Any other PND mums?

[hapi2bhealthy]

Just having a shit time of it right now and feeling like the crappiest mum ever.

I have no idea what my baby wants most of the time, and although I'm TRYING to get a sleep routine going nothing works because she's either to young to get it or I'm just doing it wrong.

I can't decide on how to put her to sleep, and so have been letting her cry for 2 mins at a time and still, 3 weeks on, it hurts my heart so bad every time. But I can't spend hours rocking her, and don't want her to need me to sleep.

I am arguing with my hubby about it a lot.

I feel anxious about the baby hating me for letting her cry and feel like she smiles so much more for everyone else. I even made her cry in fear once because I was so frustrated with her I yelled at her. What a crap mum I've turned out to be so far.

I feel guilty all the time for yelling at her and getting angry with her, and worry that if she's not being stimulated all the time she will end up dumb or something.

I want her to be older, or different. And then I feel guilty for wanting that. I cry a lot and have no support from anyone who matters to me, because they probably think I'm parenting her wrong. Which makes me feel like I am and they will be all "I told you so" in a few months.

I'm tired but I can't sleep.

How do others cope with PND? Any good suggestions?

 

[Noelle610]

Hi there! I suffered from PND for 7 months until I got help, with many of the feelings you describe. I finally got on some good medication and see a therapist every 2 weeks and I feel like a new woman. I highly recommend setting up an appointment with your OBGYN or GP.

Onto sleep... Which is vital for mental health! At least maximizing your sleep and your babies sleep as much as possible in those early days. How does she nap during the day? What time do you put her to bed at night? Where does she sleep? How do you soothe her? At 2 months old, I wouldn't let her cry for any amount of time simply because she won't "get it". She isn't capable of self soothing.

I remember feeling like I had to play with my newborn all the time, too! Looking back, I wish I had just enjoyed the cuddles. They're really content just to be with you.

 

[cbass929]

I am going through PND. Mine got to the point that if I didn't go to te dr for help my marriage was going to be destroyed. I didn't let myself get to the point of having bad thoughts or not wanting to do anything with my baby or anything. But from the lack of sleep, LO crying all the time, having my dad and brother staying here, trying to balance everyday life - my kids - and my hubby was hard. I was crying everyday. I wasn't eating at all, I went 2 days and only ate a Special K bar and that's it.
I was ok one second and grumpy the next then crying. I tried to handle it myself and try to just pray and talk myself through it and becuase I did t know anyone to know I was suffering I ended up hitting rock bottom and I got up the next morning and went to the dr. They have me this stuff called ViiBryd, I'm not one at all to take medicine. When I get a headache I usually let it get so bad I can't think before taking something but I just knew I couldn't handle it alone anymore and had to do some for my kids, my hubby and most of all myself!! It doesn't make me feel funny at all I can't even tell I take it besides I not a emotional wreck, I have really good happy dad and I'm able to enough my 6 week old baby boy!!
Not sure how old your LO is but it's hard to get a routine for the first several months. If your LO is to young it might be to early to try to enforce any kind of routine. My LO is almost 6 weeks old and did not sleep harder at all until the last couple days. He was such a light sleeper but he has horrible gas, acid reflux, and a little but of colic. After putting him on a third formula a few days ago he's a total different baby!! But he slept with me every night in my arms, it was the only way half the time we would get any sleep! I was concerned it would cause issues the older he gets with him always wanting to sleep with me but the pediatrician said that you can't spoil a baby until 3-4 months old becuase in those first couple months the baby is still trying to get use to being in the world rather then in the womb so it's normal for them to cry becuase they are alone and stop when being held because they want to be with someone.

Hang in there. I personally would suggest calling you doctor. I would have never recommended that before but I did and I'm doing great now! Im able to enjoy life!

 

[hapi2bhealthy]

Hi there! I suffered from PND for 7 months until I got help, with many of the feelings you describe. I finally got on some good medication and see a therapist every 2 weeks and I feel like a new woman. I highly recommend setting up an appointment with your OBGYN or GP.

