Anyone else parenting gifted children?

[OmarsMum]

BK- I understand what you're saying. My son was placed in special needs class when we tried to enrol him in a nursery so we decided to pull him out, he wasn't given a place at one school after assessment as according to them he wasn't the norm & he has temperaments that require extras from the teachers.

We are thankful for finding the right school for him, his key teacher understands him, she doesn't push him to join in or participate, when he refuses to do something when it seems silly to him she doesn't push him, he is assessed & evuated based on his knowledge & he is given extra work without pushing or overwhelming him.

Another issue we have is getting distracted easily, during his piano lesson on Sarurday he couldn't concentrate as his tutor changed the room, he had to play on a new piano and for him it didn't feel or sound the same as the one he was using earlier, he spent the class wanting to know why he had to use another room, he complained about the room's temperature , he wasn't comfortable.

Reading a school book takes us an hour, he analyses everything, he makes up different scenarios & if he likes what he's reading he wants to know more about the subject.

He notices small details and he gets obsessed with them.

I honestly wouldn't feel happy if he is placed in a talented or gifted list, he panics & gets overwhelmed easily, I don't like to add pressure to his life.

Eta: today we received an invitation to a day out with his karate class for next Saturday, on the same day there is a day out with school & he already attends piano & arts classes on Saturday morning. He was trying to organise his schedule to fit all activities, he was asking about the time it takes us to drive to those different places, he panicked at the end & didn't know what to do, I felt so bad for him. He was overthinking, he is only 5, he shouldn't be worried about time & organising his schedule.

 

[Quartz]

Yep here. And am one myself.

I find the biggest challenge (for me and in parenting) is switching my brain off and its constantly on the go. And entertaining them - I can easily take in multiple sources of information and I think its stopping that and letting yourself sleep (although I do manage it much better since being a parent!) They dont sleep much (DS has just gone down after having a five minute nap and DD is still awake).

Because of this we often cosleep even DD as it helps to help her switch off. Also channelling her into other things. She is learning how to play the recorder and is doing music theory. She has mastered the theory side and is learning the bass clef and can play it pretty well as well. This I find helps her focus just on one thing.

The social aspect I worked hard on but we are incredibly fortunate in that in her class there are some other clever children. DD is on Ruby level (I think around level 11) which normally starts 3 or 4 years ahead but 2 others are with her and her best friend is a level behind. I think this helps normalise her. Its sometimes difficult to grasp that not everyones brain works the way yours does!

 

[BKKBabe]

quartz and omarsmom - Oh that sounds like a lot of the issues we have here... Have either of you deal with therapists to sort out issues? Any books you've found helpful?

Quartz - I am as well. Which makes parenting two (and looks like 3 soon!) gifted children even more difficult at times I find. The emotional intensity we all live with makes high times high but also low times, low.

My daughter is highly gifted but like yours omarsmom, she gets really overwhelmed and stressed the second she faces a difficulty. When things are easy for her, she flies! But as soon as she needs to work on something, she shies away and will get defensive. Very low tolerance for frustration. She's also an incredibly independent thinker and it makes it difficult for her to listen to anything that contradicts what she feels is right. She has really intense focus but regularly is not focusing on what teachers would like her to and since her real strength is visual spacial and cognitive, her academics are quite average (I have no doubt she'll eventually be in the top of the class but will never be the one to work at levels above what is expected of her, unless it's a subject that fascinates her). So teachers get really frustrated. She fiddles CONSTANTLY. Has stuff in her mouth all the time (she's 6.5yo) and talks enough for 3 (or 4).

My son is complicated. Had about the worse sleep I've ever heard of. Much improvement since he's been 3 yo but still regularly has insomnia (at 4yo). He has a lot of sensory stuff going on. Very intensely emotional. Incredibly high focus. He didn't fit in classes when he was a toddler because he had no interest in singing the same song every morning and would not participate in activities that didn't get his attention. Got into awful battles when teachers tried to make him ''cooperate''.

Like you Omarsmom - we are incredibly thankful for his teachers right now. We found this school a year ago and they have taken him in with open arms and have totally accepted him as is and he's blossomed tremendously. Now he has to move on to my daughter's school after this school year and I'm really nervous. The school is fantastic and does have an exceptional learner program so they should be able to accommodate him on some levels but I find the individual teacher has a lot to do with it. He's excited about the move though and I'm hoping the fact that his academics are excellent (way ahead of his class, number knowledge to 100 in two languages and he's starting to read. He's 4yo) will play in his favor.

But we've been having real anxieties issues with him lately... I'm looking into a new psychologist to see if we can get some support.

Thanks for chatting.

 

[Quartz]

I am terrible with doing things I find difficult. When at school it tended to be stuff that I did not necessarily need to do - like sport, rather than academic stuff. So even now I tend to give up if I dont get something straight away.

I was aware of this with DD so signed her up for a sports class and then helped a lot in making it fun and she at least feels comfortable enough to participate.

Anxiety worries me a lot I can keep her on the straight for now but I think its going to get harder as she gets older

 

[northern_me]

I am so glad you are all talking about this. I've had nobody to really talk to about this because I feel like other parents would think I'm bragging.

