Anyone else dealing with birth not going how you wanted?

[GingerPanda]

I have been put on Zoloft as of Monday.

 

[SoupDragon]

I was aiming for a waterbirth or at least a birth assisted only by gas & air. When I got to the hospital at 3cm dilated, I was told my LO was 'large for dates' despite being assured by my midwife and obstetrician just a few days before that baby was 'about 8lb'. I dilated slowly, but within acceptable limits, but the gas and air made me lose control and I literally did not have a clue what was going on. I was unable to stand for any length of time as I'd wanted to, but the pain was so intense I felt I couldn't cope without the g&a. Eventually, after declining once, I had pethidine, and was obviously then just laid on the bed totally spaced out. I got stuck at 6cm for pretty much a whole day, and baby had swelling on her head. They transferred me to the consultant unit, broke my waters, and stuck in an epidural and a syntocinon drip. In the early evening, I was checked and found to be 9cm, but then after shift change, was checked again and my cervix had swelled up, taking me back to 6cm. I went for an emergency section after being bullied into it by a registrar. Found out later that she'd been back-to-back and was definitely large-for-dates, at 10lb 2oz.

After the birth, I tried to breastfeed and DD wouldn't latch. They made a massive fuss about her blood sugar, and cup-fed her formula while we tried to establish bf. Her blood sugar stabilised, and then they started fussing about how much weight she was losing, and started pushing the formula really hard. Turns out they transposed two digits of her weight in her notes and she'd actually lost a grand total of only 4oz. She never really managed to latch unless a midwife was there to stuff her onto my boob, and they just said she was 'lazy', even though she was screaming and frantic trying to latch, so when we came home I started pumping and kept it up for just over a year, plus giving her top-ups of formula as I never managed to pump enough to meet her demand. Found out at an appointment with a private LC when she was 2 months old that she has a posterior tongue tie that was preventing her latching.

I still feel like a total failure. I had a debrief but didn't get any answers from it as to why I had all these interventions when I was contracting properly and dilating adequately if a bit slowly. Next time I want a vbac with nothing, not even gas & air. I'll be on the GD diet from conception, as they think I had undiagnosed GD which led to her being macrosomic.

 

[tallybee]

Thanks for sharing SoupDragon. I know what you mean about feeling a failure but to me it sounds like you did perfectly well but been failed shockingly by those in charge of your care.

Ginger how are you feeling I the Zoloft? Xx

 

[GingerPanda]

Much better, actually!

 

[tallybee]

Glad to hear it Hun

 

[phantomfaery1]

I know how you feel hun I had an induction at 37 weeks turn into an emcs, and it was only a month ago.

 

[phantomfaery1]

I still get moments when I feel overwhelmed and sad x if you need a chat im here x

 

[tallybee]

Thanks Hun it's hard isn't it xx

 

[phantomfaery1]

Have you spok to your health visitor about how you feel, they really help mine referred me to the traumatic birth group at local hospital

 

[loeylo]

Hey ladies, mind if I join? My little girl is 6 weeks old and I am still feeling a lot of disappointment about her birth.

I had been to hypnobirthing classes and was really keen to have my own music playing, dimmed lighting, freedom to walk around and eat/drink as I wished, and to use gas and air and the pool, with an epidural as the last resort. I didn't want any interventions unless it was necessary for the health of either of us.

Unfortunately, my birth was almost the polar opposite from this.

I had weekly visits to hospital for monitoring towards the end of my pregnancy. It was decided to give me weekly sweeps from 38 weeks with a view to induce me at 40w. I reluctantly agreed o the sweep because I wanted to avoid induction. At 38 and 39 weeks the sweep couldn't be performed, on my due date they managed to do the sweep but they decided to induce me the following day anyway. I had the pessary inserted at 10am and the contractions started within about 20 minutes. The midwife assured me that it wasn't contractions, it was just cramps as it would probably take 24 hours. We decided to be a bit naughty and go to a nearby snack van for lunch. My OH went to order an I started having horrific contractions almost non stop, so we headed back and they agreed to give me paracetamol (now I know that the pain was way beyond what paracetamol could manage!) - the woman came with my lunch and by this point I was rolling around in constant agony, she sent for a midwife but they didn't believe me as I only had the pessary for two and a half hours, they sent a student in who felt my stomach for 10 minutes and sure enough I was having 5 moderate - strong contractions in 10 minutes, so they agreed to give me dihydrocodiene which made me really sick instantly, so try gave me gas and air and I was a different lady! I also had the birthing ball. By about 5pm the pain peaked again and a midwife examined me, I was o my 2cm but having 7 contractions in 10 minutes. By this point there were two midwives in the room at all times, I got diamorphine about 10pm and was still being really sick, they put the baby on monitors and she was in distress (probably because I was only getting less than 30 seconds between contractions) so it was decided that I would get a c section.

