Anyone else parenting gifted children?

[BKKBabe]

It's never about bragging and mainly about supporting each other through the challenges and difficulties but it's always nice to connect with other parents that can relate.

Would love to hear from anyone parenting a or several gifted child/ren.

My daughter is going on 7yo and my son is 4yo. Challenges are daily. The intensity is off the chart. Would love to find others with whom to discuss, schooling, behaviours, sleep, therapists...

 

[lindseymw]

My eldest is on the Gifted and Talented List due to his high level of reading and understanding.

We haven't come across any challenges really. School are very supportive in this aspect and make sure he challenged enough. He is taken to another class for English and Maths.

The only struggle we have really is finding books that are suitable for his reading level and his age.

We also have to be careful where we take him, i.e we went to Croatia last year and visited a museum about the Bosnian war. As he was reading it all (obviously wasn't suitable content for a 5 year old), we had to make a quick exit.

 

[Elljo3]

My daughter has always read at 3 years higher than her age.

 

[alibaba24]

I never realised there was a gifted list? what is this would love to know

 

[aimee-lou]

Earl's in G&T at school too. Early days obviously as he's still in Reception but the school are trying. Only issues so far have been that they can't keep up with him reading wise. As soon as they put him up a bracket, he's steaming through the books in that colour lol.

We're moving soon, so I'm hoping that his new school will be a bit more prepared to meet his needs. For the time being I'm doing some more home-study type stuff with him and making sure he reads every day. I'm trying to get him doing more numeracy work as they really don't focus on that at school much but he really enjoys it, and he learned to tell the time last year which impressed his teachers.

 

[OmarsMum]

DS is bilingual, he reads very well in English (3 yrs ahead of his age), so now we are concentrating on Arabic more than English, he can read in Arabic but he still can't write well. We are also engaging him in sports as he is showing interest in that area. He goes to swimming, karate & football. We also enrolled him in piano classes & now he can read basic notes.


We concentrate on adding to his knowledge, like buying mini encyclopaedias.

I'm not sure if he is gifted or not, but he is advanced for his age. He can add & subtract easily in his head, he loves to pretend to buy & sell & he plays with real money.

The struggle we face are social, he is more mature than his peers at school, so his teachers are working on that area, he is also obsessed with following the rules and too serious at school (he is not at home).

he is a perfectionist, which is a struggle for us and his teachers. He will not do anything if he can't master it, that is one of he reasons why we enrolled him in sports.

 

[lindseymw]

I never realised there was a gifted list? what is this would love to know

I didn't know much about it until Joshua was at School. We went for the initial parents evening when he started Reception (after a few weeks of starting). The Teacher discussed it with us and said that he would be placed on the list. I believe the School gets extra funding to help.

It covers academic subject (english, maths etc) as well others such art.

 

[erinprime]

I am curious how early you could tell that your child was gifted? My almost 17 month old knows all letters, uppercase and lowercase and can tell you what sound they make phonetically. She is just starting to figure out the answer to questions like "What letter does the word tiger start with?" She wil sound it out and say T. She can't do this for all sounds yet but she gets better at it every week! She also knows numbers 1-20 and can count things accurately if there are just a few. She is my first so I have no one to compare her to but I have learned to not talk about it with mom friends because they do not have the same experience with their babies.

I am curious if this will slow down and she will become more like her peers or if I am in for a ride with academics.

 

[BKKBabe]

Omar's mom - definitely sounds like he is gifted. It is very typical for them to have social issues and be obsessed with things like rules. May I suggest a book? A parent's guide to gifted children. It's been a life saver for us.

Erinprime - most litterature will say that you can spot it as babies (in a lot of cases) when you know what you are looking for. Definitely sounds like your daughter could be.

Being ahead academically is only one sign. My daughter was UBER fast in language acquisition but is not standing out in school in regular subjects. Yet when they tested her, she was evaluated to be in the 1-0.5% top percentile of IQ. It manifests itself in all sorts of way.

But one trait that describes most of these children is INTENSITY. In emotions, interests, focus... And the higher the IQ, the higher the intensity (generally, as everything in life, nothing is a hard fast rule )

My daughter's school has an ''exceptional learner'' program where they actually test the children to determine wether they are high achievers in particular subject (which does not automatically mean they are gifted) or gifted. Either way, they provide support but it gives them a better idea of the child's profile.

 

[BKKBabe]

erinprime - sorry, just read your last phrase... totally get you, I hesitated posting this because there are all kinds of strange (and wonderfully supportive sometimes) reactions. WE were going through the same thing with our daughter and could tell she was different - people commented on it all the time - but had no idea what we were dealing with. Frankly, it's when she started school and we started having issues socially and with teachers and that a teacher friend suggested we look into it that we investigated it further.

And I'm glad I did because parenting is a challenge in the best of times but when you're child is vastly different from the average, you can often feel isolated with your experiences. Since giftedness is not so well known and has so much stigma around it, you end up picking and choosing who you can share with.

