Any of your OH's upset you stopped BFing?

[Dukechick]

I've been pumping since week 1 because Cameron was dehydrated because I wasn't making enough, so I've been feeding him both formula and pumped breastmilk.

I've about had enough!!! He's almost 4 months, and I don't think I could take it anymore. I'm even taking pills to increase my milk flow, but I'm still not making enough to cut out formula. It feels like all I'm doing is pumping, and washing my pumps. 4 months of that is a milestone if you ask me!!!

I was scared to bring it up to my DH about quitting pumping, and just doing formula, and I finally told him today. He told me it's because I wasn't doing it every single time I fed him, and that's why I'm not making enough. I tried that, I'm over that. I'm just sick of doing it!!! I think 4 months of breastmilk is as much as I could do.

Am I wrong for wanting to quit pumping? Anyone else ever have a confrontation about switching from BF to FF??

Thanks

 

[Blondie2008]

Hi,

I had this problem although i hadnt been b'feeding as long as you have. I think you've done really well.
I decided that i didnt like it and didnt want to do it anymore and my husband was very disappointed. He said that he just wanted the best start for our little girl and that just made me feel so bad
But the thing is that i was SO down and stressed about it. When i finally decided to quit i felt much happier. My husband wasnt happy for a few days but he soon got over it.

I hope you work things out in the end xx

 

[Dukechick]

Thank you so much, that's totally what I think is going to happen.

I am down, and stressed about it too, but I know I'll feel better in the long run,

Thanks so much

 

[mama2b]

Im still combined feeding (Although only one bf a day now) When I first started cutting down on bf my OH was a bit put out and I think he would have liked me to carry on exclusively bf for a lot longer but he was supportive.

In all honesty Im sure his negativity about bottle feeding is more to do with him having to help wash & sterilise bottles and give the odd feed.

Maybe you could compromise by continuing to express but for less feeds ? Then slowly decrease from there on.

 

[Vici]

I managed pumping for 6 weeks and by then i'd had enough! Like you I felt that all i was doing was feeding, pumping or washing my pump!! I also couldn't keep up with Imi (admittedly I didn't pump after every feed during night as she'd take 1 hr to feed, then i'd settle her into bed, then have to pump for 40 mins!!!)

I'd tell him to sod off i'm afraid, he obviously has no idea how hard it is, how tiring it is and how its making you feel. I found it very hard to switch to formula and I felt very guilty (sometimes still do) but for my own sanity I had to. Now it feels like it was the best thing for us and DF is very supportive thankfully as happy mummy = happy baby xx

 

[NoSpringChick]

I think youve done EXTREMELY well dukechick!
If you want to stop now no one can say you havnt given him a bloody good start to life

btw my huisband seemed to be over the moon when i stopped after 3 days cos then he got to take over. I dont think i'll ever get over how i felt - it wasnt nice, but i was kind of made to feel like i was starving her, Midwife said it was probably best cos of the painkillers i was on and then any feeding conversations I was exluded,so I would have loved to have done as long as you have.

 

[tmr1234]

i pumped for 3 weeks and i just could cope with it i was falling in to bad pmd and was crying all the time i didnt have time for my older son i told oh and he seid but its the best thing for baby and you dont have any thing else to do and if it was him he would do it. he almost got punched men dont understand every thing we do and what we go throw coz they dnt need to do it if you feel you wnt to stop then do so for you a happy mummy makes a happy baby

 

[Dukechick]

ARGH!!!!! I'm so upset!!!

I brought it up again with DH about stopping the pumping, because I had a beer, and I was dumping the stuff that I pumped. He asked me why, and I said cuz I didn't feel comfortable giving it to him. Then I brought up the fact that I'm not going to pump forever, and I want to stop when he's 4 months (coming up in 2 weeks). He THEN proceeded to say:

"Motherhood is supposed to be tough"

and

"Breast feeding is CRITICAL in the first 6 months"

OH MY GOD!!!!! That's NOT what I wanted to hear from my husband!!!!! Now, he's making me feel even MORE guilty than I was before!!!!!

Then he asked me 'don't you want what's BEST for our baby'.

I'm so mad right now

 

[AP]

Your first post sounds like i could have written it two weeks ago.

I had been expressing for 15 weeks and I just couldnt take any more. You're getting upset now, which isnt going to help the let down. Its not making you happy anymore.

I was the same, and i was spending all my time, feeding, pumping, taht I never got myself fed, dressed, anything! I couldnt go out, it was becoming a nightmare. i was on the pills too.

Your OH should be far more supportive. my OH was always proud that I was expressing but he seen how down I was getting and agreed with me. It sounds like you are only doing it for HIM now!

If you want to stop, dont feel guilty, you gave Cameron the best start!! You're doing nothing wrong!

If your OH isnt going to listen you can always stop taking the pills and do everything to get your supply to dwindle.......sneaky, but I would personally!

Or just chuck the pills and pump at him, tell him to do it! !

