any advice on coping and other situation?

[lauren89]

first of all, i'm new here. i needed some place to get my thoughts out, and came across this site.

at the end of july, I found out that I was about four weeks pregnant. I didn't go to a doctor at the time, so I don't know for sure. my mom found out and told me I needed to get an abortion. I am 18, was about to go off to college, and there didn't seem to be a way for me to go to college, pregnant, and give birth in april. I didn't really want to get the abortion, but it seemed what was best. Ironically the day before my appointment, I ended up having a miscarriage. It's been about a month since I miscarried, and now it seems all that I can think about. I keep thinking that it's somehow my fault that I miscarried, and I just feel so bad, and so alone. I know I have my boyfriend, but still, I am now at the university, living on campus, and I just feel that no one here understands what I am going through, though I haven't really told anyone but my room mate. And, now, more than ever, I want to be pregnant again, to have a baby with my boyfriend. My boyfriend told me that we could try and get pregnant, but I know that my parents and his would be so angry. I don't know what to do. Has this happened to anyone else who miscarried before? Any advice?

 

[NickyT75]

Hi hun

its perfectly natural to feel this way after a mc

it is a biological urge caused by your hormones but should settle down pretty soon.

You need to think very carefully about your individual circumstances before rushing into getting pregnant again tho im sorry to say this but if you didnt feel you were ready last time & were prepared to have a termination then it's probably not a good idea to get pregnant so soon afterwards.

whatever obstacles you faced last time will still be here & if your mom pressured you into your decision once, why would it be different this time?

you need to allow yourself some time to recover both physically & emotionally then reassess the situation a few months down the line when your hormones have settled down, this will allow you to see it from a more objective point of view & make a more informed decision.

Do you have somewhere to live? are you & your partner financially stable enough to bring a child into the world? do you both feel your relationship stable enough? etc...
If you & your other half consider these questions & still think its the right decision to have a baby then you could try speaking to your mom together as adults & tell her you have decided the time is right for you to TTC - this way she will see you have thought about it & not just acted on impulse & she will have more time to come to terms with your decision without having you spring the news of another pregnancy on her.

I hope things work out for the best for you hun xx

 

[Loo]

Hi Lauren

I think it feels like no one else understands (except the ladies on here) after a miscarriage. I have good friends but they just don't 'get it' and sometimes I want to talk about it and sometimes I don't (and I expect them to be mind readers and know which mood i am in!!). So thats totally normal to feel that way.

I agree with NickyT75, your body has an urge to replace your baby. My desire for a child is definitely stronger since being pregnant and losing my LO.

However, I think it would be sensible to allow yourself to grieve, heal both physically and mentally and then see where you are (we didnt try for a few months after finding out I had mc). THen if you do still want to have a baby I think Nickys idea of discussing it with your mum is a good idea. And if you dont want to get pregnant yet, at least you know you are young and still have plenty of fertile time ahead of you.

University is a wonderful time and opportunity to work out who you are (as well as work of course!!) and you can then make a rational decision based on you and your boyfriends thoughts, you plans for the future and your situtation (rather than based on your hormones).

I wish you all the best and promise you that although it feels awful at the moment, it does get better with time. xx