An Uncommon Toiletting Problem in 7 Year Olds?

[charlotteb24]

My 7 Year old step son has a problem with going to the toilet for a poo and its getting a bit annoying now. So I thought i would write on here and see if anyone else has gone through anything similar and see if what i'm thinking of doing is best to do.

Basically, hes very lazy with opening his bowels to put it in the nicest possible way! which results in nasty messes in his underwear which makes him smell like poo if you don't clean him every few hours in some cases! and somtimes its only once a day. Basically what he does, is he will sit on the toilet and he gets bored of sitting there so however far he has got he will just wipe maybe once or twice and then pull up his underwear, you can imagine the rest for yourself i'm sure

So far we have tried:

• Giving him a book to read whilst going
  Checking his underwear periodically which he seems to find embarassing but it still doesn't stop him doing it.
  Giving him flushable moist toilet paper which does help a little bit but he still doesn't wipe until clean.
  Showing him how to wipe properly.
  He hates and is scared rigid of showers so giving him a shower after ever instance which we would hope would prevent him doing it again - it did for a day and only a day!
  Threatening him with pull ups
  Taking away privilidges.

Apparently at home he has stopped doing it as much but in feb half term, i kid you not, it was everyday at least once! so heres what i plan to do this time around, see what you think:

1. Buy him a Nintendo DS game he is desperate for
   Create a reward chart which highlights his toileting issues
   Clean him up if needs be when he arrives and explain to him that from this point onwards he will need to stay squeaky clean with no mess in his pants, everyday he is clean he will get a star.
   If on the day of going home he is clean all week, he has a new game to play on the train.
   If he is dirty badly once, then no game and a shower evertime he messes before he does everything else. Plus possible loss of privilidges i.e whatever is planned for the day if he is dirty.

Any comments? suggestions? im just about out of ideas! i find it odd for a 7 year old to be doing this when theres nothing medically wrong nor is he anxious etc we've had that chat too!

 

[suzib76]

im not actually sure what you are trying to say - sorry

is he actually pooing in his pants? or just not wiping properly?

 

[charlotteb24]

Well it's a bit of both he will let the tail end of the poo come out so it "turtle heads" so to speak, will wipe twice and what's left dangling will fall off in his pants so it's kinda between the 2! Sometimes i also thinks he leaves it too long to go for a poo and does the first bit in his pants too!

 

[suzib76]

see i have a 7 year old as well and tbh we sometimes still wipe his bum for him - if he poos at school he always has skid marks but i think thats just part and parcel of being a 7 year old boy - mine is always too busy to pay much attention to hygiene, they just dont get it

but, i think you could be creating a bigger problem than you have iykwim by making a huge issue out of it, sorry im not much help

 

[charlotteb24]

It's only a huge issue because he is happy to go around smelling like poo! The odd skid mark is no problem at all you can't smell if for starters but he has huge lumps of poo sticking to his pants! And I don't think that's normal in a 7 year old, most can wipe themselves well enough to get say 90% of it off. He's just very lazy and just isn't getting the message.
We take him to play areas, he does it at the park and kids pick on him cos he smells of poo! We get half way to the pool after cleaning him up before leaving, get to the changing rooms and he's dirty so we can't swim as he's dirty and I can't wash him down like that in public showers. It's naughtiness, not that he doesn't know what he has to do, he leaves it too late or won't go and squeezes it back up and a bit falls out.
It concerns me most because other kids comment on him smelling and it prevents us doing things sometimes as we miss the opporunity as we have to spend time cleaning him up.

I guess what i'm trying to say is I could wipe his bum for him but he needs to learn himself to wipe so we get little skid marks if anything and to go when he needs to and they say reward charts work really well! I'm all outta ideas lol!

 

[Bingo]

Maybe you could try calmly but clearly explaining to him that next time this happens it will be his responsibility to empty his pants, clean himself up and then wash his pants before putting them in the washing machine all under your supervision. Hopefully this will teach him very quickly that it's much quicker and more pleasant to use the toilet when he needs to and to wipe his bottom properly rather than having to spend all that extra time and effort doing something that he doesn't want to when he could be out playing instead. From what you've said it does sound like shear laziness on his part.

