Any pregnant military wives?

[WanaBaba]

Hi ladies
I'm just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat as me. Im around 5 weeks pregnant and my hubby is in the army. He has just been told he will be going away when I am 6 months and he could be away for up to 9 months!! (It was originally 3 months but we didn't know when)
I'm really panacking wondering how I will cope, we've just moved to a different country from our family so there will be no one here to help and its likely ill be having a c section so I'm not sure how that's gonna work!
Just wondering if anyone else has had to go through this and how you coped? Thankyou x

 

[Lozb]

Not preg but oh is in the navy. See if he can have special Lee way and needs to be home. Maybe when u get it confirmed that u need a c section he might have better chance at staying. Lucky navy r pretty good at these things but I know (grew up as a padsbrat) the army can be a nightmare.
Totally feel for u big hugs sweetie xxx

 

[WanaBaba]

Not preg but oh is in the navy. See if he can have special Lee way and needs to be home. Maybe when u get it confirmed that u need a c section he might have better chance at staying. Lucky navy r pretty good at these things but I know (grew up as a padsbrat) the army can be a nightmare.
Totally feel for u big hugs sweetie xxx

Thanks hun, we've only been here a few weeks so I'm still getting used to it but already I'm feeling asthought it's gonna be so hard and lonely
Hubby is actually wanting to go as that's what he joined up for he says! And I could just about handle the 3 months but 9 months without him being pregnant and then with a newborn, the thought of it really scares me! Im hoping they will atleast let him home for the birth though!
Ive now just realised he won't be here for he first scan either as he will be away excercise the whole of that month

 

[Lozb]

We are strong military wives/girlfriends and its us who do all the hard work. Totally understand about this is what he joined for. Have u any family that can come over a live with u for a while just till Ur settled. R u in Germany? Wud totally love to help ya. Get yaself to all the kiddies things find a good network of ladies they r brilliant at helping x
My other half is penciled for the Falklands Jan 2015, he wants to wait few more years for our first (already have his dsughger ), hoping to get preg and give birth before then but doubt it.

 

[KimmyLou]

I'm a wife and too used to being alone unfortunately. If there is nothing that the army can do to keep him home. You would be able to transfer your care back to the nhs and possibly stay with family so you won't have to be alone? I know it doesn't solve anything tho. Xx

 

[WanaBaba]

We are strong military wives/girlfriends and its us who do all the hard work. Totally understand about this is what he joined for. Have u any family that can come over a live with u for a while just till Ur settled. R u in Germany? Wud totally love to help ya. Get yaself to all the kiddies things find a good network of ladies they r brilliant at helping x
My other half is penciled for the Falklands Jan 2015, he wants to wait few more years for our first (already have his dsughger ), hoping to get preg and give birth before then but doubt it.

Yeah we are in Germany. Haven't really got any family that could come stay with me as they all work etc. Yeah I've been trying to find out what's on etc but every time I go over to the hive it's closed! But I did see a sign up on the door there for a toddler group so took lo there and found out there is also one on on Wednesdays too so going to go there next week. I am hoping to meet new friends but I find it hard talking to people as in quite shy and never know what to say!
Yeah I was the same I wanted to get pregnant and give birth before hubby went away but it took us 6 months this time round to get pregnant. I'm glad I was able to get pregnant before he goes though rather having to wait another year or so! I hope you get your bfp very soon too hun xx

 

[WanaBaba]

I'm a wife and too used to being alone unfortunately. If there is nothing that the army can do to keep him home. You would be able to transfer your care back to the nhs and possibly stay with family so you won't have to be alone? I know it doesn't solve anything tho. Xx

Unfortunately not as we wouldn't have anywhere to live while we were there. Family just wouldn't have the room for us and also my lo will be starting school soon so I wouldn't want to get her settled here then have to move her, not even sure if I could do that with schools xx

 

[Lozb]

Where in Germany hun? Might know some people.

 

[KimmyLou]

Aw no. Is there anyone who would come over to stay in the later stages. Also welfare may be able to help in some way. Xx

 

[Mrs. Vet]

Where in Germany hun? Might know some people.