Anyways, nice to meet you

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I hope schools scrap the list soon
They put pressure on the children they expect good SATS results from to make the school league results better! My son is 10 and is expected to be one of only 2 children to get a level 6 in his sats and oh boy do they want to make sure he gets it. Personally I told him not to sTress.

 

[erinprime]

BKKBabe - intense is one word I would definitely use to describe my daughter, and it has been that way since the day she was born. Everyone talked about this potato sleepy newborn stage and we did not have anything like that. As a newborn she would stay awake for 12 hour stretches in the day regardless of what we did and she was always just so alert and aware of what was going on around her. She hated everything about being a baby and was pretty much miserable all the time until she gained some independence. She has always known exactly what she wants and would get so angry if I couldn't figure it out. My friends would talk about how much harder their babies were once they started crawling and I was just thinking... "what do you mean? She can finally get wherever she wants to go so she doesn't scream all day. This is much easier!"

I don't know how her language compares to the norm but from the small group of mom friends I have she is much further along than the other toddlers her age. She says more words than I can count (can label every object and action in our day to day lives). She learns a new word from just one exposure and can recall it weeks later. Earlier this week we went on a walk and I pointed out the differences between chickadees and robins and she remembered which was which later in the week when we saw some birds in our lawn. She isn't speaking full sentences quite yet but lots of 3 word phrases like "sip mommy cup" if she wants me to give her my drink. She will be 17 months old in a week.

She currently only speaks if she is in a setting that is comfortable to her so she doesn't say much with other people. She has always been painfully shy. I had selective mutism as a child so I hope she doesn't have social problems that extreme.

I am very curious to see how she develops and what things will look like once she is school age. It sounds like your school district is great, your daughter is lucky. The city we live in has just started a gifted program but it is currently only at he high school level.

One friend, who has a son 2 months older, actually told me that I should not try and teach her so much when she is so young, but all I have been doing is going along with her interests. If anything, sometimes I get bored with something she is in to and try to get her to focus on something else. When she first became interested in letters I had to stop wearing clothing with writing on it because she would just obsess over the letters alllllllllll day long.

 

[Jchihuahua]

As a teacher I personally feel ALL children are gifted and talented in some area.

My own daughter is an interesting one. She is highly sensitive and emotional and has things that she finds very difficult because she is so sensitive and can struggle to manage her feelings but she is exceptionally gifted with her reading. She knew all her phonics at 2, could read pink and red band books at 3 and now at 5 is currently reading lime band books at school (stage 11 and aimed at 8 year olds). At home she reads Enid Blyton and Roald Dahl books independently - The Wishing Chair is the latest she's read. She could pick up The Times and read it word perfect but obviously have no comprehension of what she is reading. She is also working two years above with her writing and maths.

 

[MollyMalone]

My sister was deemed gifted by the school psychologist when she was 6 year old (or younger, not sure). My mom was told at that stage she should have been in secondary school and by the time she started secondary school she should have been in college really. She is 24 now.

I think the most important thing is finding a school that understand their needs. My parents were told to let her stay at home whenever she wanted to because she was still learning then. When she started secondary school things weren't so great for her because they weren't able to understand that her needs were different (and my mom didn't highlight the issue with them either). When we moved to Ireland the new teachers quickly picked up on it and were absolutely brilliant.

In terms of challenges.. I guess that what she excelled in intelligence she lacked in social skills. She always had friends but she was "weird" I guess. She also had a hard time dealing with emotions..it's like she was behind in that area. As a toddler she was a bit behind in speech, but quickly caught up with the rest. She was also a very "needy" and clingy child and barely slept. To this day she doesn't sleep much.

 

[Larkspur]

I'll be keeping an eye on this thread. My son is not quite three but I have been told he may be gifted (which would not be too surprising as I tested in the gifted category as a child).

Erin, my son also knew all his alphabet and most numbers up to 20 around that age.

He does the same thing with letters and sounding out the start of words, can recognise and spell quite a few words now, has been able to recite my and my partner's cellphone numbers from memory since he was just two, and speaks in extremely complex sentences.

Omar's Mum - yes, I recognise that perfectionist streak too. My son will watch and watch and watch and refuse to even try new things, but when he is ready, will do it perfectly first go.

I would not actually describe him as an "intense" child in the way you often hear about with gifted children. He's more like an "old soul" - he's been preternaturally calm and self-possessed since a very young age.

 

[BKKBabe]

jchuahua - I completely understand what you mean but the term ''gifted'' - although maybe this should have been labelled differently but we have to use the term accepted- refers to more than talents and uniqueness. Every child is as valuable as the next and every child needs to be cherished. They are all important in their own way. But the ''gifted'' child that truly has an IQ in the top 3% is as different from the average than a child that lives in the bottom 3%. And I'm sure you wouldn't say that all children are mentally delayed (or whatever you deem the PC word to be) in their own way. Gifted children are wired differently and their needs are as different from the average than children with learning disabilities, this is fact, not opinion. They are just so much better at adapting that it's not as often detected.

I would highly recommend anyone interested in the subject, who has a child they think may be gifted read ''A parent's guide to gifted children''.