You could also ask him frequently if he needs to use the toilet.

I hope you're able to sort the problem quickly because it's not pleasant for you and it's not something you should have to be dealing with at his age. Good luck.

 

[babe2ooo]

my step son had the same problem and we took him to the doctors and they gave him medicine which was laxative we would give him one spoonfull a day and every day he would sit on the toilet for 10-15 min, if he didnt go it was fine but it was getting his body into a routine we also up his fruit intake and he was only aloud to drink water, since then we have stopped giving him the medicine and he is fine, the problem with my step son was that his poop was very hard and it was making him not want to go and he was getting lazy and just not going when he needed to, what you have said is just like what my step son was doing, i would take him to the doctor and see what i say to be fair we were like u thinking it would go away or if we buy him this it will just stop and it didnt....trust me his life has been so much better since we went to the doctors about it.

 

[charlotteb24]

Bingo - i'm liking your idea! I think i will do that with him if he does it again this time as he won't want to do it and it may discourage him, hadn't thought of that one at all!

Babe - step son used to be on something like that when he was 2/3 years old because he wouldn't go at all and would store it in for literally a week at a time! This though is not to do with the poop being hard, it comes out in his pants in soft well formed stools (sorry tmi!!) this really I think is an issue with hyeine on his part and his laziness as his mum is just as vigilant as we are! He's always had problems with opening his bowels, just seems yo be the one thing he's never been good with!

 

[Bingo]

Let us know how you get on. I hope it's not medical but from what you've said it does just sound like he needs to help himself. I hope it gets sorted soon as wiping one bum is enough for anyone lol.

 

[DottyLottie]

My daughter started out with a very similar problem to your son, but at a younger age. She was 3 when she stopped using the toilet, at first it was as you describe, she would let a little come out in her pants because she did not get to the loo in time, then it just got progressively worse, until she stopped pooing all together.

The result is that a blockage builds up in the bowel, the soft matter around the main blockage is constantly pushed out by the pressure of such a full bowel, resulting in consistently dirty underwear and really horrid smell. The smell is far worse than normal poo, because it is old poo that is leaking out, that has been rotting in the bowel for days.

The worst part of it, is that my daughter was in total denial, no amount of cajoling, co-ercing, talking, rewarding etc made any difference. We made her sit on the loo for set times, we tried the laxative medicines the doctor prescribed, nothing worked.
Every now and then, the blockage would become so great that it would force it's way out, this would hurt her - no word of a like, I saw my daughter pass stools the size of grapefruits!

This is commonly known as fecal retention, and the most common symptom is denial.
Please do not leave this problem unchecked with your son - my daughter did not kick this awful problem until she was NINE years old. At the time our doctor offered us little or no advice, he just prescribed laxative medicines that did nothing.

But this is not a physical problem, your son is not going to the toilet for reasons that are in his head, whatever they may be, I would act very quickly. My daughter missed out on so much because of her problem, more than anything she missed out on social things because she was self conscious about people being able to smell her (though this was not incentive enough for her to go to the loo!). Kids can be cruel, and will label your boy if you don't get help.

Get your doctor to refer you to a pediatric gastroenterologist, who will have helped people with these same issues before. Don't let your doctor fob you off, insist on being referred.

In the meantime, I know it is unpleasant, but try making your boy wear sanitary towels in his pants, and carry a small pack of baby wipes, at least this way he can be cleaned up and changed quickly.

 

[charlotteb24]

In a way lottie that sounds similar to what my step son does, but I was talking to his mum again the other day and at home he's 100% better so it only seems to be a problem here. At home of she gives him a book to read he will quite literally give birth! Lol! But here he seems to just be naughty with it so I guess I am not being his step mum in a position to take him to the doctors but if it's no longer a probelm at home, here he really will have no excuse!

We have them the end of may so we will try the more laid back approach with the reward chart and if still no effect we will have to take it again from there and re think all over again. His school teacher says he's lazy at school in his work too, he seems to be so laid back in every aspect of his life at the moment that he needs a boot up his bottom!