Anxiety/baby blues?! Am I normal?!

[KittyCat82]

Hello ladies-I'm looking for some advice please....
To cut a long story short it took us 3 rounds ivf to have our DD (unexplained infertility) and my pregnancy was a bit up and down inc a big bleed at 10 weeks but for the last few weeks of pregnancy I felt fab.
Was supposed to have a hypnobirth but was rushed to theatre for an emergency c section as baby's heart rate started dropping. The procedure was ok but i lost quite a bit of blood so also severely aneamic. She is now 2 weeks old.

When I was in hosp I was on cloud nine and so was hubby but since getting home I've been becoming more anxious and upset. I have had mild anxiety issues before but nothing major. Anyway, I am breastfeeding and she is constantly feeding at the mo-I'm probably averaging 3 hrs sleep a night and maybe 1 in day if lucky.

My anxiety seems to be getting worse-I worry about the breastfeeding even tho midwife said its normal and she has put on good amt of weight. I have developed an irrational fear about SIDS and keep thinking about it and feeling scared and sad, even though we are doing everything recommended to reduce risk. I don't want to go out really in case something bad happens. I desperately want baby to sleep but am so scared when she does. I cry every day and dread the night time as hubby sleeps in spare room as he is back at work and I feel so lonely and tired. Contemplating giving formula at night just to get a few hours sleep for my sanity, but feel guilty about this. I am worried about falling asleep whilst feeding her though.

I feel totally overwhelmed with love for her and at same time wonder how I'll cope with worrying like this for her forever not wanting anything bad to happen to her.

I mentioned my anxiety to midwife but she said baby blues are completely normal and not to worry about it at this stage. I am completely exhausted and just want to feel normal again. I guess I just need some support-is this all normal or do I need to speak to midwife again? I am seeing her thurs.

I didn't think this stage would be easy but this has really hit me out of nowhere. Sorry for long post and any advice appreciated xxxx

 

[AmyB1978]

to you. Mention it to your midwife again. Perhaps the infertility coupled with the birth trauma and your history of anxiety has caused some anxiety/PTSD... There is also post partum anxiety disorder. It could just be new baby stress and lack of sleep but definitely mention it to your midwife.

I had a miscarriage followed by my daughter... Developed severe preeclampsia with her and had emer. C section at 34 weeks, followed by NICU. I too had previous anxiety issues... Nd have been attending a group for postpartum issues... I go back and forth with if I need medication too. It does get better...

 

[KittyCat82]

Thanks Amy-I appreciate your comment. I guess I'm just sad that I've waited so long for this and want to enjoy it so much but just can't quite at the moment. I just want to make it clear that its not that I don't feel grateful and lucky-it's almost like I feel too lucky and that it can't last if that makes sense...

Like you say it is anxiety rather than depression. I'll see how I am this week and talk to my midwife on thurs xx

 

[AmyB1978]

I definitely get it, and know that you are grateful, sorry if my post came across as if you aren't. It's easy to be grateful but anxious and the anxiety can cloud things. I think maybe we wanted them for so long and wanted them so much that we can't quite believe they are here and we are terrified of losing them

 

[KittyCat82]

I think that is exactly it! Thank you for your support and sorry your post didn't come across like that, I was just making it clear that its not that I'm not happy and so grateful she is here. I'll let you know how I get on with midwife xxx

 

[AmyB1978]

Good luck and dolet me know how you are doing.

 

[KittyCat82]

Thank you xx

 

[MrsEvans]

Huge hugs hon

so glad your baby was delivered safely and your home now.

To me what you've decribed does sound like its being heightened by sleep deprivation and if you think formula will help at night i think until you have a full supply, give it a go one night and see how you feel.

If you have a good supply of milk already consider expressing for the night feed.

Maybe your hubbie could do a feed at about 1am so you get abit of a longer rest until baby needs a top up.

Overall im sure you are doing a fab job and i think every new mum struggles for the first month, please talk to your midwife or reach out to your local NCT branch. theres always so many mothers in your area ready to help and visit you, if needed.

xxxxx