any christian SAHMs told they're foolish by others?

[gretavon]

So I. Was chatting in another forum and really got my feelings hurt because I was told over and over again divorce is so common and basically immanant that its foolish for the man to be the soul breadwinner because whats the woman to do when he leaves her and his kids? But because my husband and I christian (pentecostal) we both have always. Agreed marriage is sacrid and a divorce will never happen. It just is never an option. We have a great relationship and are constantly working on it and we completely trust eachother not because of how great we think the other is but because we love God and we would never want to dissapoint him. Anywho...does anybody get what Im saying? Does anybody else have the same outlook on marriage as we do? Do you believe divorce is bound to happen to us all and women should already be planning for it while still married? Any positive feedback would be deeply appreciated im quite hurt.

 

[lhancock90]

I don't believe divorce will happen to everyone, plenty of couples last! However i also think its foolish to expect it to never happen to you. Relationships and people change, whilst your religion influences how you feel about divorce, it can't stop it. That said, you and your husband are happy and fine, ignore anyone saying anything else and just be happy.

 

[Button#]

I'm not religious but my OH and I are pretty certain we would never divorce. We both talk a lot about our relationship and how we feel about it and each other. Despite this my OH has always made it clear that it's important to him that I am capable of walking away if I need to. Not that for one second either of us think he would be abusive it's important to him that if he were I could leave him. Because of that he was very keen for me to learn to drive, we have a joint mortgage and I have my own savings. I am a SAHM but if I needed to I could get back into work very quickly.

 

[MamaGA]

I'm constantly made to feel ridiculous for staying home with my children. I believe it is a choice to stay home, and I choose it. It is no one else's choice, its a decision you and your spouse make. Keep your head high and ignore rude comments.

 

[summer rain]

I'm not Christian but I've experience the same attitude xx

 

[RoseKitten]

I've been called a prostitute (you know, because all I do is have sex with my husband for his money...).

I've been told I'm "worthless" because the value of an individual is based solely on what their income is (never mind what it would cost to replace me, that's not important).

Some people are just bitter. The women that have called me the above have been through horrible divorces and lived sad lives. But, their way of coping is to make others feel as bad as they do. I've learned to just ignore it. *hugs*

 

[lynnikins]

people have expressed concern about my ability to be happy without the goals and pursuasions of a job and career outside the home.

My answer is that I chose this with my husband we don't believe that divorce is an option for us no matter how tough things get we find a way to work through our problems my husband is a child of a broken marriage and doesn't want that for our boys.
my Faith allows me to be happy in fullfilling the role of wife and mother within my home and as a friend and support to family and friends outside the home without the need of paid employment

 

[RoseKitten]

people have expressed concern about my ability to be happy without the goals and pursuasions of a job and career outside the home.

I've heard this before, too. It's as though being a wonderful wife and mother isn't a worthwhile pursuit? That's not to say that women who do work aren't wonderful wives and mothers, but that some of us truly enjoy being at home to care for our families, and are perfectly content with that being all we do.

 

[Angelbaby_01]

I was told so many times that I am foolish to stay at home and that I need to get a life. My life is my family. PERIOD.

Many of my friends are jealous because of the fact that I am able to look after my daughter. So nasty comments do follow. I have also been told that I drink tea and coffee with my friends on my husband's expense. Which is not true, I don't even go out that much to restaurants.

In the end we must move on. We are more priviliged and many of these woman long for their children at work. They only talk out of their own hurt.

 

[pvsmith12]

I am not exaggerating when I say my MIL (before DH & I tied the knot) told me to hyphenate my last name with his "so it's easier to go back to your maiden name when you split." I almost crapped my pants. Then when I went to get my drivers license re-done with my married name the lady doing it said "Give it about 20 years, then the maiden name will come back up." DH & I just looked at each other and sort of laughed. I think the problem with today's society is that most people view getting a divorce as something natural, like losing your baby teeth.

