Any1 with children already any advice on interfering mothers?

[Mantha]

This is my first baby, im really looking forward to his arrival. But my step mother seems to have it in her head that im just an incubator and that im having my son for her, the closer it gets the more its gets me down. Im not sure how to deal with her, i just want her to back off big time. I dont want to hurt her feelings though. But i know that when he arrives shes just going to be obsessed n try taking over n make me feel like his not my child.

Has anyone else ever had an interfering mum or someone thats tried taking over when ur child was born and if so how did u deal with her? Any answers would really be appreciated as its just ruining things for me and i feel like im not going to be able to enjoy him when he gets here xxx

 

[SilasLove]

I have learned that what they are saying now, and what actually happens, are definitely two different things. My mother was always saying things about when my son was born - but once he was here most of that stuff never happened.

She says things about my daughter too - like how she will always be staying with grandma and blah blah. My family has always had a favortism for girls - and I am sorry to tell her but my daughter wont be staying with her grandmother unless her brother is invited over as well. End of story. Either way - once baby is here it will be much easier to respond to unwanted things. I promise. Plus, its easier to react because you are able to see what they are wanting.

 

[mystika802]

i think as long as you have children people will be telling you how to do things, sometimes you just have to nod and do it your own way anyway, I usually say things like "I prefer to do it like this...." or "thanks for the advice, ill take it into consideration"
its hard not to hurt peoples feelings, I have a mother in law that is super over bearing, usually I just do it whatever way I want no matter what she says and she gets the hint :s

 

[PrayinForBaby]

my step mom and my hubby's step mom are both this way. my step mom actually made the comment "you didnt have her just for you and nate, shes ours too" which I almost lost it on, and then nate's step mom even went as far as asking me at the hospital if she could watch me breastfeed. So i know all about it, but surprisingly since I've had her, they are very cautious and make sure to ask me things before they do them with little one and if i have set any boundaries they respect them. Biggest thing is that you cant be afraid to be vocal about your opinion. If you've never been a confrontational person (which I've always been very brash and never piped quiet) but you will find that after you give birth its very easy to make your opinion known. After all, its not for you anymore, everything you do is for you baby and if you feel one way about it let it be known...and if people dont respect it, then they don't need to be involved.

 

[MrsNovBaby]

Sorry, can't help but sending hugs xx Might have this problem with my mum, but will cross that bridge when we come to it xx

 

[Mantha]

i really hope she calms down when his born. I can just see myself exploding at her lol shes said to me that im carrying him for her n blah blah blah, but things like that really get to me. To me his mine and his fathers not everyone else's, an grandparents are grandparents end of it doesnt give them the right to tell u how to bring your child up is that just me or do others think the same? I was really quiet before and would just grin n bear it but now ive just saying what i think, think i can be a bit nasty sometimes now though as its getting to me that much. But no matter what she starts with something else lol shes unbelievable xxx

 

[mommy2baby2]

My parents get like this. It drives me CRAZY! I usually end up snapping and telling them to back off because they are MY children. They raised their kids and if they want parenting responsibilities again, they need to go have another child...

Usually it comes down to differences in parenting or discipline styles. They assume because they are the grandparents, that they can step in and do/say as they please which is definitely not always the case.

So I know you want to be nice to your mom but you need to be firm. Overall she is just trying to help but when/if she does cross the line you need to be able to tell her to stop otherwise you will forever be battling.

 

[DottyLottie]

Gawwd my mother was AWFUL, she is still pretty bad, but nowhere near as bad as when I had my first two kids, I was much younger then and she really took the pee.
I remember one occasion, she was panicking over my daughter having a cold, we had been to doctors only day before and was told she was on mend didn't need antibiotics etc, my mum just wouldn't have it, accused me of LYING about going to the doctors, and told me if I didn't look after my daughter she would take her off me, omg did I blow my top, I remember screaming at her that she is not a doll she bought me for christmas and to back.right.off.bitch. She never threatened anything stupid like that again! I still feel furious about it now. It was hard being a younger mother, because I didn't have the maturity or confidence to always fight my own corner, I look back now and feel quite resentful at how interfering and downright rude and disrespectful my mum was.

Honestly though, some mothers and mils are overbearing, you have to learn to tactfully lay down your own law, don't be bullied, and trust in thine ownself. Don't be afraid to tell them to back off when you need space, and remind them that its your baby and your rules!

 

[linsayp]

Yes I have this problem unfortunately.. Nothing I can do about it, I'm just snappy & then everyone thinks I'm a bitch. I'm sick of everyone thinking that even though I'm his mum, I don't matter. Apparently I have no idea of how to look after a baby so people just criticize everything I do. I don't like how people constantly override my authority too - drives me up the wall when people think liam is theirs not mine & make decisions on my behalf. Long story short I'm not sure there's much you can do without having an argument x

 

[Didz]

I can sympathies with you on this one. My MiL is a nightmare. She's forever around our house, telling me how to raise LO, telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing, having sly digs at me in front of people etc. My OH has told me to tell her to get stuff but I can't bring myself to do it. At the moment he's keeping an ear out for her doing it when she thinks no one is listening.........which is a hell of a lot.
If we lay down rules for my LO she'll break them and think they don't apply to her. I've put down a ban on people visiting and calling between 7.30pm and 8.30pm as that's the time my daughter settles to go to sleep. My MiL and BiL ALWAYS turn up at our house unannounced at that time. We've reinforced that rule now because it was getting beyond a joke. They'd wake LO up and she'd be awake all night after they'd left. If we told them to leave her in her seat to settle down, they'd take her out and play with her etc. Because I'm pregnant again I find it a lot easier to tell her to get lost and do as we ask. I've warned her that she'll not be allowed around this house full stop if she doesn't change the way she is with me, my OH And our LO. She seems to think that nothing applies to her and that she's the better parent. My OH tells her she's not the better parent at all because our LO isn't hers and that her youngest son is a spoiled kid. If he doesn't get his own way he'll kick and scream and he's 12. He'll say nasty things to people for no reason etc yet she thinks he's perfect and that my LO should be like him. Not a chance!