Anxious, edgy and insecure!

[Marzipan_girl]

I can't shake this horrible feeling of being on edge all the time...it's horrible and I just can't relax. FOB and I aren't together but I hang out at his house alot at weekends and we have been trying to maintain a good friendship for the sake of LO...and little things like if he says the slightest thing negative about me or if he ignores me sends me off into a fit of tears!
I feel like I have no independence. I get the impression sometimes he doesn't want me there, even though we get on quite well...I guess because of past things like in early pregnancy when he broke up with me, and only kept in contact because he didn't want me to go after child support. He genuinely seems to care about our baby now, and says he cares about me too (just doesn't want to be in a relationship with me) but sometimes I just can't get over the past...
I feel like I want to kill him half the time and yet really love him the other half of the time. So much that the thought of leaving his house to go back to mine sets me off feeling anxious again!
I feel like this all the time. If he doesn't reply to my texts I get anxious untill he does. If he says he doesn't want me round I start crying. When he says he loves me and our son I feel so happy, but then he says he doesn't ever want to be WITH me and I burst into tears, because he's the father of my baby and it kills me that we can't all be together!

It wouldn't be so hard if I had a large support network of friends. But I don't--most of my friends abandoned me at the beginning (as he did untill I mentioned child support!) and so I'm now completely reliant on him. And it isn't healthy because I also HATE him for what he's done to me in the past, and I know we aren't going to be together.
I just can't really cope. A part of me knows this is hormone related...I just need to get my life back. But untill then, i'm in a very lonely place.

The anxiety is making me tense up and LO gets stressed out too...(I assume!).

I just feel so insecure...as my situation is so all over the place! I don't have a nest with my partner...I'm split between two houses at 19 without the support from FOB I need. And I can't blame him anymore, because as much as he was a twat at the beginning, he's now really trying to be a good father...

I'm sorry I just needed to get this out you know?

 

[LilMissBlonde]

Awwwwh chic you dont seem to be feelin too good do yah still love im maybe thats wats makin you feel like that when he says them kinda things to yah? i know if i was you i would wanna be a wee family with you him n the baby, haveyah tried talkin to him bout it all? remember the most important thing in yur life gonna be yur lil baba friends are never who yah think they are, i think every1 only has 1 friend in life that they cud trurely depend on xxx

 

[Desi's_lost]

Try to stay positive and remember a lot of your stronger emotions are probably just from the pregnancy.

 

[Lissa3120]

It'll get better I'm sure just stay positive, and think about when your baby is here... everything will change. Life will suddenly seem SO worth it.

 

[baby.moo]

Theres nothing you can really do to feel better because the hormones are making you so emotional.. Trust me I feel that way sometimes and I know its the hormones but it still feels like the end of the world.. Just try to think about the baby more instead of a relationship between you and your FOB.. who knows.. if you let the thought die down a little bit it might just happen once the baby actually is in the picture..

 

[miquelsmommy]

aww i wish i could qive u a biq huq ! i thouqht i ws the only one feelinq this way ! but honestly the only thinqs keepinq me sane is God, prayinq and thinkinq positive =] i wish u well and im sure thinqs will turn around if u truly want them to