:wave:
Thank you to you both for your reply. I appreciate it.
On some day I have bad day, and some day I have a good day.....
On bad day, I would thinks god I am so depressed, and feeling so blah and wouldn't talk anyone and would choice to ignore people who trying get in touch with me via text message (I am profoundly deaf so I use texts more) and would wants to be disappear for a while (I am NOT considering to harm myself at all just feeling so low). I would not let anyone to visit me at all for a while.
On good day, I would think I am feeling silly for think I am depressed because I am feeling fine and normal as well and thinks nah I not have depression.
To be honest with you, I thinks I might have depression for a long time, probably about 15 years. As I can't remember when last time I was so happy and chilling out. It been gone really so long and I have been fighting from accept that I am depression, and I have always been pretend that I am fine in front of people. If that's make any sense? Oh and my sex life is low as I don't interest in sex.
As for anxiety, I thinks I have it as well because I have lightheaded and heartbeat so racing and feeling bit sick and panic too. But as soon as I control it, it seems start to calm down... And on bad day, I wouldn't let anyone to visit me at my own home at all, and I was told that they think its might because I am in comfort zone at my own home and don't want anyone to take it away, that's which I thinks they are so right about it. Anxiety just come on for no reason sometimes, and sometimes stress can make it come on as well (I often get stress and worry and I can't just chilling out at all)
Some night it would take me forever to fast sleep because I couldn't relax and keep trying block the past while I am trying to fall sleep....... and on some night I just fast sleep without thinking but in about 10 to 30 minutes later then I would wake up suddenly and in panic and couldn't breath for a sec because I really thought I would never wake up again once I fast sleep, if that any make sense?
My friend was also knew that I might be depression and anxiety for about 18 months but she wouldn't tell me till recently after I admit to her that I think I might have depression and anxiety as I couldn't keep fight from depression anymore because anxiety started to come on now and it wasn't nice to have anxiety more than depression because heartbeat fast and lightheaded and etc.
And she told me that she knew that I might have it and she said she couldn't tell me because she didn't want me to get angry or defensive or argument because I wasn't ready to accept. That which she knew I might be fight from depression and keep pretend.
I am glad that she knew it because it is really hard work to keep pretend that I am fine and they always thinks I am strong but its different story in myself.
does it means I have depression and anxiety now ? Cos I thinks I do have those, just wanted to see what you think ?
xxxxxxxxx