Anxiety and indecisiveness re breast feeding

[Sherah]

I have been reading about harvesting cholostorum prior to giving birth to feed to baby when it arrives. I want my baby to have all the nutrients of breast milk, but am horribly anxious about the actual process of doing it.

I am wondering if it would be possible to harvest and store breast milk prior to giving birth to feed to baby for a few days/weeks then switch to bottle?

My mum struggled with breast feeding and did not produce enough milk and both my brother I had problems attaching and I bit and made her bleed and she had to give up very early on with us both.

I know for a lot of mums it is the most natural thing in the world to them but I just don't feel this way. I am filled with fear about engorgement, blockages, embarrassing leaking, cracked bleeding nipples, stretched, lopsided, misshapen breasts and social stigma. I don't want to feel like a bad mother for fearing breast feeding and all it's commitments! I don't want to sound selfish, but I already had breast complexes about my small B cup prior to pregnancy. I am fully revelling in having a D cup for the first time! I don't want to feel unattractive and in pain due to breast feeding.

I also have concerns about breast feeding in front of others and being unable to drink alcohol or eat certain foods for a further length of time. I am missing socialising and being able to have a drink with my friends and feeling restricted already. I am unsure I can devote myself to a long stint of breast feeding after birth.

I am 21 weeks and 5 days and have battled with the question from the beginning. I am dreading discussing it with the midwife when she asks me and am afraid I'm going to feel judged for not wanting to and pushed into it due to guilt rather than a desire to do it.

Could harvesting cholostorum be an answer for me? Could I self express into bottles to feed to baby instead of direct breast feeding to begin with? I have been reading about breast pumps and hand expressing. Could I do this initially for a few weeks and then switch to formula? If I do not breast feed straight the way and go straight into bottle what happens to my milk? Does it just dry up? Would expressing it myself carry on production?

So many questions, so many fears! Help!

 

[MrsWatson]

I am struggling with a lot of the same issues. I really struggled to bf my first DD 3 years ago, and gave up ebf after a week, I then pumped and bottle fed and used formula for 3 weeks.

Part of me is desperate to get it right and do it for longer this time, but a bigger part of me doesn't want to go through the pain of trying again.

I have read up about harvestig colustrum before birth, but in reality, you will only get a few mls.

After having my DD, I was advised to hand express colustrum, and you literally get drops that you syringe off. After about 2 hours, I managed to collect 4mls, which is tiny!

If it helps at all, my DD is one of the healthiest of all of her friends, even the ones that are still being bf at 3 years old. Try not to feel guilty about using formula, I felt like I wasted my first wee with my DD trying to bf her. The day I started to use a bottle was like someone had turned the sunshine on! I felt happier, baby was happier, and I started to enjoy motherhood instead of constant worrying.

Sorry if I haven't been much help x

 

[Feronia]

Why not attend a La Leche League meeting in your area and bring up your concerns? I just attended my first meeting and it was awesome. Lots of pregnant moms bringing up their questions and concerns and getting them answered by very knowledgeable women who were totally non-judgmental.

(I'll post a longer reply later about the rest of your questions!)

 

[susannah14]

Wow, wow. Just breathe. Seriously, I promise it will all be ok.

For one thing, if you decide to try breastfeeding, it doesn't mean you are locked into it forever. If things don't go well, you can bow out. No big deal. You're getting yourself so worked up over all the things that COULD happen that you are too scared to even try. Also, just because your mother had problems, doesn't mean you will.

In truth, if you try breastfeeding, you probably will run into one or two problems. Most women do. But most times, it's nothing you can't handle.

Leaking, engorgement and pain are all common during the first few weeks. It goes away. You stop leaking once your milk regulates, and while you are leaking, you can wear breast pads to avoid embarrassment. The engorgement goes away. Your nipples get used to it and you won't even feel it anymore.

You don't have to nurse in front of people if you don't want to. Simple. You can always express and bottle feed when you are out and about. Also, you ARE allowed to drink. You can't get drunk and then feed, but I believe the official rule is wait 2 hours per drink. This is a conservative estimate, and the rule I went by is: "Don't feed if you are tipsy."

Exclusively pumping is always an option but you need to be clear that pumping is A) not as efficient at removing milk as a baby, so you will need to work harder to maintain supply, and B). pumping takes longer than nursing (especially once baby gets older and is better at nursing). Exclusively pumping is a big time commitment.

