xvmomovx
Zeth & Liam's Mommy
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This is not something I share easily or often in detail but I feel the need to share it here and now for some reason.
I got pregnant when I was 15 years old. I took several pregnancy tests over a period of 2 months after missing periods but they were all negative. I started experiencing some pain and went to my first ever OBGYN appointment. I was terrified and the doctor was horrible. To this day I get a panic attack when going for routine pelvic exams. I found out I was pregnant and I was terrified.
My mum was happy, I was scared (I couldn't even get a job as I was too young), and my boyfriend at the time wanted to pick out names while all I could do was cry.
The next day I had to go back for an ultrasound and blood test and it was determined that I was quite far along (2nd trimester) but the baby was not in my uterus. I had an ectopic pregnancy.
I was only pregnant for days and I was never happy about it because I was too scared to be. It only really hit me after the surgery when I was told that one of my tubes was cut and tied because the baby was too big to spare the tube.
I experienced severe depression and a longing for my baby who was gone forever, not to mention the guilt because when I was pregnant I just wanted it all to go away.
I look back now 14 years later as I have always done through the years. I wonder what she would have looked like, what she would be like... what I would be like. I can't imagine having a teenager now...
I have always felt that she is somewhere else with all the other people I love who are gone. This is an old loss but it still stings and I still long for that baby I never got to hold. It is easier now but I still don't know why and I guess I never will.
I got pregnant when I was 15 years old. I took several pregnancy tests over a period of 2 months after missing periods but they were all negative. I started experiencing some pain and went to my first ever OBGYN appointment. I was terrified and the doctor was horrible. To this day I get a panic attack when going for routine pelvic exams. I found out I was pregnant and I was terrified.
My mum was happy, I was scared (I couldn't even get a job as I was too young), and my boyfriend at the time wanted to pick out names while all I could do was cry.
The next day I had to go back for an ultrasound and blood test and it was determined that I was quite far along (2nd trimester) but the baby was not in my uterus. I had an ectopic pregnancy.
I was only pregnant for days and I was never happy about it because I was too scared to be. It only really hit me after the surgery when I was told that one of my tubes was cut and tied because the baby was too big to spare the tube.
I experienced severe depression and a longing for my baby who was gone forever, not to mention the guilt because when I was pregnant I just wanted it all to go away.
I look back now 14 years later as I have always done through the years. I wonder what she would have looked like, what she would be like... what I would be like. I can't imagine having a teenager now...
I have always felt that she is somewhere else with all the other people I love who are gone. This is an old loss but it still stings and I still long for that baby I never got to hold. It is easier now but I still don't know why and I guess I never will.
