Anyone else in same situation?

[stargirl69]

I'm desperate for baby. Husband wants to wait until 30 to try. We are both 28 at the moment. How do you deal with it? Do you just accept? Does it cause arguments?

I'm finding it more and more difficult to deal with, especially as want more than one.

Anyone else in same boat?

 

[Pops]

Ah hun, I am really sorry you feel like this. I am in a very different situation, OH is a few years older (I am 27 he is 31) and he would have liked to have started trying a while before now as, like you, we want more than one and he didn't want to be pushing 40 and changing nappies.

So, we are now NTNP as it feels like the right time.

I am not sure how I would have dealt with it if things had been different - can you maybe set goals for in between now and then of things you both want to do before baby is born so it doesnt feel like "wasted time" as it were?

xxx

 

[stargirl69]

That's a good suggestion, but we have done what we want i.e. get married, buy house etc. We're both in good jobs. It's so frustrating, and don't want this to create tension between us. I've tried talking to him, but he won't budge. He does want children but just not right now and he seems to think we will get pregnant straight away.

 

[Pops]

What are his reasons for wanting to wait another 2 years? Is it something that may change in that time or is it just that he has 30 in his head as the magic number? xxx

 

[stargirl69]

He's just got the age 30 in his head. I have explained that it could take us a while to conceive but he seems to think we will get pregnant straight away (this is based on his idea that his friend got pregnant straight away).

He sends out mixed signals as he says he really wants kids but just not right now, then he says when you have kids your life is over. I think your life changes, it will be more difficult but surely changes for the better.

 

[flutterbyes]

Maybe you should show him some articles about the risks of having babies when you're older. The risk of congenital abnormalities gets higher particularly after 30.

But tbh a relationship should be about compromise. why not 29?

 

[stargirl69]

Thanks for that flutterbyes. I actually copied and pasted loads of things from the internet about having children after 30. He eventually agreed to read it. He said he had had no idea, so that made me feel a bit better. He's still not budging though as his mum had kids after 30 no problems. Well, that's great for her of course but not everyone is the same. My mum and dad had real problems conceiving took them years. Now I know that doesn't mean I will, but there's no way of knowing.

His answer is that he always said around 30, after we're married and have a house, and are secure financially. Well at 28 I'd say we are 'around 30' and we have all the other things. Now he says he meant 30 and beyond. He feels we are compromising by agreeing to 30.

 

[Catastrophe]

*Rolls eyes* men! Sounds a bit like he's feeling pressured (scared) so digging his heels in. Maybe you could agree to drop the subject for a period of time, say 6 months then discuss it again. Depends very much on the man as to whether you could talk about the good bits about having a child and slowly bring him around to the idea without putting him off more.

My OH is still resolute that we need to wait a few years (I'm 23 and keep hearing the clock ticking so can only imagine how you might be feeling). However when I first started bringing the subject up he looked pretty terrified andnow he's down to resigned so maybe getting somewhere slowly.

Unless you can find out the reason(s) for his reluctance and tackle them it might be tricky to change his mind. I've heard the suggestion before that talking to some of his male friends with children could overcome some of the worries if that was the problem.

Sorry not to be more help.

Hope you find a solution which suits you both x

 

[stargirl69]

I was thinking of suggesting we go to visit a friend of his, whose wife has given birth recently. I just don't want them to put him off even more, by moaning about sleepless nights etc!

Going to try talking to him again tonight.

 

[bunnyg82]

hey, good luck sweetie, hope you manage to sort it soon - I think 29 would be a good compromise, maybe you could work on that? xx