Don't feel guilty if you choose not to breastfeed. You have to do what's best for you, but please...please...don't choose not to breastfeed because you are scared of it. I promise, it's not scary. I was anxious about it when I was pregnant too. I overcame lots of problems, but I'm still breastfeeding at 18 months. It's wonderful.

 

[Kino]

I had all of the same fears as you...all of them. So don't feel guilty at all and know that you are not alone! I breastfed for a few weeks but baby wasn't gaining weight and I premixed and started bottles which was the end of breastfeeding. Like a pp said, it was like the sunshine was turned on. I began enjoying motherhood whereas I didn't while I breastfed. Don't get me wrong, it feels amazing because it is so natural and a great bonding experience and I loved that aspect of it but emotionally, I felt trapped because only I could feed the baby and like you, I was nervous of feeding in public, even covered up. Baby is now 10 Weeks and I'm so happy which makes me a better parent. I feed baby breastmilk from pumping and supplement with formula because I don't produce enough milk. This is working will for now and I will continue this for as long as possible but decide on what you think will work best for you and your family.

 

[Feronia]

How breastfeeding is in the beginning is not how it will be in the long run if you stick with it. The engorgement goes away, any problems with oversupply settle down, and your breasts figure out how much milk to produce if you feed on demand. You can certainly drink alcohol, too. Even if you drink and feed straight away, the amount of alchohol that gets into the milk is so miniscule that the benefits of the breast milk more than outweigh a tiny bit of alcohol. (I’ve seen studies on this recently – it really is VERY little.) The general rule I go to is not to feed if I feel too tipsy, but I do if she is screaming and inconsolable. Eat whatever foods you want, too – it’s very rare for your baby to have a reaction to something you’re eating since breatmilk gets its nutrients from your blood, not your stomach.

If you don’t want to feed in front of others, then don’t. I have friends who use a cover and go into other rooms, and friends who breastfeed with no cover without a care about who sees them (myself included), and it doesn’t matter.
If I were you, I’d talk to your midwife. She may be less judgemental than you think and I’m sure she’s heard similar concerns. Pumping is really difficult to do exclusively, though, so if I were you I would try to breastfeed. The baby gets a lot more milk that way and you can always take it one day at a time and see how you feel.

I’m still breastfeeding at 15 months and it really has become a wonderful thing. I had problems in the beginning, nothing major, but they settled out quickly. When I come home from work after a long day and she runs up to me with a smile and signs for milk, my heart just melts.

 

[staralfur]

You won't be able to harvest/store milk prior to the birth because you won't start producing milk until a few days after your baby is born. I haven't looked into harvesting colostrum too closely, but that could be an option for the first few days (I'd probably ask your midwife about this).

I did not feel like breastfeeding was the most natural thing in the world in the beginning and I was actually kind of mad that no one told me about all the things that could wrong and that some people really struggle. So in that sense, I think you've actually got a bit of an advantage on some people, because you're aware of the problems. Since you know the potential issues you can read about how to fix them ahead of time so you're prepared if you run into them. I think on forums like this you read about a lot of issues because people are seeking help, but in the 'real world' I know quite a few people who didn't run into any problems breastfeeding. It could be a breeze for you!

You don't need to cut out any foods unless your baby reacts to something specifically, which I don't think is very common. I haven't had to give up anything, including caffeine. As for drinking, you can always pump ahead of time if you're planning on having a few drinks. After my LO was a few months old I would feed as normal after 1 or 2 drinks.

I personally would never choose to exclusively pump, most people turn to that as a last resort when breastfeeding doesn't work out. It is extremely time consuming and often times not terribly efficient. I am in awe of ladies who exclusively express, because it's tough.

If you don't breastfeed then yes, your milk will dry up. I'm not sure how long that process takes, but generally speaking you'd need to be feeding on demand when the milk comes in to produce enough for your LO.

If you don't want to breastfeed, then don't. But if you're on the fence then I would go into it with an open mind and give it a shot. As a PP said, if you don't want to continue then it's much easier to stop breastfeeding than it is to relactate.

 

[Pielette]

The main thing I'd advise is simply to try it. You just don't know how it will be for you unless you give it a go. It could be easy! Yes there are lots of potential problems, but some women don't experience any. I haven't had mastitis, blocked ducts, thrush or cracked nipples. The only issue I had was sore nipples in the beginning which gradually eased off. By week three we had turned a massive corner.

As others have said you can drink alcohol. The rule I go by is if you're ok to drive you're ok to feed. I don't avoid any foods. I eat what I like. If it turns out that you have a baby with a dairy intolerance for example, then you'd need to look at your diet, if not no problem.