 

[Pessimistic]

Actually well done to you for coming that far, I managed about a month of pumping then quit. It was a hard decision but it all got too much. I suffer from depression anyway and sitting in another room pumping for about an hour or so away from my little girl while her daddy was holding her etc was not helping it. All I was doing was pumping, washing the pump, sterilizing, pumping again. Not getting dressed, washing piling up, no time for LO, no time for fuck all. Baring in mind it does not get easier as the food amounts increase. Fortunately my OH was understanding and so it helped a lot in my decision to stop but honestly if I wouldn't have I would not have bonded with my girl properly and would have most probably been even more depressed.
It took me a long time to stop being upset and feeling guilty about stopping because of the amount of hassle I got from my doctor about breast milk is vital etc was extremely hard on me and made me feel incapable of providing my daughter with 'the best start'. Tbh I just don't friggin care now, my daughter has had the best start and at least I tried. Also she is very happy and I spend all my time with her now, she has my attention 24/7 so surely this is the best thing rather than me being an unhappy mum and depressed.

Btw ask your OH to bloody sit down and pump at his nipples for over an hour about 4 times/6 times a day, along with the washing and sterilizing. I'm sure he would change his mind soon enough.
It is up to you what you do, as long as your LO is fed what does he care. I think you've done brilliantly and don't deserve any judgment from anyone.

 

[AP]

I agree with Pessimistic.

besides I'd rather have a clean and tidy house now, the place was turning into a shithole

 

[Vickie]

well done you for pumping as long as you have It can't be easy!

Honestly I think your OH is completely out of line. It's you not him who is having to commit to the pumping and you've done a wonderful job keeping it up for this long. If you feel ready to quit you should be able to, with a clear conscience and without him pressuring you like that

 

[Dukechick]

Thanks so much ladies. I appreciate all your comments, very much

I think I'm going to try to do it until he's 4 months (Nov 4th), then stop taking the pills, and start pumping less, and gradually stop. I hate the guilty feeling SO much, but I can see that all mom's who are switching over to 100% FF go through the same thing.

Thanks so much for ALL your support with this, you're all so wonderful

 

[embojet]

I think you have done really well, you should be proud. It's your decision to make. Obviously its his child too, but he isnt the one who has to pump. I pumped exclusively at first (didnt manage as long as you). I really struggled and it made me really unhappy. I wish I had stopped sooner.

 

[cheeselover]

Oh my God just found this and it is my story! - replied to your other post Dukechick.
I have been second guessing myself with my decision to stop.
DH has been offering his bf/breast milk pearls of wisdom constantly eg. 'breast is best' etc. and has even started quoting research he finds on the internet.
A few nights ago he even told me 'that his ex wife found it very natural'....for the love of God!!!! I almost karate chopped him.
As I told him last night this does not make me a bad mother. I pumped through PND, an international move and I have flat nipples - I have done an amazing job.
Thank you ladies I feel much better for reading this
X

 

[littlekitten8]

Oh hun thats just awful. You have done an absolutely AMAZING job pumping for 4 months! I breastfed James for 12 days and then my milk dried up and he got dehydrated so I had to put him on formula. He is now much more content and I am so much happier as I now have more energy (lost alot of blood at delivery and breastfeeding was totally draining me) so I can actually spend more time with him. Luckily OH was a total sweetie and said it was my decision and that he was proud of me for giving him a good start. I still feel a bit guilty for doing it and think maybe I should have just used formula to supplement but he was really fussing at the breast and getting frustrated. I hope your OH comes round and if not I would just lob something at his head lol.

 

[Sherileigh]

Maybe others will disagree with me...but I honestly don't think it's anybodies business but yours what you do!! I can just about guarantee if it were men that had to do this, no baby would get breast milk!! I pump exclusively and of course know how sh*tty it is....I'm getting so tired of it now as well. You do what's best for you and tell him to shut it! lol

 

[Lottie86]

I think I'm going to try to do it until he's 4 months (Nov 4th), then stop taking the pills, and start pumping less, and gradually stop.

I think 4 months of exclusive expressing is something you should be amazingly proud of and if your OH can't see that then and prefers to concentrate on the fact that you are stopping then that's his problem. You've given your baby the best start you could and now it's time for you to take back some happiness for yourself. I know how hard and horrible it is to exclusively pump (I *hate* it) so I want to send you a big

 

[dali]

hun, i know breast is best and all that.... actually dont bite my head off im all for breast feeding but personally for various reasons i chose not to. although breast is more natural and of course has everything your baby needs in it, so does formula. my lo was ff from birth and he has always been a strong healthy baby with a great immune system.
it is far more important that your baby has a happy mummy and it sounds as if you are probably begining to hate the pumping etc... more each time you do it, which is not a desirable situation for youor you baby.
you have bf for 4 months , that is great, i know there is so much pressure out there to do it alrready you dont need to be getting the lecture from your hubby too. he needs to realise how unhappy you are and support you. infact it is likely that your stress is adding to the lack of milk problem anyway so forcing it wont help.
have a proper talk with him about it ( maybe with your HV present aswell , so he can hear that you baby will do fine on formula and how well you have done for getting as far as you have) without arguing tell him how upset you are that he is pressuring you ( he may not reallise how much he is upsetting you)
i hope he comes to his senses hun. you need to do what is best for you and your baby which is what will make you both happy.
well done for bfing for 4 months btw , you are right that is a mile stone especially if you have been pumping alot too