Any married ladies that dislike new surname?? (long)

[Pandora11]

....because i don't like mine and have no clue if i should do something about it.

When we were getting married i didn't really consider the idea that i had an option, all i really thought about was the getting married part and that i would be rid of the surname that was the only thing that linked me to my abusive parents iykwim?

Anyway, DHs surname is fine and i like it, just not with my name. i don't want to say on here what it is ,but it doesn't sound good with my name. it's short and easy to say but it doesn't roll off the tongue easy in the way that it almosts sounds like one word. Like my first name blends into my surname. people always say 'what' or 'can you repeat/spell it for me'. but i mostly don't like the sound of it and it really doesn't sound like it's my name. people have laughed even ILs about the sound of it.

i also think of 'Mrs whatever' as Mil not me, and the surname to be DH's, i thought that probably everyone felt this way and i just wasn't used to it and i'd get over it, but after a year, i am used to it and respond to it but don't like it. i see it everywhere, my appointments, my online banking, my study stuff and it annoys me.

Soo, i was thinking about double barreling(after knowing some other couple that did it, i never thought to before) the name to stretch it out so it doesn't have the silly ring to it. i was trying to use my middle name before, but nowhere calls out your middle name at appointments or on forms so it didn't work.

i also can't use my maiden name with DH's because it sounds as stupid (like a comic book super hero name) and i obviously want rid of it for above reasons. i was thinking about using my 'mothers' maiden name because there was at least good people in that family etc etc and it sounds ok. but i haven't seriously thought about changing, just... wondering.

Anyway, i light heartedly asked DH what he thought of me changing mine (he knows i don't like it and as most people agree that it sounds funny. he also usually doesn't care about details such as these) i wasn't asking if he would change his name to a double barrel etc just throwing ideas around, thinking out loud, like how it would work for future kids. And to point out, he hadn't seemed bothered that i took his name in the first place when we were getting married.

In my eyes i either keep DH's surname and dislike it until the day i die or,
take a double barrel surname and be unhappy that DH won't share the same as me and most likely future kids wouldn't either.

still at this point it was lighthearted non serious conversation but DH got really touchy and started getting annoyed at me and said i was backing him into a corner. i told him i wasn't looking for answers or commiting him to an idea, just wanted to hear his thoughts like i'd ask a friend but he blew up at me and said that he is the last of his family, that he needs to carry on the family name and that it is HIS name and his IDENTITY.

firstly, he isn't the last, he has a cousin with the surname and our kids would mostly likely still have his name as the double barell would end in his name and there was no talk of his name being removed, only a name added and most likely just for me, and this is about my identity too...i'm confused. i want us all to have the same name but was willing to make the sacrifice and be the odd one out so i can not feel silly ever time i tell someone my name and have the urge to run after them and explain that it's my married name!

This must sound really childish but it really bothers me. Anyone else? Will i get used to it and learn to like it? i don't want to change it 5years into marriage or after ttc...i dunno what to do, all i know is that DH isn't willing to add anything to his name because HIS identity is important.

 

[~RedLily~]

I think if you are really unhappy with your name you should change it. I get that DH might not be overly happy about it but you have to consider your name and your identity as well. It's not fair that you should feel awkward everytime your name is said.

I am probably not the best person to answer this because I have no intention of taking my husbands name (when I meet him ) and any children we have will not automatically take his name.

 

[beetroot]

If it's the sound of your name with your surname you don't like but you don't mind your husbands name, just double barrel your name, let him keep his name and make sure you pick names for your children that sound good with hubby's surname. You will still have the same name as them but a little addition to make it sound better to you.
Maybe, giving it a little time you will get used to it (although MIL laughing isn't going to help! )
I'm not married so have a different name to OH and our children have both our names cos I wouldn't change my name if we ever got married or I would double barrel, but it was very important to both of us that the kids had our name, so kids are double barrelled!

 

[x__amour]

I would double barrel it, I think that's more than fair.

I am the opposite. I hated my maiden name (Maher, pronounced "Mar"). People were constantly mispronouncing it, couldn't spell it, etc. My married name is much nicer, simple, and flows so much better.

 

[minties]

Double barreling sounds like a great compromise to me. I hate my last name, MacWhirter, I wish I could change to OH's but we don't want to get married. I get called 'micferta' all the time!

 

[katherinegrey]

I hate my married name, no baby names went with it, it has too many 'l's and always gets mispronounced and spelled wrongly. My DH was absolutely adamant that the baby had his name though, and I was adamant we all had the same name so double barreling wasn't much of a choice for me. But if it is for you then that's definitely the road I would go down.

 

[Rachel_C]

Instead of hyphenating and creating a sort of hybrid of your husband's name, why not just add an extra last name to yours before his (no hyphen)? As long as the addition is obviously a surname and you always write your surname as both names, you would be called Mrs Smith Jones everywhere and he would be Mr Jones, as would your kids. You'd have the same last last name so you would still be the Jones Family, but when you're on your own you're not stuck with a name you don't like.

 

[Eternal]

I don't dislike my married name, but it's a pain as it no one can spell or pronounce it, my maiden name was a run of the mill surname that everyone could spell lol.

I wouldn't want to change my surname, I like it's fairly unique and it makes us family but whenever I order take aways we use my midden name. Lol.

If it doesn't sound right in your case I'd double barrel it, especially off it's short, for me it would just complicate it more and as I say I like mine just don't like having to spell it lot every time and even then people mishear as they don't expect it to spell like that so I have to phonetically! Argh.

 

[Mummy Bean]

I dont like either my maiden name or my married name. But it was important for me, for us to all have the same surname as i feel that huge part of me.

But if it more then just a dislike to the name and it actually upsetting you then double barreling or a double surname are both good ideas if you can find a name that goes well with his.