Popping over from TTC to second the question. I am not pregnant yet but my DH is a US Army vet so I can somewhat relate.

I think the British Army is mostly in northern Germany so it might be near where I live!

Feel free to message me if you want to chat!

 

[tddunn]

My husband is a marine and I was in the navy but finished my enlistment 3 years ago. We are expecting our first in the middle of him transferring to the army. We will be moving possibly when I would be 5 months along. I'm nervous about switching doctors. My husband is very good about helping me out with the doctors and stuff. I guess its easier for us since I have been in his position before and I know what it is like to be tied to a job. I also know that without this job we wouldn't have the amazing benefits we have so I try to support him and it makes it easier on us borh

 

[WanaBaba]

We are in paderborn. Thanks ladies.
Kimmylou I'm not sure, I am hoping they will atleast let hubby home for the birth but if not I suppose I would have to try and get a family member over to look after dd as if I have a cesarian I will be in for a few days!

 

[Mrs. Vet]

We are in paderborn. Thanks ladies.
Kimmylou I'm not sure, I am hoping they will atleast let hubby home for the birth but if not I suppose I would have to try and get a family member over to look after dd as if I have a cesarian I will be in for a few days!

That is almost 3 hours from us Was hoping you might be closer..
I really hope he can come home for the birth!

 

[Pearls18]

Hi lovely, I know the RAF, and I'm sure the army are similar, are pretty good at sending the fellas home when baby is born when you already have a child, it isn't a given right if it is your first but they should send him home to help look after your older one. Also, the military usually from the cases I know automatically give 6 weeks off to the fella if you've had a c section again to help you look after the kiddies after surgery, not so much for the nostalgic just had a baby thing lol. Add into the mix you're in Germany I would be very surprised if welfare didn't support this case, because I'm assuming your c section would be planned it would be relatively easy to get him back in time or pretty close to the day.

I would get onto welfare ASAP, just be warned it may end up in them not sending him at all, hubby has missed a few good opportunities because I have been pregnant and it's been easier for them not to send him at all than have a welfare headache, my hubby like yours would itch to go out it's what he's signed up for and there's been one obstacle after another, I know it's nothing personal that he wants to go especially with afghan winding down so I can relate hun, not wanting them to go because it's a logistical night more (more so for you in Germany ) but not wanting to stand in the way of their career either! Hopefully he can get a balance between his superiors and welfare to get him home for the 6 weeks but still have some time out there?

 

[pinkhope]

Hello I am married to a soldier in the Army as well. He may end up away for a big portion of my pregnancy, and honestly, it's going to suck but I'll deal! He was deployed for 9 months this past year and as hard as it was, I grew and changed in ways that I REALLY needed. I am more independent, have more of my "own" things going on, and appreciate him being around 10x more than I did before he deployed. So, yes, it will suck, but you can do it and will be a stronger mommy in the end for it!

We are strong military wives/girlfriends and its us who do all the hard work.

We do NOT do all the "hard work". I really feel it's really best that wives do not get into this mindset. The things our husband do to protect our country and our families is ten times harder than we could begin to imagine. Remember, they are missing their families just as much if not more than we at home are. At least we get to stay in our homes, in comfortable surroundings, etc... I don't mean to be offensive but I really hate hearing that we do the work. We miss our soldiers, have some more responsibilities at home, and that is all. The best way to get through a deployment is think of each day as being one more closer to the day he comes home. Have a positive attitude instead of a "it's so hard" attitude and the deployments really will fly by.

 

[WanaBaba]

Hi lovely, I know the RAF, and I'm sure the army are similar, are pretty good at sending the fellas home when baby is born when you already have a child, it isn't a given right if it is your first but they should send him home to help look after your older one. Also, the military usually from the cases I know automatically give 6 weeks off to the fella if you've had a c section again to help you look after the kiddies after surgery, not so much for the nostalgic just had a baby thing lol. Add into the mix you're in Germany I would be very surprised if welfare didn't support this case, because I'm assuming your c section would be planned it would be relatively easy to get him back in time or pretty close to the day.