As for being a SAHM - people shouldn't be judging. It works for some families, and others not. I know, personally, I would love nothing more to be a SAHM when DH & I (finally) have a baby. For some it might be the only feasible option - once people take in to account the amount made for a paycheck, and then factor in what it would cost for travel, a babysitter, lunches to pack... I know people who would end up paying out more than they would make.

 

[babymonkey18]

gretavon,
I am not a SAHM (yet...I'm still in grad school, only a few weeks along with my first preg heh) but I am also a Christian and I agree completely with you on your views.

In our society (which is completely worldly), people treat marriage as if it is something you do for "happiness", and is typically ultimately selfish. In Christ, we know that marriage is to grow together and closer to Him! And to ultimately use it as another way to glorify Jesus, and practice sacrifice for one another as He did for us. Not that we aren't extremely in happy in marriage as well...but that's not the ultimate goal here (and not saying it is for everyone else, but it seems like for many people it is).

I am thankful for a sister in Christ, who has a DH who stands firm in her faith. Keep it up...there needs to be more Christians who represent Christianity as best as they can. Not saying we don't make mistakes or sin, but that we repent and give all glory to God.
Anyway, sorry to go off, I am passionate about Christ

I just wanted to encourage you and let you know you are not alone. My husband and I know that no matter what, divorce is not an option. Don't let people make you feel bad or belittle you. I have been laughed at and told I was naive as well...I just pray that these people are given faith and joy that only God can give them.

 

[Darlin65]

I am not exaggerating when I say my MIL (before DH & I tied the knot) told me to hyphenate my last name with his "so it's easier to go back to your maiden name when you split." I almost crapped my pants. Then when I went to get my drivers license re-done with my married name the lady doing it said "Give it about 20 years, then the maiden name will come back up." DH & I just looked at each other and sort of laughed. I think the problem with today's society is that most people view getting a divorce as something natural, like losing your baby teeth.
make.

I had to at this because the lady who did my nails for my wedding was like this! She told me about her horrible marriage (full rainbow of language included) and how she wasn't a slave and he should have done his own laundry dishes etc. That she wasn't his mom she was his wife... Let's just say she is now working on her second one and doesn't seem any more hopeful for it.

I have been a SAHM since December with my DS. OH had been laid off and I was working part time. He finally got a new job that supported us better than the unemployment (actually a very hard thing to do) but we are still struggling. I've always wanted to be a SAHM when we were in the right position financially but things change. One being that we can't afford daycare for me to work while DH goes to work and full time school. The other is that DS has a heart condition so it is very important we keep him away from sick kids/people. A simple cold could land him in the hospital because only one of his lungs is connected and functions.

I have always liked the idea of being a SAHM because I feel like it is the right thing to do for my husband and my children. It is my job as a wife and mother to take care of them and I believe the husband's job to provide and protect (even if I will go all crazy mama bear on somebody trying to hurt my kids ) I married into a catholic family. DH and I really don't practice and specific organized religion. We believe in being in good people based on the bible's teachings in general. I know his family thinks it is just horrific that I stay at home. They all are very successful and have fancy careers for the most part. One sil is in her 30's and already talking about retirement. I know this just by how they feel that DH is still not finished with his degree and how they treat him. I'm not going to lie, it is hard to go to family functions and to hear about all their accomplishments the past couple of months and for them to ask what's new. Esp. when all I can say is I found a new recipe or DS has a new tooth. But on the day to day I am happy for the most part. Would I like to have more accomplishments like a degree of some sort? Yes, I would. I don't think I would ever use it though. Even with a degree and the ability to go to work I would always choose to stay home and take care of my boys. It's a personal choice I think honestly. We don't say the d-word. We said til death do us part and we meant it. We've been together for over 7yrs continuously and none of that on a break nonsense. I think we can do it and I think you can too! Too many people accept failure as an option and I think when you make that a choice it becomes a main option or an easy out. We've had our miserable times but we always come back stronger

 

[Eternal]

I don't believe divorce is an impossibility, things happen, I don't think I could live with my husband if he were unfaithful to me or if he hit me. But we are sealed for time and all eternity, my religion believe we can stay married after death, we have a separate ceremony for that. So I expect to be with him forever.