Feeding in public - I was nervous about that too but got comfortable with it pretty quickly. I use two tops, one up and one down and nobody can see a thing. Or you can use a cover. And if you really don't want to then you can find somewhere private to feed.

Exclusively pumping is a massive commitment. I am absolutely in awe of women who manage it because it's a slog. I have to say that personally I probably wouldn't have done it if breastfeeding hadn't worked out. I just wouldn't have the time or energy for it.

Please try to stop worrying. Take it one step at a time. When baby is born you can give it a go and see how it is. Or if you really don't think you can face it then formula is there.

Hand on heart, I've done both, I formula fed my eldest and I breastfeed my youngest, and I can honestly say that this time has been incredible. I have loved almost every minute. It's very special and it's worth at least trying because it might suit you. If not then no harm done by trying!

 

[NoodleSnack]

You won't know how you feel about bf (or anything else) until your baby's here. It could be as you thought or the complete opposite. You could be eager to put that baby on your breast or just want a break after that long exhausting labour. Bf could be natural to you, or it could leave you feeling depressed and in tears. It could be a bonding experience or just something to get through. It's all okay. Motherhood is tough, you'll soon learn that there's potential for guilt in most choices you make.

Forget all the hangups you have now and wait until you have given birth to decide. If you don't want to continue you can stop anytime, but if you find that you want to bf, don't let the initial difficulties put you off. Many women have them and come out the other side, so can you.

 

[Mrs Bee]

Give it a go I found that being informed about the things that could go 'wrong' with breastfeeding helped me feel confident...it's really not the most natural thing in the world when you have no idea what to do for the first time, but after the tough few weeks it really does turn into the easiest thing in the world to do all the best to you xxxx

 

[JessesGirl29]

I'm just under two weeks in....I agree with the advice to see how you feel and see how it goes.

My experience in being a new mom breastfeeding so far: My boy had a great latch and it was slightly nerve wracking in the first day or two knowing if he was getting enough but then my milk came in. The bond of breastfeeding was amazing. My nipples had some pain from feeding but have already gotten themselves to pain free and I only had a couple feeds that started off sore but then I knew I had the latch wrong and tried again. They did scab a little and one bled at one point. If you can get through that you'll be over the worst of it IMO and experience.

My boobs got engorged one night but it wasn't sore. I've had one drip of leaking (literally) in the morning. I've breast fed with both my father and father in law in law room using a blanket to cover but find surprisingly that I don't really care who sees me feeding my child.

I've had a single beer a couple days already feeding (and a glass of champagne the day we got home to toast). I do it after he feeds and frankly, after eight months not drinking I have a hard time making it through a beer without feeling tipsy and don't feel like I'm deprived by not having more at all. By the time I want more booze, I'll be ready to pump and do that for him.

It hasn't all been sunshine but I've had a easy go and you might have the same, don't give up before you start. You can always make the switch if it's horrible for you.

 

[Sherah]

Wow! Thanks for the great responses. Feel a lot better that there are lots of you out there who were anxious too! None of my close friends have had children yet, me and my OH are the guinea pigs if you like! So I don't feel that I have anyone to discuss my concearned with. I don't really know any real life mums who have successfully breast fed.

At least now I know others struggle to succeed at it and worried about everything that comes with it too

I think I have seen a lot of very militant 'breast is best' posts which have me feel somewhat inadequate that I am not feeling as confident and natural about doing it as other mothers.

Thanks to everyone that has posted. I was told by someone at work that I'd have to carry on avoiding alcohol etc if I did decide to I for it. Knowing lots of you drink and Brest feed is a big weight off my mind.

I feel a lot more in the mind of giving it a go now. As I feel less like I would be a failure if I decided to back out if it turns out not to be for me.

I guess I just needed to hear that it's normal to worry, it's ok not to want to. It's ok to back out and other mothers tell me that it IS OK to say no.

Thanks ladies!