The c section itself was as to be expected, didn't get to see her for 10 minutes, didn't get skin to skin, despite her apgar scores being 9 and 9 so there was really no need for any further intervention.
I didn't even open my hospital bag with music etc! It was intensely painful from the very start and everything which I wanted to avoid.

 

[tallybee]

Have you spok to your health visitor about how you feel, they really help mine referred me to the traumatic birth group at local hospital

That's a good idea, I never knew there were traumatic birth groups! Thanks

Hey ladies, mind if I join? My little girl is 6 weeks old and I am still feeling a lot of disappointment about her birth.

I had been to hypnobirthing classes and was really keen to have my own music playing, dimmed lighting, freedom to walk around and eat/drink as I wished, and to use gas and air and the pool, with an epidural as the last resort. I didn't want any interventions unless it was necessary for the health of either of us.

Unfortunately, my birth was almost the polar opposite from this.

I had weekly visits to hospital for monitoring towards the end of my pregnancy. It was decided to give me weekly sweeps from 38 weeks with a view to induce me at 40w. I reluctantly agreed o the sweep because I wanted to avoid induction. At 38 and 39 weeks the sweep couldn't be performed, on my due date they managed to do the sweep but they decided to induce me the following day anyway. I had the pessary inserted at 10am and the contractions started within about 20 minutes. The midwife assured me that it wasn't contractions, it was just cramps as it would probably take 24 hours. We decided to be a bit naughty and go to a nearby snack van for lunch. My OH went to order an I started having horrific contractions almost non stop, so we headed back and they agreed to give me paracetamol (now I know that the pain was way beyond what paracetamol could manage!) - the woman came with my lunch and by this point I was rolling around in constant agony, she sent for a midwife but they didn't believe me as I only had the pessary for two and a half hours, they sent a student in who felt my stomach for 10 minutes and sure enough I was having 5 moderate - strong contractions in 10 minutes, so they agreed to give me dihydrocodiene which made me really sick instantly, so try gave me gas and air and I was a different lady! I also had the birthing ball. By about 5pm the pain peaked again and a midwife examined me, I was o my 2cm but having 7 contractions in 10 minutes. By this point there were two midwives in the room at all times, I got diamorphine about 10pm and was still being really sick, they put the baby on monitors and she was in distress (probably because I was only getting less than 30 seconds between contractions) so it was decided that I would get a c section.

The c section itself was as to be expected, didn't get to see her for 10 minutes, didn't get skin to skin, despite her apgar scores being 9 and 9 so there was really no need for any further intervention.
I didn't even open my hospital bag with music etc! It was intensely painful from the very start and everything which I wanted to avoid.

Hi hun thanks for sharing your story, congrats on your wee girl. I hope your recovery is good from the section

It's hard. I am having some days where I feel I have got over it a bit but then others where I feel I have gone backward.

 

[loeylo]

That's exactly how I feel. The physical recovery from c section has been fine, but I just feel cheated. It has been suggested I might have a touch of PND which really upsets me!

 

[tallybee]

That's exactly how I feel. The physical recovery from c section has been fine, but I just feel cheated. It has been suggested I might have a touch of PND which really upsets me!

 

[Bebedeux]

My DS birth was like something out of a horror we were both left down so badly and the fact that the pair of us made it out alive is beyond me, my DH said he was dreading what he'd tell my family as he didn't think we'd make it. He said to me I never came out of the labor suite the same as I went in and that I came out a different person.
I went 16 days over because I went in on day 11 and my hospital couldn't be bothered to follow protocol and they left me 2days without been seen after having 3days of getting gels.
I was brought to labor suite and my consulant told the midwife after my waters were broke to moniter us every 20mins after pitocin was put in. She didn't and I dialated from 3cm to 10cm in 10minutes and went into heart failure. Got adrenaline my hospital don't believe in CS so I got an epidural. The mw never turned my sintocin back on and made me push with no contractions which resulted in a trip to theatre for a forceps delivery, then the next horror happened my placenta wouldn't detach it took them 1.30mins with a metal hook to pull it out, to this day I can still feel the pulling. I ended out with a fourth degree tear, rectal bruising and a pph I got six units of blood.
I couldn't walk for 5days I could barely stand or sit I had to get stiches re-sewn and clipped I had repeated infection all because a midwife couldn't do what she was told. DS was fine but I wasn't and I had to be put on antidepressants and have cognitive behaviour therapy and counciling. DD birth was a healing experience.
If you've had a traumatic birth seek help it nearly destroyed me.

