anyone else have really bad days?

[suzie7]

I try to be hopeful about TTC but there are some days when I just feel crippled with depression and anger. In case you haven't noticed, babies and kids are everywhere. Everywhere I look there's a pregnant lady or a mom with young kids or a TV sitcom like the Cosby show with a big family or I'll be in the grocery store and see diapers...

The majority of my friends are now stay-at-home moms and while I am thrilled for them, we no longer have that much in common. It's just a fact. All they talk about is baby stuff and who can blame them-- if I had a baby, I'd probably talk about baby stuff all the time too.

There's a great divide between my mother and I. She does not understand this pain. She had an abortion when she was younger and also got pregnant on her wedding night, the first time she had sex without BCP. So lucky!

We've been TTC for 8 months with male infertility...honestly, I admire so many of you who have been on this road longer than I have. I don't know how you do it.

I try to not focus on it so much but who are we kidding- I am ALWAYS focused on it. I know that we'll be able to have a family one day (either through natural means (very unlikely), ICSI, or adoption) but it's the day-to-day battle that wears me down. And I don't know how long this road will be.

Will you any of you who feel this way sometimes share with me how you get your spirits up? Thanks!

 

[Starbright]

Massive hugs to you!
I know the feeling.
At work today some of the women were joking around about how I should start getting pg to get maternity pay and child benefits. I just smiled at them but I could feel myself going scarlet. grr
I know a lot of other endo-girls from a different forum, and there's been a spate of them recently getting pg or giving birth. while I'm happy for them I'm sad too and kind of envious
Hope you can start to feel more positive soon ((hugs))
Love SB xxx

 

[DillyC]

I agree....I have days when I am so upset (i think its hormone related) that I just start crying for no reason, I think its the emotional rollercoaster we are on....

At the mo I feel quite level headed, i have to say yoga and meditation help keep me a bit more stable, but I also think its ok to have days like this ..... its a huge mental hurdle.

I have only been on this forum for a week or so and TTC for 18m, this is a godsend...its so good to be able to chat to others who know exactly what you are going through and in a lot of cases have gone through a lot more than I have!

If all else fails and nice walk in along the river, finished with a cuppa and a nice slice of cake always makes me feel better xxx

Thinking of you and hoping tommorrow is a better day for you

 

[ladypink]

Hi Suzie7, sorry you're feeling low hun, it's a very dificult time, the not knowing, hope, despair, mostly despair. Please remember you're not alone, it must be very difficult to not be able to talk to your mum about how you feel. Every day is a battle for me and i'm trying to live as well as cope. Take some time out with your partner, treat yourself lots! relax as much as you can or maybe try some exercise to boost the feel good endorphins. Running is great for this! What ever you do, talk openly here, it feels so much better to share your feelings with those who understand your pain, big higs, X

 

[imogenwanted]

hi ladies, i feel so sad most of the time and cant shift it i need to lose weight before i can get clomid and it is just so hard. at least on here we know how each other feels, i just hope we all get bfp this year as i have been trying for 4 years now, its just so draining,

any way good luck i could go on for ever xxx

 

[susan_1981]

I know how you feel. I often hit my lowest when I start spotting at the end of my cycle and then I just know AF is on her way again! We started TTC back in August 2008, was pregnant by October 2008 but went for my 12 week scan and was told I'd had a MMC - baby died at 7 weeks. So we started trying again straight away (which was in the December 08), months and months and months went by, started losing hope that it would ever happen for us again. Been tested and, so far, I'm all good but DH has a slightly low sperm count. So I got him on vits and 3 months later (December just gone), got another BFP - turned out to be a chemical.

Miscarriages are so awful and I just can't help but think "why me?" - we obviously have fertility issues so why did my baby have to be taken away from me.

And I know what you mean about pregnant women everywhere. I seem to always know someone who is pregnant. When one's given birthy, another is announcing they're pregnant. A girl at work has just told everyone she's 3 months pregnant and I can't help it, I feel this real deep envy.

But I just stay hopeful by staying positive that one day it will happen. And I just find that as each cycle gets nearer to ovulation, I get my hope back again. I also try to focus on what I do have, a lovely husband, friends and family. And that is the most important thing to me, until of course I have a little baby xxx

 

[Aphrodite]

Big hugs for you Suzie

Im sorry youre feeling this way. I'm like Dilly C Im pretty relaxed about the whole thing and havent really allowed myself to become bitter or angry. But then it doesnt seem we've been trying that long-it'll be 2 yrs in April but for the first year we were just seeing what happened ad I was still at uni so realistically its only been a year or so.

I think Im relaxed about it because Im finishing up my course now, so I still have a lot going on in my life to concentrate on. I see it this way-if the IVF works, great. If not, Ill get more maternity leave the later I get pregnant, Ill be able to go to a few music events and go on holiday To me its win win so thats how Ive managed to stay fairly calm about it all. However, AF arrived on New years day and it got to me and I broke down and cried-only the second time ive cried over our issues (the first being when we found out). So at times it does hit us all.

Your time will come hun.
C-A x x x x

 

[NeyNey]

It is honestly the worst feeling when you have those bad days....But remember they don't last forever. We were ttc over 4 years, and if I can offer one piece of advice, it's go with your own heart. I was passed over from Dr to Dr until I put my foot down (took 3 years) and demanded some more invasive testing...Before that I was just given fertility drug after fertility drug with no results. After I asked for a laproscopy and dye test on my tubes it turned out I had PCOS and blocked tubes!!! I tell you, to finally be given a reason for our failures felt so relieving. We then moved onto IVF and now we're on our way! I thank my lucky stars everyday for getting this far, and never ever forget you ladies over here still going through your own personal struggles.

Remember to follow your gut

 

[dan-o]

anyone else have really bad days?

Yes, I've been feeling low for a couple of months, purely beacause of not getting pregnant.

I had a terrible year last year (MC, molar, chemo) I was OK about it then, but now each cycle is starting to drag, I'm so fed up.

I've got no get up & go any more, I think it's a type of depression.
I need to do something about it, but I don't know what (other than a BFP) would help?

 

[mamawannabe]

Hello, whilst I have been posting on B&B for the last year, I have only been posting in LTTTC for the last few weeks. It is so nice to know that it is not just me that has these bad days and cries when I see a baby, pregnant lady or anything to do with babies. I have been TTC for just over 18 months now and in that time 2 close friends, 4 work colleagues and my sister-in-law (who is 43 and it was unplanned) have all managed to get pregnant. The sister in law was the hardest one to deal with as i thought that should be me that everyone is congratulating and pandering over.

I always thought maybe I am just being a bit dramatic and over the top but its not just me, other people feel like this too. It also doesn't help that my husband has two children from a previous marriage and I am very jealous of that.

I dont think there is anything we can do about how we feel but I do think that you can take comfort knowing that its not just you that feels like this and you are not going through this on your own.

 

[hopesforababy]

Suzie, I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. I have definitely been there and have only just recently come out of that funk. And I was there for about 2 months, starting on Thanksgiving Day when I found out my IUI failed and my SIL announced she was pregnant. The holidays were just hard in general. But now that we are starting IVF, I feel much more calm and relaxed. I can't explain why, but at least I know I'm doing what I can to get my BFP.
I hope you feel better soon! And baby dust to everyone!