anyone else ever get fed up

[Layla]

Wasnt sure where to put this....its to do with beign a mum so thought its prob best in here rather than the girly bit, but feel free to move it if you think it needs to be somewhere else.

Just want a moan really and im praying someone else feels the same as me.

I have reached the point where im really fed up of being a mum

I love all my children with everything i have and Jase, but i just feel like i dont exist anymore, they all have things that they do and im stuck in all the time doing house work.

Charlie and Ethan have tehre after school clubs, they sleep over there nans and dads as well as friends houses,
Coby goes to nuresry 4 morninbgs a week and i take him to toddler group on the 5th morning.
Adam goes to toddler group
Jase gets to go jogging whenever he feels like it, and now hes away on these 2 stag weekends in a row

I do nothing. I have had to withdraw from both my college courses in September coz i cant do them aswell as look after jase and the kids, sort money out and do all the house work and washing.
The college course im on now finishes in 3 weeks, then i will be stuck in the house all day everyday, i will never be child free, not even for the 3 hours a week the college course was for.

I sound like a right ungreatful bitch dont i, im lucky i guess, i dont have to go out to work to pay everything, yet i find myself wanting to get out there and do things for me for a change, im sick of being a mother, a wife, a cleaner and a cook, when can i just be me for a change??

Sounds crap doesnt it, im basicly jealous of my kids for having a better life than me, but that is all i ever wanted for them...

Meh, i dont know, im just rambling now, i just feel like i come last in the house, if i ever want to do anything i either have to turn it down, was offered to go out at teh weekend, i cant or i have to arrange what ever it is i want to do around everyone else first.

agghh, i know im selfish but is there anyone else out there who feels even slightly the same?

I have made myself out to sound like a terrible mother now too, but honestly im not.

x

 

[kookie]

awww sounds like you need some you time maybe u should talk to Jase bout how u feel ? your not a bad mum for feeling this way u give your family your all u need something back for you xxx

 

[Layla]

He knows how i feel, hes known for a while

x

 

[Mamafy]

theres nothing wrong with wanting 'me-time', but with 4 kids I'm guessing it would be in short supply.

You have to take your life in your hands though, no-one will do it for you so if you want a different life then go get a life as they say , thats not to sound flippant or anything but if you're unhappy you have to change things around.

I think maybe a job would help, something part-time in the evenings when jase is at home. It will give you the extra cash injection you need for your college courses plus its abit of independence, and its great to be able to say 'I earned that'

Or you could be suffering from depression? I'm sorry if thats sounds sh1t but it may explain some of your feelings hun? but correct me if I'm wrong.

 

[Elli21]

I think that wanting time to be YOU is nothing to be ashamed about. And it defo doesnt mean your a bad mum! Ive ranted on here before about wanting to be me..and sometimes you just have to say "sorry, but fuck it, its my turn" otherwise you'd go potty.
I dont think you sound ungreatful or anything, i think you sound a normal human being!
And can you tell your OH about the way you feel? Make him listen and make it known that you want him to do something about it!
I hate it when men are told something and yet they ignore it and pretend it'll go away!

I agree..my part time jobs keep me sane..its a little time away and even though your working..your away from everything for a few hours and your socialising etc. When i get paid, i feel really good about the things i can put the money towards.

 

[Layla]

id love a job, but jase works shifts so i cant, childminder is to expensive, plus id rather the kids were with someone they knew, and we have no family here to help out.

The college courses were so that when the kids go to full time school i can go out and get a good paying job, not just working in tescos (no offence to anyone) but now thats gone down the toilet too.

My doc did give me tablets for depression but im refuseing to take them, they dont fix the problem, only mask your feelings whcih doesnt help anyone.

x

 

[Mamafy]

what about knicker parties, something you can do when jase is there cause there is no set times. It would be commission but it would be fun and would take you out, plus you could do your 1st one at home.

 

[Pyrrhic]

Why don't you do something from home? Like dog-walking? Or join a local group or club? Or volunteer?

 

[Layla]

i have aplied for lots of volenteer(sp?) work in areas that i love, drug realbiltion, young affenders, mental health etc, they are low comitment and i can work them around Jases shifts, just a case now of waiting to hear back from them

x

 

[Mamafy]

My doc did give me tablets for depression but im refuseing to take them, they dont fix the problem, only mask your feelings whcih doesnt help anyone.

x

if you had a migraine or broke your arm you wouldnt refuse mediaction though?
Ok Layla I'm gonna be totally honest here cause I think from what I've seen you appreciate honesty.
If you continue to refuse medication for depression you are putting yourself through unnecessary risk and heartache.
Anti-depressants when used sensibly and in a controlled way can get people well again, they dont mask your feelings; the depression is doing a good enough job of that already.

My advice to you is to go back to your dr and get/take the necessary help that you NEED to get well again and to ask for councelling alongside of it so that you can work through any issues you have.

 

[Uvlollypop]

big hugs.

 

[Layla]

if you had a migraine or broke your arm you wouldnt refuse mediaction though?
Ok Layla I'm gonna be totally honest here cause I think from what I've seen you appreciate honesty.
If you continue to refuse medication for depression you are putting yourself through unnecessary risk and heartache.
Anti-depressants when used sensibly and in a controlled way can get people well again, they dont mask your feelings; the depression is doing a good enough job of that already.

My advice to you is to go back to your dr and get/take the necessary help that you NEED to get well again and to ask for councelling alongside of it so that you can work through any issues you have.

Thanks, i do appreicated your honestly

But lol

Im fine, i can pull myself out of it, im stronger than this and i wont let it beat me, My mum and sister went on anti D's and went loopy, Jase is on them and his mood swings are terrible, i dont need that.

