Any sleep experts?

[Kathleen]

We have shot ourselves well and truelly in the foot! (I say we, but it's me)

LO is 22 weeks and exclusively BF, I've also made the mistake of being a human dummy and he uses me as a sleep aid.

We also cosleep, wasn't planned but he outgrew his basket quickly. As OH works past LO bedtime it's my job to get him to bed.

It means that he doesn't settle for OH to the point where he gets so distressed he looses his voice and struggles to breathe

My biggest worry is that I start work in 3 weeks and that involves night shifts!!!! Eeeek!

We're moving him to his own room this weekend but any tips? How do I get the boob off his mind!? ...LO not OH :-D

 

[booflebump]

https://www.anotherbun.co.uk/2016/01/your-sleepless-nights-are-not-your-fault.html

Does he take a bottle of expressed milk? If not, that's what you're going to have to work on before you go back on to nights

 

[staralfur]

My LO wouldn't settle for anyone else until I went back to school/work. At that point she realized she didn't really have a choice and my mom (who watched her during the day) and my DH both found their own ways to soothe her. She was still all about me/the boob when I was home but I didn't mind.

Your LO will adjust, I don't think you need to take any drastic measures beforehand. Nothing wrong with letting a small baby comfort suck and be soothed to sleep.

 

[icklemonster]

Driving in the car, or putting LO in a sling/wrap and bouncing might help your OH (or whoever is caring for him) get him to sleep in the early days.

 

[topsy]

We used a sleeping bag once LO was in his own room just to make him feel more snuggled in bed and maybe a muslin cloth that smells of you will help. xxxx

 

[noon_child]

It's going to be a big transition to move to his own room and be settled by something other than breastfeeding, and to go to sleep without you there.

I don't think you have done anything wrong (you and your baby are designed to be together and function as a unit. This is only a "problem" because in your situation you have to go back to work, but it is extremely normal for babies to only have attachment to one care giver at that age. It also sounds like your OH isn't associated with sleep at all as he isn't in the house when you settle LO.

Is there any way your OH could finish work earlier to be home when you are putting LO to bed for a few weeks? Would he consider co-sleeping with LO?

I think as well as getting baby on board you need to make sure your OH feels empowered about being a Dad. Allowed to make choices within a parenting framework you both agree. I.e if you agree babies cry because they need you to respond to a need, then Dad is allowed to respond to that need however he feels it best (cuddling, singing, sleeping on the floor, playing music), that he won't feel like he will be criticised for his choices. Otherwise you may find he's ringing you every 2minutes asking what he "should" do!

 

[laura109]

White noise? Weve used it from birth with our lg and she sleeps best with it on. Could be worth a try with a muslin cloth that smells like you? Xx

 

[MindUtopia]

It's going to be a big transition to move to his own room and be settled by something other than breastfeeding, and to go to sleep without you there.

I don't think you have done anything wrong (you and your baby are designed to be together and function as a unit. This is only a "problem" because in your situation you have to go back to work, but it is extremely normal for babies to only have attachment to one care giver at that age. It also sounds like your OH isn't associated with sleep at all as he isn't in the house when you settle LO.

Is there any way your OH could finish work earlier to be home when you are putting LO to bed for a few weeks? Would he consider co-sleeping with LO?

I think as well as getting baby on board you need to make sure your OH feels empowered about being a Dad. Allowed to make choices within a parenting framework you both agree. I.e if you agree babies cry because they need you to respond to a need, then Dad is allowed to respond to that need however he feels it best (cuddling, singing, sleeping on the floor, playing music), that he won't feel like he will be criticised for his choices. Otherwise you may find he's ringing you every 2minutes asking what he "should" do!

I would say exactly this. Everything you've done so far sounds perfectly normal to me. It's exactly what we did, though by 22 weeks, I was no longer BF. But my daughter always fed to sleep and we co-slept and at that age, only I ever put her to sleep, and that all worked perfectly well (and we got loads more sleep than it seemed like other people did, so I wasn't complaining!). Your partner will need to figure out his own approach and what works best for the two of them, and that will just take time and building his confidence. My daughter dropped the feeding to sleep on her own, probably around that age or a little bit later. We continued to co-sleep (by choice, not because there was no other way, it's just what we always planned to do) and when my husband came to do bedtime, he fed her and laid down with her and held her hand just like always had. It was different and it took some adjustment, but he was perfectly fine at it. I do agree that it might be a lot to expect all these changes and to expect her to move to her own room. There's no reason not to try it. If she's one of those babies that miraculously sleeps all night because she's in her room and can't smell you, then great! But when I went back to work, was also working long days, getting up at 5am and sometimes not home til 9pm, at least one night a week, sleep was the most important thing. And we all got less of it when we tried to sleep separately. So if it turns out you sleep better all together, keep doing it. There's no reason to refuse to do something that's working great. When she's ready to be more independent, she will be and you can transition then while still getting plenty of sleep.