I am due my rainbow baby in October. I am 14 + 4 pregnant and am over the point that I lost my first baby (ms @ 13 weeks) but am still so nervous. I am afraid to attach to this pregnancy 100% because I am afraid it will happen again. This makes me feel like a bad mother, I do get moments of being excited but then I catch myself. has anyone else felt this? Feel so awful for feeling like this.
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Anyone else experience this?
- Thread starter StarAngel
- Start date
Hi,
Firstly, please know that your feelings are 100% normal and understandable in your circumstances. Try not to feel guilty for them, it is only natural for us to want to protect ourselves when we've experienced loss in the past. They also don't make you a bad mother, quite the opposite. A bad mother wouldn't be this anxious about the thought of losing her baby or so desperate for it to be ok. Your feelings come from a place of deep love and caring and that's ok
I completely understand what you're feeling. I'm 13+6 weeks pregnant in my 4th pregnancy with what will hopefully be my 1st child. I had losses at 9 weeks, 11 weeks (after a perfect scan 5 days earlier) and a cp at 4/5 weeks. I thought that with this pregnancy once I was past the 11 week milestone and had had a good nt result (which we did, it was as good as possible) I would start to feel less anxious and more excited. However, I found that I actually got more anxious and towards the end of last week I was in a pretty bad way. It's like I just really struggle to believe that I'll ever be able to take a baby home with me. I was almost mentally preparing myself for having a stillborn or neonatal death or something even if I managed to get through the pregnancy.
I am incredibly lucky to have a wonderful DH who recognised how I was feeling and got me to talk to him about it. I'm also lucky that he is a very optimistic person and I found that talking honestly to him and also trying to really focus on his positive energy has made things much better. I am now trying to not focus on my anxieties but channel his excitement. I decided that even if the worst should happen I want to enjoy my time with this LO. Acknowledge your feelings and talk about them with someone you feel comfortable with.
I also find it helpful to focus on the fact that at this point, the vast majority of people go on to have healthy babies and there's every chance that you will be one of those. I know it's hard to do this when you have been on the bad side of statistics before, but if you can keep almost forcing your mind to think these positive things it does become easier. When you get a moment of excitement, don't squash it, try to let yourself enjoy it. Do some happy baby things, DH took me to a baby store to look around in which helped me get more excited. I definitely won't be buying anything until at least 20 weeks though lol.
It might also help you to take note of anything in particular that triggers your anxiety. Whilst I love these forums and they are a great resource and place for support, there is a much higher occurrence of sad stories than in the real world so sometimes I can find them a bit distressing and need to stay away for a while.
Anyway, sorry for the essay, I just really feel for you and hope I've managed to help a little
. PAL is really hard and I still get anxious but the things I've mentioned have helped me to be more excited and enjoy the pregnancy more.
Firstly, please know that your feelings are 100% normal and understandable in your circumstances. Try not to feel guilty for them, it is only natural for us to want to protect ourselves when we've experienced loss in the past. They also don't make you a bad mother, quite the opposite. A bad mother wouldn't be this anxious about the thought of losing her baby or so desperate for it to be ok. Your feelings come from a place of deep love and caring and that's ok
I completely understand what you're feeling. I'm 13+6 weeks pregnant in my 4th pregnancy with what will hopefully be my 1st child. I had losses at 9 weeks, 11 weeks (after a perfect scan 5 days earlier) and a cp at 4/5 weeks. I thought that with this pregnancy once I was past the 11 week milestone and had had a good nt result (which we did, it was as good as possible) I would start to feel less anxious and more excited. However, I found that I actually got more anxious and towards the end of last week I was in a pretty bad way. It's like I just really struggle to believe that I'll ever be able to take a baby home with me. I was almost mentally preparing myself for having a stillborn or neonatal death or something even if I managed to get through the pregnancy.
I am incredibly lucky to have a wonderful DH who recognised how I was feeling and got me to talk to him about it. I'm also lucky that he is a very optimistic person and I found that talking honestly to him and also trying to really focus on his positive energy has made things much better. I am now trying to not focus on my anxieties but channel his excitement. I decided that even if the worst should happen I want to enjoy my time with this LO. Acknowledge your feelings and talk about them with someone you feel comfortable with.
I also find it helpful to focus on the fact that at this point, the vast majority of people go on to have healthy babies and there's every chance that you will be one of those. I know it's hard to do this when you have been on the bad side of statistics before, but if you can keep almost forcing your mind to think these positive things it does become easier. When you get a moment of excitement, don't squash it, try to let yourself enjoy it. Do some happy baby things, DH took me to a baby store to look around in which helped me get more excited. I definitely won't be buying anything until at least 20 weeks though lol.
It might also help you to take note of anything in particular that triggers your anxiety. Whilst I love these forums and they are a great resource and place for support, there is a much higher occurrence of sad stories than in the real world so sometimes I can find them a bit distressing and need to stay away for a while.
Anyway, sorry for the essay, I just really feel for you and hope I've managed to help a little
. PAL is really hard and I still get anxious but the things I've mentioned have helped me to be more excited and enjoy the pregnancy more.Thanks so much for your insight, and I truely hope this time you will get your rainbow baby. It sounds like you manage your anxiety pretty well I could def take a leaf out of your book. Thanks for easing my mind about it. xx