I would get onto welfare ASAP, just be warned it may end up in them not sending him at all, hubby has missed a few good opportunities because I have been pregnant and it's been easier for them not to send him at all than have a welfare headache, my hubby like yours would itch to go out it's what he's signed up for and there's been one obstacle after another, I know it's nothing personal that he wants to go especially with afghan winding down so I can relate hun, not wanting them to go because it's a logistical night more (more so for you in Germany ) but not wanting to stand in the way of their career either! Hopefully he can get a balance between his superiors and welfare to get him home for the 6 weeks but still have some time out there?

Hi Hun
I would feel awful if hubby wasn't able to go because I know he really wants to. I would worry incase he resented us Really hoping he can go but still get home!
Ah that's great about 6 weeks I was expecting a week or two at most! It makes everything so much harder being in a different county from our family xx

 

[WanaBaba]

Hello I am married to a soldier in the Army as well. He may end up away for a big portion of my pregnancy, and honestly, it's going to suck but I'll deal! He was deployed for 9 months this past year and as hard as it was, I grew and changed in ways that I REALLY needed. I am more independent, have more of my "own" things going on, and appreciate him being around 10x more than I did before he deployed. So, yes, it will suck, but you can do it and will be a stronger mommy in the end for it!

We are strong military wives/girlfriends and its us who do all the hard work.

We do NOT do all the "hard work". I really feel it's really best that wives do not get into this mindset. The things our husband do to protect our country and our families is ten times harder than we could begin to imagine. Remember, they are missing their families just as much if not more than we at home are. At least we get to stay in our homes, in comfortable surroundings, etc... I don't mean to be offensive but I really hate hearing that we do the work. We miss our soldiers, have some more responsibilities at home, and that is all. The best way to get through a deployment is think of each day as being one more closer to the day he comes home. Have a positive attitude instead of a "it's so hard" attitude and the deployments really will fly by.

Will this be your first LO or do you have others? I do think I could probably cope more if this was my first but most of the worry is not being able to cope on my own with a toddler and being pregnant. We are in a different country from our family so I really don't know who would look after our LO while I had the baby. And I'll more than likely be having a cesarean so I will be in hospital for a few days, this is one of my biggest worries.

 

[Pearls18]

Hi lovely, I know the RAF, and I'm sure the army are similar, are pretty good at sending the fellas home when baby is born when you already have a child, it isn't a given right if it is your first but they should send him home to help look after your older one. Also, the military usually from the cases I know automatically give 6 weeks off to the fella if you've had a c section again to help you look after the kiddies after surgery, not so much for the nostalgic just had a baby thing lol. Add into the mix you're in Germany I would be very surprised if welfare didn't support this case, because I'm assuming your c section would be planned it would be relatively easy to get him back in time or pretty close to the day.

I would get onto welfare ASAP, just be warned it may end up in them not sending him at all, hubby has missed a few good opportunities because I have been pregnant and it's been easier for them not to send him at all than have a welfare headache, my hubby like yours would itch to go out it's what he's signed up for and there's been one obstacle after another, I know it's nothing personal that he wants to go especially with afghan winding down so I can relate hun, not wanting them to go because it's a logistical night more (more so for you in Germany ) but not wanting to stand in the way of their career either! Hopefully he can get a balance between his superiors and welfare to get him home for the 6 weeks but still have some time out there?

Hi Hun
I would feel awful if hubby wasn't able to go because I know he really wants to. I would worry incase he resented us Really hoping he can go but still get home!
Ah that's great about 6 weeks I was expecting a week or two at most! It makes everything so much harder being in a different county from our family xx

To be fair to them for all their faults the procedure for maternity is pretty good, granted it's better if you're married (we didn't get treated well with DS when we weren't married) and if they are needed elsewhere and it's very important then as you know we aren't prioritised, but they get 2 weeks off full pay, DH will probably be on Xmas leave when it happens but they will give him the 2 weeks off and then whatever is left of the Xmas leave after, and as I say if I were to need a c section I know it is 6 weeks and they get full pay for that, not many jobs can boast that but then I guess they have to be mindful a lot of us are away from families. They're not as lenient when it's a first child if there was deployment or something important, but they will try pretty hard with subsequent children. So with your circumstances I would be amazed if welfare didn't step in, but yeah not sure where that would leave the deployment if he really wanted to go. It's so dependent on trade etc. But the sooner they know the sooner they can plan.