Onto sleep... Which is vital for mental health! At least maximizing your sleep and your babies sleep as much as possible in those early days. How does she nap during the day? What time do you put her to bed at night? Where does she sleep? How do you soothe her? At 2 months old, I wouldn't let her cry for any amount of time simply because she won't "get it". She isn't capable of self soothing.

I remember feeling like I had to play with my newborn all the time, too! Looking back, I wish I had just enjoyed the cuddles. They're really content just to be with you.

My baby's name is Charlotte too

She used to sleep really well overnight, from 7-4:30am, but since her shots last week she's been waking at 12am, then 3am, then 6am, and fussing a lot inbetween. Don't know what they did to her but she's not sleeping as well. She only sleeps max 45mins unless in the Ergo during the day, it's depressing me even more. I have had to let her cry because I felt I would hurt her, after spending hours and hours trying to resettle her I just couldn't handle it anymore.

I have a counselling session tomorrow, am not keen on taking any drugs, I feel like I should be able to work it all out myself.

I dont know where all this came from though, my job is working with children and for many years I worked with babies and loved every second. So I feel like a failure so far.

 

[MLC20]

I have been borderline since bubs was 8 weeks old and it took me 7 months to get help also. I have been attending counselling for the last few weeks and it seems to be working. You need to find a few minutes each day to do something for you. I have started at the gym now lo is older and I feel comfortable leaving her in the crèche. On the days I don't go I walk down to the shops and buy a nice cup of coffee and sometimes a treat. This is what we have discussed so far in counselling. Don't leave it as long as I did I feel like I have missed so much good stuff.

 

[Noelle610]

Hi there! I suffered from PND for 7 months until I got help, with many of the feelings you describe. I finally got on some good medication and see a therapist every 2 weeks and I feel like a new woman. I highly recommend setting up an appointment with your OBGYN or GP.

Onto sleep... Which is vital for mental health! At least maximizing your sleep and your babies sleep as much as possible in those early days. How does she nap during the day? What time do you put her to bed at night? Where does she sleep? How do you soothe her? At 2 months old, I wouldn't let her cry for any amount of time simply because she won't "get it". She isn't capable of self soothing.

I remember feeling like I had to play with my newborn all the time, too! Looking back, I wish I had just enjoyed the cuddles. They're really content just to be with you.

My baby's name is Charlotte too

She used to sleep really well overnight, from 7-4:30am, but since her shots last week she's been waking at 12am, then 3am, then 6am, and fussing a lot inbetween. Don't know what they did to her but she's not sleeping as well. She only sleeps max 45mins unless in the Ergo during the day, it's depressing me even more. I have had to let her cry because I felt I would hurt her, after spending hours and hours trying to resettle her I just couldn't handle it anymore.

I have a counselling session tomorrow, am not keen on taking any drugs, I feel like I should be able to work it all out myself.

I dont know where all this came from though, my job is working with children and for many years I worked with babies and loved every second. So I feel like a failure so far.

Aww big hugs. Honestly, I didn't want to take meds either, but I'm so glad I did. Just have an open mind when you speak with the counselor.

You did the right thing by leaving her if you felt you might hurt her. I think most of us have been there, so don't be too hard on yourself. Shots can certainly mess with sleep, but waking as she's doing is actually well within the normal range for a baby that age. It will pass, I promise! I suggest going to bed very early so that you can catch some sleep during her longest stretch, even if that means 7pm.

The nap thing is just hard at this age. Around 6 months we started getting two very consistent longer naps, but until then it was a huge pain the butt. Would she sleep in a swing?

 

[babyhopes2010]

Its good u have recognised pnd i was in denile until she was 5months.

it turned into servere pnd and i thought about taking my own life.I didnt believe in taking tablets
and thought depression was something people made up that were lazy
they put me on sertaline and things have i improved altho iv come bk off them due to being pregnant which has swayed my moods hugely.

my daughter has been v hard work since she was born. id say she moans 80% of the time,drives me crazy

im just praying that she will be lil better before newborn arrives.


depression is a real illness. if u had something wrong with ur heart u wouldnt refuse meds.
so why is it such a stigma if u take anti dep x

 

[hapi2bhealthy]

Had a whole day to myself and was feeling so much better! I had my counselling session and was given a few little things to start with trying. We are also booked into sleep school here.