The perfectionist streak is overwhelming with my DD. She literally won't even attempt something unless she knows that she is going to get it right the first time. She can't handle failure at all and gets a bit hysterical.

She is in grade 1 and is reading at (at least) a grade 6 level. She hasn't been tested past that. I find it really difficult to find appropriate material for her that she finds challenging.

She was in a private school for JK and SK but I've recently switched her to public school and we are really struggling. She is constantly bored. Her teacher gives her advanced spelling and math but she learns it the first time she reads it. Currently she's obsessed with reading ingredient lists on nutrition labels and figuring out how healthy the food we are eating is. She is also struggling to make friends because the kids are interacting on a level that she isn't interested in.

 

[Larkspur]

She is in grade 1 and is reading at (at least) a grade 6 level. She hasn't been tested past that. I find it really difficult to find appropriate material for her that she finds challenging.

Ha, yeah, and it's really important to get it right. I read "Day of the Triffids" when I was eight years old, and was terrified of plants with tendrils for the next three years.

 

[BKKBabe]

Quartz - we sound a lot alike in terms of tolerating frustration (if you want to call it that way). I almost feel panicky when I face something that doesn't instantly make sense to me. Everything was always so easy at school that I never learned to learn. If that makes sense. So when I got to university, there was this one statistics class that I didn't just absorbed by attending class and I eventually failed it and dropped out of the program because it was a mandatory course. Thankfully, the department's rector wouldn't let me quit when he saw my grade point average and we figured something out so I still ended with a degree.

Larkspur and northern_me - That's difficult! I go through a bit of the same here but with documentaries. My daughter is fascinated by national geographic documentaries on just about anything nature. I'm quite keen to have her watch them but sometimes it's hard to tell in advance which ones will have material that her 6yo mind won't deal so well with.

I wonder if there may be a list of level appropriate books that are appropriate for this age somewhere?

 

[Warby]

Yes. My 8 year old son was assessed by an educational psychologist and he is gifted.

And yes, the intensity! There are no small problems. Everything is terrible...or wonderful. And he is fantastic at finding loopholes. If I say "no computer" as a punishment, he will use Apple TV through the television to watch YouTube videos. If I say "no going to friends' houses" he will go play at his cousin's. I have learned to be very specific.

 

[fatandlumpy]

Um... I was assessed as 'Gifted' from about the age of 5 (when I started school). Apparently I was very naughty and disruptive therefore was sent to a child psychologist - who then did the 'diagnosis' and I was moved up a couple of years. When my parents moved back to the UK (military family) my parents insisted I was moved back to an age appropriate class (big sister didn't like being in the same class as me).

Apparently my boy (nearly 2 - yes - just in this bit of the forum for other issues!) has similar 'naughty traits' - but I am totally glad my parents didn't make a fuss or a big deal and let me have a childhood.

Incidentally - I work as an educator in one of the best Universities in the world. My students range from 18-22 years old. I work with both Medical, Veterinary Science and Natural Sciences Students (bit of a clue where I work! - ho hum). I've seen the results when all these kids have in their lives are their academic achievements. The fear of failure and the lack of coping strategies they have when they do find anything difficult results in some extreme upset - perhaps precipitating depression.

To the poster to who said all kids are 'gifted' - I salute you. You are totally correct.

To all those who want to 'push' your kids. I know all you want to do is to ensure they'll achieve their potential, but please don't push too hard or perhaps you will push them too far.

... just an opinion from someone who's just come out of the other end of 'exam term'.

 

[Seity]

This has been an interesting read. I've never considered my son to be gifted, but he is certainly advanced in many areas for his age. He will be starting kindergarten next year. We got lucky and managed to get one of only 9 free spots for pre-k this past year and he's done very well. He is very obsessed with rules and the teachers tell me he is doing 1st grade level math. He does simple addition and subtraction and can do it in his head. He's always been obsessed with numbers. His vocabulary and understanding has been above what I would expect for his age, although he's never been interested in writing, so is only just now learning to write. He has never been much of a sleeper. Always insanely high energy and intense. Dealing with him on a daily basis is mentally exhausting. I do worry that when he starts school they won't challenge him enough and he'll get bored. That happened to me and I was a terrible student (study habits) despite always getting A's.
At one point early on in the year the teacher's said they wanted to work on helping him learn to count to 10. I was confused because he'd been counting to 10 forward and backward since he was 2. Turns out he simply didn't like the way they were counting in a group activity and was refusing to participate, so the teachers had no idea he could already count to 100. *sigh*

 

[minties]

My brother and I were "gifted", how I hate that word. I hated being singled out and expected to do better than everyone else. My brother thrived on it though.

The only thing I wanted to do was read, I was happily reading my mums books as an 8-9 year old. It has not helped me at all with writing or spelling!

At high school I was put in the advanced class but always felt stupid. My brother ended up in the same year as me (he's two years younger than I am) so I never understood why everyone said I was smart. I think my brother was and is still the bright cookie. I just feel like I'm the same as all other adults I come across now. My brother would score in the top 99th centile in all his exams and had an IQ around 150 at age 15!

I don't think either of my kids are especially smart but this was an interesting read.