then he could take him overnight xx

 

[Pops]

Oh hun, I wish I could just come and give you a big hug

No, he can not hold this against you - you are being perfectly reasonable letting him have him Sunday. He clearly could not look after J for a whole weekend, he is just trying to make you suffer. I know it must be incredibly difficult but just take a deep breath and let it go over your head.

And if he even thinks of not bringing J back bang on time, let me know and Ill come over in the Scoob and we will go get him xxx

 

[Ratty]

How about you write up a questionairre for him to take. Things like feed times, nap times, how to make bottles etc etc. All the things us mommy's know that they don't bother to find out or remember. If he can answer the questions then you shouldn't worry, if he can't then he has no argument when you say no to him taking your son for a whole weekend.

 

[Lazy Leo]

Hi Becky, I don't know you and I don't know your story so if I say anything out of line or say something that you've covered elsewhere then apoligies up front.

Firstly, well done you for putting your son first and for trying to come to an amicable agreement with your ex. Why guys can't take responsibility for their kids is just beyond me. The one thing that struck me right away about your question is that it's Luke's sister who is doing the running here. I don't know her or her relationship with any of you but it strikes me that she is trying to make her brother take some responsibility and she is trying to facilitate this. (if you've had horrible experiences with her and she's a cow, then sorry!) but it does seem she is trying to do the right thing. Maybe she thinks he'll regret not spending time with Jacob, maybe she doesn't want to miss out on her nephew growing up. Maybe she knows his place isn't suitable for a child? The fact she also contacted you upfront and told you that she had spoken to Luke tells me she is trying to do the right thing.

I may be blinkered because my parents were divorced and it was my dad's sister who kept the contact going. I truly think if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have had the relationship I did. My dad didn't drive and she used to pick me up and bring me home. Even when my dad couldn't or wouldn't see me she made sure she took me to see my gran. My relationship with my dad is very neutral but the thing is when I was growing up I was able to see it for myself. He really wasn't that interested in me. No-one was telling me this, my mum always made sure he had me when agreed and he used to laugh and call my mum 'the old moaner' etc etc, never anything really bad but enough. My mum never did that about him, she let me grow up making my own decisions and coming to my own conclusions. Let's say now we have each others number for an emergency and it's an ongoing dillemma whether I would tell him if I make him a grandad. The last I seen him was 4 years ago when my gran died. But I do keep in touch with his other daughter.

You have to be certain that Jacob will be looked after when you leave him with someone and that is the absolulely your first and foremost priorty. If Luke and his sister can't look after him then how can they possibly keep him overnight? Surely his sister as a woman can understand this?
Is Jacob on the bottle? If so, just try asking them if they know how many oz's he should get in each bottle. Simple questions.

My dad used to have acces to me every Sunday and something happened which meant he only got me every third Sunday. I never suffered. It was the right arrangements for us. You'll work out what the right access arrangments are for you and Jacob. But in the meantime I would if at all possible go to a lawyer and get some legal advice. Find out exactly where you stand and you are in a much stronger position to argue your case. Luke sounds a bit wishy washy if you ask me and I think you and your "SIL" can make this work together.

You are doing the right thing standing firm Becky, keep standing your ground and do what you know in your heart to be the best thing for your son