My reasons for being down are due to life issuse, not emotions if that makes sence, i just need a positive life change and then i will be fine again.

I have just phoned the college and im thinking of apling for a part time nurses course, i will need to find a childminder for the boys for 2 days a week (charlie and ethan will be at school) so money will be tight, but i have done it in the past so i can do it again.

When Charlie and Ethan were little i worked part time and went to college full time, so i need to get back to doing that so i can feel inderpandant again.

I just asked Jase if its ok, so im waiting for him to get back to be before i can aply

x

 

[hypnorm]

if you had a migraine or broke your arm you wouldnt refuse mediaction though?
If you continue to refuse medication for depression you are putting yourself through unnecessary risk and heartache.
Anti-depressants when used sensibly and in a controlled way can get people well again, they dont mask your feelings; the depression is doing a good enough job of that already.

My advice to you is to go back to your dr and get/take the necessary help that you NEED to get well again and to ask for councelling alongside of it so that you can work through any issues you have.

Umm i think itf Layla doesnt want to take the medication then fair enought thats up to her. Personally i think people put them selves through 'uneccesary risk' taking depression tablets. I know from experience my husband was put on antidepressants and it was THE worst thing he ever did, they changed him and it took a good couple of years before i got the man back, people can get through depression without medication.
I suffer from migraines - and you cannot compare them with depression issues.
Councelling can really help without meds, and even a change in life style and sorting out any underlying issues, I sat with my hubby and we worked alot of things out including finacial worries, career etc. Once he had sorted all this out and changed jobs he was a changed man, but the antidepressants were horrible to witness.

You need time out for your self Layla, i am a bit the same at the moment, i just feel a bit stagnant, no drive or motivation, just can't be bothered.
I have started looking at things that i can do, and tom has agreed to have ewan a couple of evenings a week, if he is around.
I only have ewan so i'm not quite in the same boat with the kids, but you are in no way being selfish you just need a bit of you back!

 

[Mamafy]

Of course it is entirely up to Layla but depression is a disease that can be treated very effectively with antidepressants and to be fair the 'loopiness' and 'mood swings' might just be down to depression itself and not the medication.

I know there is alot of bad press about them but they can and do work. Ok wasnt going to go into this story but I will so everybody doesnt think I'm just talking sh1t

When I was 7 my father died at the age of 35 with cancer, he had it for 5 years before he died. At that time antidepressants were handed out like smarties and my mother was on valium. She took it for years and basically she blotted the world on because it was a powerful drug. 2 years after my father died my sister at the age of 6 got knocked down as she got of a school bus, I was with her but I never crossed the road; she just ran out
Anyway as you can imagine my mother fell apart and abused antidepressants and all our lives fell apart but she got off them by using the drugs that are prescribed today and has been drug free for 10 years or more and her depression has stabilised too.

What I'm saying is, and its not to be controversial or anything, but these drugs can work and if they worked to keep my mother from bouncing off the walls then I am certain they would work for Layla.

 

[welshcakes79]

you sound a little bit like "cabin fever" hun... and you dont sound like a bad mum, in fact your a very good one because youve realised for you to continue putting your kids first you need to feel 100%, hope you find something that makes you feel a bit more "layla" and not just "mum/wife" soon XXX

 

[hypnorm]

Of course it is entirely up to Layla but depression is a disease that can be treated very effectively with antidepressants and to be fair the 'loopiness' and 'mood swings' might just be down to depression itself and not the medication.

I can guarantee it was the medication,before he took them he was down depressed, and not sleeping, once he started taking the tablets he became VERY moody, aggressive, dismissive and you would be walking on egg shells. In the end hubby realised what they were doing and he threw them away, was supposed to wean off them but as he was only on them for about 2 weeks he just stopped them dead.
There is no way on earth either myself or hubby would ever touch antiD's again.

 

[Mamafy]

Thats fair enough but that is not everyones experience.

Depression itself is not a nice illness and 'if' medication could help then I wouldnt dismiss it.

But this is Laylas decision not ours.

 

[Tezzy]

hun i feel the same some days. Colin is a voulenteer with the RNLI (lifeboats) and hes always out doing training or going to crew meetings...it feels like i have no life and im forever around Rhys, i dont get to just 'go out' without Rhys because colin is on 24 hour call, if his pager goes he has to run out of the house.

but at the end of the day.. im a mum *sigh* and its what i signed up for...

 

[Mamafy]

I have just phoned the college and im thinking of apling for a part time nurses course, i will need to find a childminder for the boys for 2 days a week (charlie and ethan will be at school) so money will be tight, but i have done it in the past so i can do it again.

When Charlie and Ethan were little i worked part time and went to college full time, so i need to get back to doing that so i can feel inderpandant again.

I just asked Jase if its ok, so im waiting for him to get back to be before i can aply

x

I think that is brilliant I really hope you can do this hun

 

[JASMAK]

I would take the pills too. I had to take some for awhile, and no, it doesn't fix a problem, but, if he believes that part of your problem could just be chemicals out of whack, you will find a difference in your self almost right away. I am so gald I took mine, and hey, if they don't work...then you can tell him to stuff it later. Anyways, I am new...hi...I don't know you, but, I wouldn't want you to wait as long as I did to take them, because my life for me was truly better afterwards...and continues to be (I was only on them for 6 mths). But, I think that you do need a break, and I too have a short supply of time due to work, and DH's work, and my kids don't go to care either...so I can relate. DH and I share the car, so I am stuck at home too. But, even one night out for tea with the gals might rejuvenate you at least a little. (((hugs))) T