Anxious about feeding baby - first time mum

[xQuinnx]

Hello ladies
I'm currently pregnant with my first baby and although I've got a while before this will affect me I'm really anxious (and clueless) about how I'm going to feed my baby.

I like the idea of breast feeding for he benefits for baby, me, bonding etc but a big downside for me is that it means my husband won't be able to feed the baby. This is a really big thing for us, it seems really unfair on him that he can't bond in that way...that might sound silly but that's how I feel.

I've read a little about expressing but I can't get my head round it at the minute, lucky I've got time!

Have any or do any of you ladies feel like this? How did you get around it? Any advice or stories would be greatly appreciated, feeling a bit lost at the min :-/

 

[misspriss]

I didn't really feel that way. Humans are biologically designed for the mother to nurse the baby, so the idea that it was unfair to DH did not occur to me. There are plenty of ways for dads to bond with babies.

That being said, if it bothers you, you can always express and give a bottle every now and then. It's best to wait until at least 6 weeks so not to confuse the baby, AND so you don't mess up your supply early on.

I had to express while LO was in the NICU, but we didn't give bottles until I was going back to work at 12 weeks. If I could have stayed home, we probably would have not ever used bottles. We had problems with nipple confusion even at 12 weeks, although I have gathered it is not too common.

 

[staralfur]

There are plenty of other ways for your husband to bond with the baby, and to be perfectly honest, the novelty of feeding a baby wears off quick. When we were supplementing everyone wanted to feed my LO... for like a week. And then it was me that ended up giving the bottles along with nursing!

I'd suggest just nursing exclusively for the first few weeks and then expressing if your husband gets the craving to feed your LO. In the meantime he can bond by doing diaper changes, rocking to sleep, cuddles, etc.

 

[Lizzybee]

I felt the same as you. My mW said that as long as bf is established expressing is fine but to do it as well as nursing not instead of. OH gives the occasional bottle so I can go out etc but also in preparation for me going back to work. Bear in mind that your milk supply will increase doing this. As pp said some babies have nipple confusing but I was lucky and DS doesn't. They can have that too if you give them a pacifier!!
Also pp mentions other bonding ways. I found OH winding and bathing was good. Gave me a break and also allowed me to recover from my section.
Hope that helps

 

[FarmMom]

I never thought of it as dad missing out... More as him getting out of some of the work! The novelty does wear off pretty quickly. I started a bottle a day of expressed milk at 4 weeks (both the lactation consultant and local LLL leader said it was fine) for DH to give only because i've been dealing with thrush and i needed a break. We haven't had any nipple confusion. I'll be honest though - i hate pumping and find it to be a chore.

 

[luna_19]

I agree there are plenty of ways that dad can bond without feeding.

My advice is to read as much as possible about bf, attend classes if possible, LLL meetings. Go into it knowing that your body is designed to do this, it is very rare for someone not to be able to bf. Also that it can be hard in the beginning, harder than giving birth IMO! But so worth it if you stick with it. It will be your full time job in the beginning so be prepared to settle in and just feed that baby all day and night for the first bit. We watched a lot of TV in those early days

 

[JessesGirl29]

I borrowed a book done by LLL from my midwife's office called The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. It was extremely good for me as a FTM.

My OH gets up early so I would often feed Wes and pass him over to OH until he needed to eat again while I slept and they had uninterrupted bonding time.

 

[xQuinnx]

Thank you for all the advice. At the min I feel guilty no matter what I think about doing! Which is ridiculous but there you go. Planning to go to as many classes etc as I can.

How does everyone else's partners feel about breast feeding?

 

[leigh5tom]

My other half doesn't understand breastfeeding really. He thinks that because DS feeds very often still, he isn't getting enough, and therefore he needs formula. My dd was ff and I can tell he misses feeding ds. Also, he doesn't understand cluster feeds very well so thinks I'm just spoiling ds with constant boob. I think he thinks he's going to still be breastfeeding when he's 18 lol.
Xx

 

[misspriss]

I asked DH about it, he said there were many other options to bond besides feeding, lots of cuddles, diaper changes, etc. I asked him if I hadn't had to go back to work and he didn't have to bottle feed him (he has to, because I work) if he would feel like he was missing out. He assured me he would feel no such thing. He asked why I would ask such a thing, I told him women think more about these things, apparently men don't worry about them the slightest. At least not in hindsight, I wonder if I'd asked him earlier he might have had a different answer.

My husband is fine with me breastfeeding, it makes things easier. When we are together, feeding is super simple. When he is with the baby, no mixing or boiling or sterilizing or anything, just put the expressed milk in the bottle and warm if needed. When the baby is hurt or is sad, breastfeed. Won't sleep? Breastfeed. I'll be sad when he outgrows it!

 

[luna_19]

Yeah my dh didn't really understand at first why I had to feed so much and got mad that I could calm h with boob but he is fine with it now

 

[patch2006uk]

My husband is very proud that I've breastfed our boys. He understands the biology of it all, and was incredibly supportive when we had problems after our eldest was born. He's probably the reason that I stuck at it first time around. He bonds by giving baths, changing nappies, burping them, carrying them in slings, skin to skin and generally by being with them and holding them. Feeding is a big part of the early weeks, but it's not the only part.

Breastfeeding is worth doing. Even if you only do one feed, it's worth doing. Try it and see how things go. Know where support is if you need it. Don't think that it's always going to be how it is during the first few weeks!

 

[noon_child]

I like the idea of breast feeding for he benefits for baby, me, bonding etc but a big downside for me is that it means my husband won't be able to feed the baby. This is a really big thing for us, it seems really unfair on him that he can't bond in that way...that might sound silly but that's how I feel.

I did feel a bit sad because of that romaticised image of a baby looking lovingly up in to the eyes of whichever parent is feeding them, and wanted DH to have that. I just thought it would be better to wait till feeding was established before introducing a bottle *simple*....not!

As it was I had a hard time getting the latch right and quite a few of LO's feeds were syringe feeds, then we introduced a bottle around 2-3 weeks. It was surprising how quickly the novelty of DH feeding his child wore off, after a few weeks he stopped offering, and seeing as he NEVER woke up without me waking up first and shaking him awake it just became easier for me to do all night feeds (and it was better for my supply).

Plus LO never gazed in to the eyes of either of us while she fed - they were either closed or focused on the boob/bottle - that burst my romantic bubble !

IMO it isn't worth abandoning breastfeeding for what might turn out to only be a few weeks of your OH's enthusiasm and then you doing most of it for the next year or more!!!