Anyone else juggling NICU baby and other children?

[Vicyi]

So Miss Eliza was born at 34+5 with Pierre Robin Sequence. She is in the NICU at our local hospital which is a 30min bus journey from our house and i'm finding it really hard finding the right balance of being at the hosp vs being at home. It has been said that she could be in there for at least 6 more weeks.
My eldest is at school so i have been taking her to school then heading straight to the hosp but i feel as if i am passing my second around too much. He is usually a really good boy but has started playing up over the past few days and i'm not sure if its the normal terrible twos (he will be 3 in two weeks) or more likely he is trying to get attention? I've tried treating him to 1 on 1 time and a few park trips etc while the eldest is at school as well as taking them both out after school but he is just playing up so much i find myself telling him off all the time.
I've also tried taking him to the hosp with me but he is bored after 10mins and so i need to leave again.
Was just wondering if anyone else is/has been in the same situation and what they did? x

 

[jandksmommy]

My twins were only 10 months old when their sister was born at 23+4 (trust me... we did not plan it this way). It was a 3 hour drive from our house to the hospital which made life extremely difficult. I ended up leaving the twins with family for 2 or 3 days a week and staying at the hospital with our daughter, then spending the rest of the week at home with the twins. It certainly wasn't ideal but we made it through 4 long months until our sweet girl could come home. It's hard not to feel guilty no matter what you do in this situation but you are doing the best you can Little Eliza will be home before you know it and your family will be together. Congratulations!

 

[Srrme]

My oldest, Elias, was 12 months old when his brother, Fenix, was born at 35 weeks. He spent 3 weeks in the NICU, and we visited him every day and brought Elias with us every time.

 

[DonnaBallona]

I also have two older children who were 2 and 3 when my third was born.

honestly, I found myself constantly guilt tripping myself whoever I was with. I just had to constantly remind myself that it wasn't forever and that I was doing the best I could for everybody. spitting my time between 3 children was the hardest part of having a baby in SCBU though. I remember it well and the memory still hurts.

basically, my DF would leave for work early, drive to hospital (get there for 7am), check on Jude, and leave to go to work at 8ish. I'd stay at home all day with my older two and basically clock watch until my DF got home from work. id have my dinner early and then I'd leave as soon as he got in to go to the hospital. I'd spend 3 beautiful hours with Jude, until about 8.30/9pm when I'd reluctantly leave to go home.

I spent many, many hours crying over his incubator. I desperately wanted to be there with him more but it just wasn't feasible. Jude was extremely poorly for much of his NICU stay and I was desperate to be there for him more.

my heart goes out to you, it truly does. hang on in there. you're doing a great job xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[kit10grl]

When Robyn was born my DS was 13 months Robyn wasnt prem but was very ill, we transferred to glasgow from dundee when she was 4 days old and spent that weekend with DS staying wth family, it was the first time we were ever apart overnight. I spent all of that first weekend feeling rubbish that here i was mummy to two beautiful kids and still sleepin g alone at night without either of them. When we realised robyns stay in glasgow was going to be much longer than the anticipated weekend we first thought Tyler came to stay with us at Ronald McDonald House. We were there for six weeks sharing one room between me hubby and toddler and facilities with around 20 other families. Not the most fun ive ever had but we were lees than five minutes from my bed to PICU where robyn was with a direct access phone line to her bed. My DS handled it like a star.

Ive found since transferrig home again its been harder as we arent in NICU any time we are inpatients now and the childrens ward here dont usually deal with long term inpatients. They find it odd when worried parents arent by babies bedsie 24-7 as usually there kids are in for one night or two so the parents never leave but we are 6 months into our journey now and if i never left the hospital i would be going stir crazy by now.

They dont allow toddlers into visit over the winter for infection control so its been really hard to see both children as being with one means i have to leave the other. And DH works nightshift so i have to be home on nights when he works to look after DS as not many people will do all night babysits for 6 months. This caussed a bit of an issue with a snide nurse on new year as i think at first she assumed i was going out and thsts why i was going home, when i explained no my husband is working and no one wants to babysit new years night she looked a bit confused.

I spend half my life feeling guilty about whichever child im not with but i believe that im doing the best i can and thats all that matters, neither of them are old enough that they will remember how many hours i spent where, they will remember i made them feel loved and special when i was with them. Stay strong and just keep telling them all how much you love them, hope you can all be togethe soon x

 

[DonnaBallona]

big hugs kit10grl. you're doing an amazing job! xx

 

[kit10grl]

big hugs kit10grl. you're doing an amazing job! xx

thank you, i think we all are
xx

 

[Vicyi]

Thankyou all it deffo is a tough journey, ESP when other children are involved.
I'm glad to hear all your little ones have come through the other side without too much trouble. I hope my two are the same.
kit. X
I think my guilt is just in overdrive ATM, guilt I couldn't keep Eliza in, guilt I can't breast feed her (this has only really kicked in since she has been moved to the scbu 'nursery' as all the other babies are now well enough to bf ) guilt that I've missed out on all of her 'firsts' eg first few hours of life, first clothes, first wash etc and then guilt that I'm messing up the other twos routines.
I do think it would sometimes be easier if Alex was younger because he is now at the age where he will NOT sit still. He is so used to me taking him out all the time to clubs etc that I think the extra energy isn't helping!

 

[Dani Rose]

Yes and we are hours from home. We are from aberdeen but got moved to Dundee. Next stop is Glasgow for PDA surgery. I've been on bedrest before the birth. First in aberdeen then in Dundee. I haven't been home for 8 weeks now and my other 2 kids have been here there and everywhere. Today I broke down on the phone to my mum because his trousers are too short. I just want to be home with them and do the things that mums do. But I need to be here. Today I've a cold and can't even visit Amie the NICU is hard.

 

[irvine12]

i know exactly how u feel.i have a 2 n a ahlf year old and my other will b 4 nxt month and my son was born 3 weeks ago at 30 weeks and it is so hard running back n forward to hosp everyday and trying to get baby sitters for the girls every day.i feel like i am passin my others here there and everywhere and not spending enough time with them.im struggling to cope with all this running around and my partner is back at wrk this week making it even more difficult fr e to get up and see my son...