 

[hanni]

My DS birth was like something out of a horror we were both left down so badly and the fact that the pair of us made it out alive is beyond me, my DH said he was dreading what he'd tell my family as he didn't think we'd make it. He said to me I never came out of the labor suite the same as I went in and that I came out a different person.
I went 16 days over because I went in on day 11 and my hospital couldn't be bothered to follow protocol and they left me 2days without been seen after having 3days of getting gels.
I was brought to labor suite and my consulant told the midwife after my waters were broke to moniter us every 20mins after pitocin was put in. She didn't and I dialated from 3cm to 10cm in 10minutes and went into heart failure. Got adrenaline my hospital don't believe in CS so I got an epidural. The mw never turned my sintocin back on and made me push with no contractions which resulted in a trip to theatre for a forceps delivery, then the next horror happened my placenta wouldn't detach it took them 1.30mins with a metal hook to pull it out, to this day I can still feel the pulling. I ended out with a fourth degree tear, rectal bruising and a pph I got six units of blood.
I couldn't walk for 5days I could barely stand or sit I had to get stiches re-sewn and clipped I had repeated infection all because a midwife couldn't do what she was told. DS was fine but I wasn't and I had to be put on antidepressants and have cognitive behaviour therapy and counciling. DD birth was a healing experience.
If you've had a traumatic birth seek help it nearly destroyed me.

😷 I flinched just reading this. This is awful! I'm so sorry you had such a bad time. What kind of hospital doesn't belive in CS?!

In this case I'd probably even think about taking legal action for the trauma they put you through!

 

[tallybee]

Gosh bebedeux sorry to hear you had such a traumatic experience xxx

I'd be thinking about legal action as well tbh, obviously it wouldn't change anything that happened but might bring to light things that hospital needs to change, how many other women and babies are they putting through hell with procedures like that

Massive hugs Hun xx

 

[laila 44]

I had a horrendous experience with my first as well. Honestly I don't know many ppl who had the births they wanted. I was induced, laboured for 26 hours, epidural never worked and once side never froze. I ended up dialating to 10cm only to be rushed into emcs bc dd's heart rate was dropping, I had a raging fever of 105 due to a uterine infection since my waters were ruptured for too long. In the OR there were only senior staff Drs allowed it was a very traumatic dangerous section with no joke 30 ppl. I was in such bad shape when dd was born that I was rushed into recovery for 3 hours without her! Didn't get to hold her nothing! Meanwhile my entire family was waiting in my room hanging out with my baby that I hadn't even held yet! Oh and it doesn't end there. 5 days pp I started to swell up so bad I could barely walk or breathe. Was rushed back to hospital with fluid in my lungs and suspected heart failure!!!!! I spent the night in hospital being told I was in possible heart failure and may need a transplant!!! Dd at home with my parents in the meantime. That night changed me. I became a hypochondriac because I believed I was dying and wouldn't see my baby again. Turns out I wasn't in heart failure but rather had a build up of fluid due to too much Iv and pitocin during labor given that I already had pre eclampsia! I was released next day as if nothing was after a normal heart echo showed my heart was fine. I'll never ever forget that day as long as I live. I needed therapy after that. My second birth though was the best experience ever, planned csection, in and out zero drama. Hoping my third now will go just as smoothly. My dd1 is now 4 and I'd relive that day 100 times to have her here she was worth it all. You're not alone xx

 

[tallybee]

I had a horrendous experience with my first as well. Honestly I don't know many ppl who had the births they wanted. I was induced, laboured for 26 hours, epidural never worked and once side never froze. I ended up dialating to 10cm only to be rushed into emcs bc dd's heart rate was dropping, I had a raging fever of 105 due to a uterine infection since my waters were ruptured for too long. In the OR there were only senior staff Drs allowed it was a very traumatic dangerous section with no joke 30 ppl. I was in such bad shape when dd was born that I was rushed into recovery for 3 hours without her! Didn't get to hold her nothing! Meanwhile my entire family was waiting in my room hanging out with my baby that I hadn't even held yet! Oh and it doesn't end there. 5 days pp I started to swell up so bad I could barely walk or breathe. Was rushed back to hospital with fluid in my lungs and suspected heart failure!!!!! I spent the night in hospital being told I was in possible heart failure and may need a transplant!!! Dd at home with my parents in the meantime. That night changed me. I became a hypochondriac because I believed I was dying and wouldn't see my baby again. Turns out I wasn't in heart failure but rather had a build up of fluid due to too much Iv and pitocin during labor given that I already had pre eclampsia! I was released next day as if nothing was after a normal heart echo showed my heart was fine. I'll never ever forget that day as long as I live. I needed therapy after that. My second birth though was the best experience ever, planned csection, in and out zero drama. Hoping my third now will go just as smoothly. My dd1 is now 4 and I'd relive that day 100 times to have her here she was worth it all. You're not alone xx

how scary Hun it sounds like you've been able to work through things though which is great xx