As for being a SAHM it's our choice but ultimately my choice, if I wanted to work he wouldn't stop me, if I could earn what he does and I wanted to he would stay home and allow me to be the breadwinner, although I'm sure he prefers to be the one earning and the higher earner but still he would switch roles if it were an option.

 

[blessedmomma]

gretavon,
I am not a SAHM (yet...I'm still in grad school, only a few weeks along with my first preg heh) but I am also a Christian and I agree completely with you on your views.

In our society (which is completely worldly), people treat marriage as if it is something you do for "happiness", and is typically ultimately selfish. In Christ, we know that marriage is to grow together and closer to Him! And to ultimately use it as another way to glorify Jesus, and practice sacrifice for one another as He did for us. Not that we aren't extremely in happy in marriage as well...but that's not the ultimate goal here (and not saying it is for everyone else, but it seems like for many people it is).

I am thankful for a sister in Christ, who has a DH who stands firm in her faith. Keep it up...there needs to be more Christians who represent Christianity as best as they can. Not saying we don't make mistakes or sin, but that we repent and give all glory to God.
Anyway, sorry to go off, I am passionate about Christ

I just wanted to encourage you and let you know you are not alone. My husband and I know that no matter what, divorce is not an option. Don't let people make you feel bad or belittle you. I have been laughed at and told I was naive as well...I just pray that these people are given faith and joy that only God can give them.

wss exactly. the devil will always attack you when you live your life for Christ. be prepared for the battle against your marriage and family. keep your armor on. stay strong. ephesians 6:10-18

 

[Hannahboo]

Mathew 10: 1-9. Divorces is unritious according to the Lord Jesus Christ. I know what you are talking about and we have many people also talk Down to us because we are going to homeschool our children (haven't started yet because age) and they tell us that they aren't going to learn anything and are gonna be anti social blah blah blah.., but it's just because they have been desensitized and have worldly standards rather that upright righteous standards. We do not believe divorce is an option because there is healing in the blood of Christ and once your married you become one when your marriage body is sick or damaged Lord God can heal that body.
(not trying to step on toes or offend anyone I just felt lead by the spirit to post these words) we are ment to be as an encouragement, uplifting and glad tidings for our brothers an sister in Christ so I am saying to you- do NOT listen to those obscene words that some may try to speak on you. Have joy in the lord know that if God is truely number one in both you and your husbands life that the enemy cannot destroy your marriage.

 

[Mangoes]

I'm not Christian, I'm a Muslim woman and I've been told the same thing essentially. That I would be throwing away my college education, my life just to stay home and care for my children. The only sound advice about it I've ever gotten was from my mom would told me that being a SAHM would be a sacrifice since we would be giving up an income, other than that she's perfectly okay with the idea.

I have to deal with so many nasty opinions from others though, who keep telling me I'll have to work after the baby is born, and try to interfere into me and my husband's plans. Sigh.

 

[misspriss]

I work, you aren't missing out on any fulfillment....I really want to be a SAHM though, it's what I'm working towards. I have not encountered this attitude in real life, but I live in a pretty conservative area I guess. I'm Catholic, so divorce is not an option save abuse or infidelity. No one has dared suggest we will probably be divorced in a few years. Of course, both of our parents are still together, well, my dad is widowed, but that's different. I guess expectations are different based on what you have been through.

 

[lynnikins]

I have been a stay at home mum for 5 1/2 years but need to get back working before this baby because of my husband leaving work to do an Internship at our Church which will make it hard for him to hold a job. Not the greatest of timing to find out I'm expecting but none the less God has it under control and will sort it out for us