anyone else not allow ex to take baby out?

[jellybean20]

just wondering as my daughter is 16months and i def set the rules without objection from her dad.

he had only had her on his own once when she was 14months (for a few hours due to work issues). there is no abuse or substance misuse issuses.

he did ask when my daughter was tiny to introduce her to his new GF but i flatly refused and that was that.

im strictly sticking to the i will not ask him to look after her as i NEED to be with my daughter as much as possible. but if he makes a reasonable request i wont decline.

just wondering if anyother people are in a similar situation as most posts i read are worrying about ex bringing back child late or making unreasonable requests.

thanks for taking the time to read

 

[dustbunny]

If there is no reason to distrust him and he has had continuous contact, although I am presuming the contact has been in yours or someone you trusts presence, then I can not see why you would refuse. It would have to be on strict terms, set times etc etc and then if he broke these without due reason then that might be a time to worry.

 

[Snowball]

My ex doesn't take any of our 4 children out on his own... A rule I put in place when he left.

My situation is quite complicated because still to this day (he abandoned us over a year ago), I can't work out if he has a personality disorder or if he's vastly manipulated by his mother but the sad thing I hate to admit is he comes across unstable.

He went from a loving caring father to a heartless cold person overnight. Before he left I'd witnessed him sleeping when left on his own looking after our baby, shouting at the older two and making them miserable and after he went things got worse... He shouted in my 5 year olds face that he'd slept with someone else, he begged me to abort our youngest to the point that he'd get his mum to come babysit and drag me to a clinic... He shouted at me that our youngest wasn't welcome here

On top of that he lives with his mother... So he'd have to have them there. IMO his mother is a psychiatrists dream. She is the most unstable person I've come across. Uses emotional manipulation to keep people (until they open their eyes to it), is lazy, compulsive liar, doesn't clean her house, had a big part in ex trying to get me to abort Louie etc. I wish I was saying that just to be mean too... but sadly that's what she is and has always been since I met her (used to tell ex DH all the time)

That's why I made the decision and tbh it was a far from easy one because as a result, I've lost 100% of my freedom. I am literally stuck in my house night after night whilst he's off enjoying himself. The only way I'd even consider him seeing them without me present would be in a contact centre where he'd have to pay attention to them instead of texting his mother and blanking them. I refuse to let him screw them up in the same way his mother has done to him.

 

[Lemonflower]

Nope, he can have 1 hour visit every two weeks supervised with my mother.
He's taking me to court anyway so it will be upped but not before I get them to drug test him and plead for them to put him on a parenting course.
As I've said in other posts/threads the thought of him having my baby over nights makes me sick and panics me. He can't even look after himself!

 

[jellybean20]

thanks for your replays.

i DONT stop him from taking my daughter but he hasnt asked and im not going to suggest it. my mum thinks it because he isnt confident enough but i dont feel its my job to build up his confidence anymore.

 

[Laura2919]

He probably won't ask because he thinks your gonna say no.

I personally think your daughter is missing out. I can't understand why you won't say maybe it's time for her to go with you for a few hours. Like you say he hasn't got any issues so why wouldn't you.

Your daughter is 16 months and when she is older she won't have any memories with her dad alone cos nobody thought so set up a visiting plan.

I hope it don't sound harsh. I think all children deserve to have a relationship with both parents if both parents don't have issues which need addressing.

 

[bther]

I'm in a similar situation to yours jellybean only my FOB can't look after himself. He's openly admitted that he's not responsible enough to be a parent and how can he look after a baby if he can't look after himself. His mum does everything for him from choosing what he needs to wear to telling him to have a bath - he can't cook and is very very clumsy do hurts people/animals easily and has no concept of danger. Also, he's never ever had a job (he's 27) and has mental health problems that he won't get help with, apart from popping antidepressants. Anyway, I let him see Zac for an hour a week and now I'm on my feet I'm taking Zac to see his paternal grandparents once a month. The only time he'll have Zac on his own is if he seriously changes or until Zac can fend for himself. I don't trust him. Not even wit my cat.

I won't suggest things, in my view if he wanted something that badly, he would ask. He acts like its a chore to see him as it is.