 

[daddiesgift]

I may have missed this, what countries military? My husband is in the US army. We moved to Germany in July, I fell pregnant in December he deployed January came home that December! So I know all about pregnancy alone in another country and raising a newborn alone, well first three months of his life. We had already done year deployments so I was pretty prepared for that one. But I'll say its really not that bad. Being pregnant alone in another country gave me things to do besides count down him coming home. I was worried he'd miss birth but he made it and left at three days old. That's when it became rough but again it gave me a reason to keep my days full and days went by fast! If he's in the US army 9 month deployments do not get R&R. That was the trade off with this new rule. You had 12 months deployments with R&R now you deploy 9 months no R&R. It sucks but three months early is nice!

I hope they can work something out for you and I say this with the most care.. The military does not make exceptions for family issues. If every man went and said I can't go wife is pregnant then five guys would be deploying I learned our first year of marriage "if the army wanted soldiers to have a wife they'd issue them one". They are family friendly but overall the military will always come first I had pre term labor, bed rest ect and sent a Red Cross message for OH and all I got was he can't leave and the company sent me flowers

Don't worry yourself till you know for sure and remember you are strong and can do it! We are in similar boat this time. I'm due in may OH due to deploy in.. You guessed it.. May. Only way it won't happen is of they follow through with our move in June. Which is stressful as well as I'm due may 28 or new duty station June 16! So ill be moving with two toddlers and an infant or two toddlers and huge pregnant.

Got to love the military!

 

[Pearls18]

I may have missed this, what countries military? My husband is in the US army. We moved to Germany in July, I fell pregnant in December he deployed January came home that December! So I know all about pregnancy alone in another country and raising a newborn alone, well first three months of his life. We had already done year deployments so I was pretty prepared for that one. But I'll say its really not that bad. Being pregnant alone in another country gave me things to do besides count down him coming home. I was worried he'd miss birth but he made it and left at three days old. That's when it became rough but again it gave me a reason to keep my days full and days went by fast! If he's in the US army 9 month deployments do not get R&R. That was the trade off with this new rule. You had 12 months deployments with R&R now you deploy 9 months no R&R. It sucks but three months early is nice!

I hope they can work something out for you and I say this with the most care.. The military does not make exceptions for family issues. If every man went and said I can't go wife is pregnant then five guys would be deploying I learned our first year of marriage "if the army wanted soldiers to have a wife they'd issue them one". They are family friendly but overall the military will always come first I had pre term labor, bed rest ect and sent a Red Cross message for OH and all I got was he can't leave and the company sent me flowers

Don't worry yourself till you know for sure and remember you are strong and can do it! We are in similar boat this time. I'm due in may OH due to deploy in.. You guessed it.. May. Only way it won't happen is of they follow through with our move in June. Which is stressful as well as I'm due may 28 or new duty station June 16! So ill be moving with two toddlers and an infant or two toddlers and huge pregnant.

Got to love the military!

She's British military and we do have a welfare system that will account for pregnancy, I am a military wife and my husband has been declined deployment to Afghanistan and the humanitarian effort in the Philippines because I am pregnant (although ironically we would have liked him to go!!!!!) but that was because they were able to, obviously the war in afghan is very different for the British military ATM and my husband's unit wasn't needed all at once so they can pick and choose who needs to go, as a wife you do have to learn that the military comes first no matter what but thankfully at the moment the military hasn't needed to be so demanding here and they are pretty good in situations like this, but we know it is always subject to change. So hopefully the OP will get the compromise of her hubby home when she needs him but that he can go back, they have a strong welfare case. They do often fly dads home for labour but it's often not in time for obvious reasons! It will also massively vary by trade of course as well.