 

[MelliPaige]

My goal was to give it three months and if I'm still having problems I know I tried my best..I'm really glad I did because it was really hard at first...but now i love it so much and I can see myself nursing to 2 years.
Selfish reasons I breast feed:
Everyone wants to hold him and he gets overwhelmed all I have to do is nurse and he is back to his happy little self..so he cries less
I'm an introverted person so its nice when I feel overwhelmed and hes hungry...I just take him to a quiet room and let him nurse and by the time he's done I'm ready for company again.
I already feel much better post partum and have for a few weeks...my friends who formula fed were very surprised.
I'm already down to my pre-pregnancy weight and eat whatever I want as often as I'm hungry (which is a lot with my nursing) and I'm even down a pant size.
Recently he's gotten better at staying latched by himself so at night when he wakes up I latch him on and go back to sleep..
He's super attached to me..I can calm him down just by talking to him sometimes
I feel like super woman being able to keep him alive with just my body 40 weeks in and 6 more so far out.
So many more reasons..but my boy want to nurse now, so I get to go cuddle

 

[supertabby]

I think a lot of us had similar anxieties during our first pregnancies - I had them the second time too because I'd had lots of issues with bf with my eldest. I'd recommend giving it a try - you can quit anytime but you can't go back once your milk has dried up. However don't be made to feel guilty if you don't bf, yes it's best for immunity but formula isn't poison - it's a nutritious healthy alternative.

Re not having enough milk - it's very rare to genuinely not have enough milk but it's the most common reason for stopping bf. Newborns feed a LOT and mums sometimes think they're not providing enough milk because baby seems constantly hungry. But this constant feeding (cluster feeding) is normal and how baby gets your supply up. If you're armed with this knowledge now it'll give you a much better chance if success.

Engorgement and leaking - this only lasts a few weeks then your supply settles into it and your boobs feel more normal again. During those weeks you won't be feeling very glam anyway, bf or not, due to being tired and recovering etc, a bit of leaking won't make much difference. And breast pads keep it all discreet.

Size/shape of boobs - it's pregnancy that makes your boobs get bigger and later saggier so I'm afraid they'll change shape regardless. Breastfeeding will actually keep that "well rounded" pregnancy look going for longer!

Pain and cracked nipples - yes in the beginning it's sore but you get past this very quickly, a week or so maybe. Pain that lasts longer is most often down to tongue tie or thrush both of which are treatable.

Diet - some babies have allergies that affect what you can eat but for the majority of mums you can eat what you want. There's no dietry restrictions like in pregnancy - except for keeping caffeine and alcohol within sensible limits (see the current thread on this active in this bf forum)

Nursing in public - my biggest fear during pregnancy! But once you get into the swing of things it's really nothing scary. It takes a few goes to build your confidence, trying it out first in breastfeeding support groups, baby clinic, etc helps as lots of people are bf there so you don't feel like you stand out. I practised how to pull top up/down etc discreetly at home first and I used a scarf over me the first few times but now I don't need the scarf. Last weekend I sat on a bench in the sun at Chester Zoo feeding my 8 week old and admiring the animals, it was peaceful and empowering - at 2 weeks postpartum there's no way I could've done that. I'm glad I stuck with it (but I have no judgement on those who don't).

The above is all to explain the reality to some of your fears. It's not designed to persuade you/make you ferl guilty. Whatever you decide will be right for you - happy mummies help to get happy babies. Feel free to ask questions here or try attending a local breastfeeding support group (ask your midwife for details), I'm sure they'll be happy to answer questions antenatally.

 

[StephyB]

Thank you so much for posting this Sherah - as I too had the same feelings like you
And it was SO nice to read all the nice encouraging replies - because lots of time when people post this stuff it gets into a battle...

So thank you.....

 

[HopefulPony]

I would strongly urge you to try it. I felt the same as you when pregnant and now that I don't have the chance to nurse my son I grieve it deeply. Personally I felt this very strong biological pull to put him to the breast, even though I knew he wouldn't be able to feed.

Exclusively pumping is possible - I've done it for a year - but it's hard. It's very very hard. You can't just latch baby on or shake up a bottle of formula, you have to pump the milk first. If baby wakes up for a feed in the night and there's nothing in the fridge you have to sit there and pump or defrost a frozen bottle. You have to pump in the night even if your baby sleeps through. BUT it does mean you can breastfeed without a latch, which for me means formula isn't the only option but think very carefully about it, because if you start with bottles and change your mind it is very difficult to get a baby back to the breast.

 

[Sherah]

Thank you so much for posting this Sherah - as I too had the same feelings like you
And it was SO nice to read all the nice encouraging replies - because lots of time when people post this stuff it gets into a battle...

So thank you.....

I was worried that it may end up as a bit of a battle, but thought there have to be other women feeling like me out there! And thank goodness there are! I feel a lot less alone and that it's ok to feel like this about it. All the kind responses have really helped me relax about the whole matter!