 

[jellybean20]

im taking on bored what others have said but feel that once he starts to take her out it set a presedent for him to do it more. i work full time to support, dress and feed our child he doesnt pay for her at all. i feel that she benifits from spending time with us both as a family. i dont feel its reasonable for me to work all week suportting her only to hand her over to him on my day off, Also not willing to distrupt my arranged child care plans as it distrupts her routine and he isnt consistant enough to relay on him to stick to plans.

 

[bther]

If he doesn't pay for her then it would be unreasonable, in my opinion, for him to ask to take her out. I'm sure he's fond of your daughter but as I said above, if he was really that bothered he would ask (and contribute to her upbringing!).

 

[SophiasMummy]

My ex has never asked to take my LO out alone and he never would because he cant be bothered to be a father to her (he would rather be his gf LOs daddy, which he isnt) hes flat out refusing to see her now because i made him feel bad for canceling his visit for the 4th week in a row. Tbh if he came to see her regularly and paid for her (which he never has) then i wouldnt have any problems with him having her for the day xx

 

[Erinsmummy]

just wondering as my daughter is 16months and i def set the rules without objection from her dad.

he had only had her on his own once when she was 14months (for a few hours due to work issues). there is no abuse or substance misuse issuses.

he did ask when my daughter was tiny to introduce her to his new GF but i flatly refused and that was that.

im strictly sticking to the i will not ask him to look after her as i NEED to be with my daughter as much as possible. but if he makes a reasonable request i wont decline.

just wondering if anyother people are in a similar situation as most posts i read are worrying about ex bringing back child late or making unreasonable requests.

thanks for taking the time to read

My daughter has just turned 2, and i still dont let her dad take her out on his own! He sees her once a week at my place, spends the day with her and thats fine, hes never complained, he knows i make the rules and he never says anything, he gives me quite a bit of money for her every week and has never let her down, hes a good dad really. But i dont want him taking her anywhere, it worries me. I get so fed up of people saying "you should let him take her out, hes her dad" But hes never been alone with her really as we split when i was pregnant. I dont like the idea of him taking her out at the moment so thats how it is.

If you dont feel comfortable, for whatever reason then thats fine! As long as you let him see your child i dont see the problem, and im hoping when my daughters a bit older, i will relax a bit!

 

[Laura2919]

just wondering as my daughter is 16months and i def set the rules without objection from her dad.

he had only had her on his own once when she was 14months (for a few hours due to work issues). there is no abuse or substance misuse issuses.

he did ask when my daughter was tiny to introduce her to his new GF but i flatly refused and that was that.

im strictly sticking to the i will not ask him to look after her as i NEED to be with my daughter as much as possible. but if he makes a reasonable request i wont decline.

just wondering if anyother people are in a similar situation as most posts i read are worrying about ex bringing back child late or making unreasonable requests.

thanks for taking the time to read

My daughter has just turned 2, and i still dont let her dad take her out on his own! He sees her once a week at my place, spends the day with her and thats fine, hes never complained, he knows i make the rules and he never says anything, he gives me quite a bit of money for her every week and has never let her down, hes a good dad really. But i dont want him taking her anywhere, it worries me. I get so fed up of people saying "you should let him take her out, hes her dad" But hes never been alone with her really as we split when i was pregnant. I dont like the idea of him taking her out at the moment so thats how it is.

If you dont feel comfortable, for whatever reason then thats fine! As long as you let him see your child i dont see the problem, and im hoping when my daughters a bit older, i will relax a bit!

I'm sorry but I don't agree. I don't think its fine at all. If he is a good dad and you have no concerns you shouldn't keep him from doing it. There are things as single parents we don't like. I don't like the fact that my FOB is going to bring another woman around my children because I should be the only mum they know but they will grow up and have a step mum and a step dad so I have to let that go, no I don't like it but I cannot change it. Why prevent the inevitable? Nobody is saying she has to do it asap but she needs to start building up. I'd never stop FOB from having the girls. I trust that they are well looked after by his mum and he does help out too and I think it benefits me and the girls.