Larkspur - definitely genetic as well. My whole family is gifted and all of our children are as well. Makes for complicated family dynamics

Mollymalone - Thanks for sharing

erinprime - yup. Same with both of mine. And even within gifted children, they are as different from each other than any other individuals. And they often have asynchronisms in their developments meaning they'll be way ahead in some areas and barely average or even below in other areas. My daughter is not so well coordinated physically but she could explain photosynthesis at age 2. And it's not about us pushing information on them. They just naturally pick up more and you keeping up. It's not like you're drilling her. My son for example has an outstanding memory. He loves movies and can reenact scenes word for word and movement for movement.

midnight fairy - I hear you. It can definitely have a double-edged and these programs need to address more than their areas of high-achievements and should be managed the same way as learning support for children with disabilities: you support them in the areas where regular programs do not fit their needs to benefit THEM.

 

[Jchihuahua]

jchuahua - I completely understand what you mean but the term ''gifted'' - although maybe this should have been labelled differently but we have to use the term accepted- refers to more than talents and uniqueness. Every child is as valuable as the next and every child needs to be cherished. They are all important in their own way. But the ''gifted'' child that truly has an IQ in the top 3% is as different from the average than a child that lives in the bottom 3%. And I'm sure you wouldn't say that all children are mentally delayed (or whatever you deem the PC word to be) in their own way. Gifted children are wired differently and their needs are as different from the average than children with learning disabilities, this is fact, not opinion. They are just so much better at adapting that it's not as often detected.

I would highly recommend anyone interested in the subject, who has a child they think may be gifted read ''A parent's guide to gifted children''.
.

I have been a teacher for 16 years and all I meant was some children are gifted academically, others in music/art/sports. Some have amazing personal, social and emotional skills.

 

[Cattia]

My children are not 'gifted' as far as I can see so far. However I think the problem with the gifted and talented lists here is that they have become another political tool. Schools are judged on the performance of students on their gifted and talented lists, in the same way that they are judged on the performance of those on free school meals etc. I can't help thinking that if our education system (and I mean the system, not the individual teachers) really prioritized the individual learning of each child rather than having to chase after targets and constantly produce evidence of what we are doing, then we wouldn't really need a separate provision for gifted and talented.

 

[BKKBabe]

jchuahua - I hear you! and I agree with you! It's a bit of a problem that the term chosen for those children with an IQ in the top 2% is ''gifted'' because sensibly, it can mean exactly what you've described. Yet for them, it's on a completely different level. There's no confusion when you say you're child is dyslexic or has an attention deficit disorder. But when you say ''gifted'', it's not so clear and a lot of people perceive this as us saying our children are somehow ''more'' (not so). They're just different. And it's different from having an outstanding talent.

Cattia - what I said above explains part of this. ''Gifted'' and ''talented'' are two different beasts and unfortunately, when we say ''gifted'' it is often perceived as elitist and even more unfortunately, some people that run these programs, run them as so. I completely agree that focus should be put on individual needs, but gifted children do have significantly different needs then the average child. And I don't say ''average'' in a demeaning way, human IQ is a bell curve and it's just a fact that only about 2-3% will have an IQ above 135.

Gifted children (and individuals - gifted children become gifted adults) are biologically different. And a lot of them wouldn't even get picked out to be in a gifted program because the school system doesn't work for them and they more often than not get noticed for misbehaving then for good academics.

My son wasn't put on a gifted list, he got kicked out of 2 pre-schools by age 3 because of his behaviour and intensity.

My daughter was put in the class that needed learning support before they evaluated her and she was found to be highly gifted.

So when I bring up that my children are gifted, it is more often then not to explain an odd behaviour, a disturbing behaviour or because they sometimes behave like they were raised in a zoo. ( I say this with good humour :wink wink.

Hence why I started a thread... I have met other parents of gifted children and it was SUCH a relief to find other people that can't figure out why they can't get parenting right.

Larspur - the ''old soul'' thing most definitely comes up a lot. Not all are super intense in terms of energy but this intensity sometimes is displayed with their interest or focus.

Anyone with gifted little ones - please feel free to pm to chat :wave:

I have been having a hard time with my son lately. His anxieties are pretty intense at the moment so we're looking for a psychologist who can help us. He's acting out a lot and cannot transition from anything to anything.

 

[motherofboys]

My eldest 2 have never been officially placed on a list of any kind, but their teachers have described them as gifted. DS2 seems to be more so than DS1 (in that they are both doing very well academically but DS2 is right there just behind DS1 although there are almost 2 years between them, and DS2 is talented in sports and pretty much an physical activity he turns his hand to) although it's never something that I really 'big up'. I don't tend to share exactly how well they are doing because I fear it will come across as boasting.
I don't really say much to them, just say that they are doing well and to carry on working hard. I don't want to put pressure on them. It's nice for me that they are doing so well and I am incredibly proud of them, but I don't ask that they do any more than what they can and if over time they found they levelled off with the other kids then so be it, as long as I felt they were still trying.
Parenting them is so different from each other. DS1 has always been a much easier child, much calmer and slept better. DS2 has been hard work in the past and although he still can be quite hyper and moans about being bored a lot he has calmed down in the last couple of years.