But then it took 1.5 hrs to get bubs to sleep tonight while my husband was out, and I ended up yelling at her "STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP!! STOP!! STOP!!" Which of course made everything worse because she's so tiny all she sees is a scary mean lady.

So I had to let her cry herself to sleep again, which breaks me heart and I also feel like complete shit that I cracked again. Poor little thing deserves someone better with more patience than me. </3

I hate myself sometimes!

 

[Noelle610]

Had a whole day to myself and was feeling so much better! I had my counselling session and was given a few little things to start with trying. We are also booked into sleep school here.

But then it took 1.5 hrs to get bubs to sleep tonight while my husband was out, and I ended up yelling at her "STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP!! STOP!! STOP!!" Which of course made everything worse because she's so tiny all she sees is a scary mean lady.

So I had to let her cry herself to sleep again, which breaks me heart and I also feel like complete shit that I cracked again. Poor little thing deserves someone better with more patience than me. </3

I hate myself sometimes!

I'm so glad you are getting help for yourself!

The sleep school sounds promising. When my LO was about 5 months and sleeping terribly, I spoke with a sleep coach and it was really helpful. It didn't even really improve her sleep, but I got some great coping skills and just the reassurance that what we were going through was very normal.

I'm guilty of shouting. I'll never forget being on maternity leave and screaming at my daughter, "What do you want?!!!!". She has reflux and colic and I just didn't know how to soothe her sometimes. These early days are tough. They do pass.

 

[hapi2bhealthy]

Yes my little Charlotte had colic and reflux: she is now on Zantac and soy formula, it's helped a lot. The yelling is so bad, better than shaking though...?

We had a better day today, I find her easier to deal with when we are OUT most of the day because I am busy so not trying to settle her all day. She really doesn't sleep in the car, pram, cot (during the day), only in the Ergo...the car and pram will only do one sleep cycle MAX and she will still cry and cry and cry until she falls asleep. The Ergo is the ONLY place she will just drift off peacefully. Everywhere else is an absolute battle to get her down. She has NEVER, EVER in her WHOLE LIFE just drifted off to sleep anywhere bu in a carrier...not even in her first few days of life did she drift off. It's mental.

 

[babyhopes2010]

Yes my little Charlotte had colic and reflux: she is now on Zantac and soy formula, it's helped a lot. The yelling is so bad, better than shaking though...?

We had a better day today, I find her easier to deal with when we are OUT most of the day because I am busy so not trying to settle her all day. She really doesn't sleep in the car, pram, cot (during the day), only in the Ergo...the car and pram will only do one sleep cycle MAX and she will still cry and cry and cry until she falls asleep. The Ergo is the ONLY place she will just drift off peacefully. Everywhere else is an absolute battle to get her down. She has NEVER, EVER in her WHOLE LIFE just drifted off to sleep anywhere bu in a carrier...not even in her first few days of life did she drift off. It's mental.

This will pass. did u ever get tummy ache n heartburn really bad, well some babies feel like that constantly they dont know how to soothe themselves. freya is teethimg-bk teeth this time. i get fustrated with her but i need to remind myself how sore and cranky i was when my wisdom tooth was forcing itself thru. if u feel like yelling i just put her upstairs and leave her for a bit so i can refocus but ur LO is still very young so i wouldnt suggest that.

freya at 3-4 months id put her in living room safe on a playmat. make a cup of tea sit in the garden or put music on have a cuppa tea then go bk in. it made such a difference.

 

[aliss]

I coped by going out daily, even if he screamed and puked. He puked on someone once at a pita shop If people stared, I just said "oh, he has colic". A lot of older people actually understood